another one blocked

Another one gets the block

Another one gets the block

And another one gone, and another one gone

Another one gets the block

Hey, I’m gonna get you, too

Another one gets the block

 

i really should have blocked this guy on skype a year ago but i just couldnt be bothered

so the last few months i have been analyzing what he says, how it makes me feel and why

and tonight i finally told him the truth, that i was analyzing him like a bug under a lens… which seemed to hurt and offend him

 

but honestly, if i am telling the truth about who i am, why i am and that i have absolutely no interest but he continues and sends a very boring cock in shorts hard on, when i have only just said a few minutes before that i am not sexually excited and rarely get that way for years now… yeah douche nozzle

 

i like to flirt, i love finding people i am comfortable with because that helps stimulate my mind and then i find inspiration and THEN i write… i can write beautifully.. but i need a muse

 

and if the average guy is making me go.. meh, i think i would rather get an enema using rusty surgical equipment covered in poisonous jelly fish… well i just wont find my stimulation for my writing lol

 

if you know me, if you really read what i say and pay attention

 

my words are full of something… always something

 

if they sound flat and robot like… that is what i am feeling

if i am bouncing and *giggling like mad* .. that is what i am doing and feeling

if i am venting and swearing a lot.. welcome to pirate mode

 

i am extremely expressive if you pay attention

and i try really hard not to bitch or cause fights with people and often go out of my way to explain this

 

but many dont bother to learn this

they read what they want, think what they want… but it isnt ME

 

i guess i need to do more videos so people hear my voice, see who i am… but there will still be many like mr blocked who can’t see past the end of their nose

 

for me they serve a purpose … they help me avoid further people i just don’t want or need in my life at any price

i am brutally honest, i dont do flattery and i dont talk just to hear myself talk

not many are like this

and the older i get, the less tolerance i have for the behavior of others

which ties in with a number of previous blogs i have posted about the behavior of men and how they treat women

it is very frustrating

i want a better world… i try to raise my boys to be good men, they give me shit but thats natural in the mother/child equation.. how they behave with others of all gender, culture and all the rest, is what matters to me right now… i know it will get better when it is mother/adult child relationship

i always wanted a daughter but in many ways i am glad that didnt happen, this isnt a world i want for my lil girl…

i am fine with men lusting over the words i write … but they are often only words… empty of who i am…. pulled from the universe and shaped onto paper

i am fine with men lusting over my pictures … but they are just pictures… yes OF me but not who i am

i am fine selling my body for money… but i refuse to be used for free

humor and venting… omg!

humor… part 1

why yes..

that is a banana in my pocket and i am happy to see you

venting… part 2

omg the stooopids are eating my brain
please save me from people who are privileged enough to display narcissistic tendencies, have no empathy towards others who suffer from triggers and feel that social shaming is delusional and really self afflicted…

i
just
can’t
human
today

deep thoughts due to attack in Brussels

another attack…
it makes me ill

the attack in Brussels, the wars in other countries, all the suffering that makes it to the news and all the suffering that never gets heard…

the greed, the fear, the hatred…

it makes me ashamed to be human…

somewhere in the universe, another world is viewing us through their own version of Hubble and one day picking up our broadcasts…

i know that light takes a very long time to reach us and that what we see in space is often long gone…

living in the now, for us, i hope we get better as a planet so that when those who are viewing us have something bright to see instead of this humiliation…

yes, it is stupid to worry what others think…

but at the same time if we worried a little bit more in the right directions, maybe one day we would have a more utopian like society, so that we could be the wise and friendly aliens who go out to help others become advanced

but on the path we currently walk, i fear for ourselves and the terrors we would most likely participate in, if not unleash, on the universe

male vs female kink ratio ..fetlife reply

as before

fetlife never fails to make me think

granted there is wine

but my thoughts are still mine

so as per usual

here is the post on fetlife that made me go “hmmmmmmmmmm”

(god i miss arsenio hall)

poster said:

Evening all

This has probably been asked before but why is it that kink in whatever shape and form seem to be vastly more popular with men than women?

and my response

ok let me put in my two cents…

i am an american living in france and i spent two years in the london metro area…

i apologize in advance if anything i say, based off of my experiences, should happen to piss anyone off or make them go “omg no you are totally wrong”

so…. male vs female kink

the problem is that male vs female ANYTHING is always in favor of men

the reason behind this thought is that…
men… boys will be boys
guys are encouraged to go out and fuck like mad, sew those oats and be randy

women are told to be good lil virgins, only fuck for the man we have already married and god forbid we should take pleasure for ourselves

with this in mind… we ladies are also told that what we think isnt important, what we do is ok but men will do it better or get paid more for the same shit and not to forget that if we don’t look barbie doll perfect or run way model outstanding… that we don’t exist

now… that is life in general
not even touching the rapes, the abuse or other bullshit that happens to women on a daily basis which shapes how we see ourselves, even when we try to stop being in victim mode

even the most adjusted female
the least abused or victimized female
all of us suffer from the media telling us who we should be, how we should look and what is attractive and acceptable

with this in mind.. and not counting the cultural crap we have to deal with in religion or our own communities (be it big town or small country village)… women have to, in general, fight to like themselves.. to feel safe in their body, to be ok with touching their own body and taking pleasure

not all women suffer this
not all men are dicks

but the majority that i have known, in the states, the uk, france and those i have meet from other countries…the majority of women have a shit load of crap they have to wade through before they can get past the idea of self pleasure and having sex for non marital relationships… not even getting to the point of kink

now depending on which country you are in, changes all the responses i could have on men… in the states it varies from frat boy idiots to shy virgins (literally or nearly so).. all the way up to frenchies and others thinking 50 shades is gospel

the huge problem is lack of communication and refusing to learn what bdsm started as, where it has gone and what that means to you and your partner

too many are scared or crazed and in a frenzy to jump in
too many who judge
too much crap

so, thats my two cents
there is just too much bullshit that weighs us all down

don’t judge me … #NoBraDay .. “Put your boobs back in your bra and donate to cancer research.”

so as you know from other posts

i decided to participate in “no bra day”

i posted 2 images on facebook

1 was shared by a friend

seems one of her friends just didnt approve

now i get that some people are prudish

others are stupid

some are just cruel

some always have to be right or know whats best

some are ubber conservative

and others have religious or cultural differences

ok..fine

and yeah i get that those who have survived cancer could be offended

i know i would still be showing my breasts no matter how they looked if i had cancer (survival or no)

we tell women to do this, do that, think this, think that but dont worry you have equal rights

just no nursing in public, we cant tolerate that!

no birth control options for you young lady

“you dress that way so you must be asking for it”

no taking enjoyment in sex for the sake of pleasure… guys can but god forbid a woman do it too

being told “your place is in the kitchen”

growing up being told it is our fault for getting felt up on the bus, bras snapped in class

no being proud of your body

no positive reinforcement to be female

“you hit/run/scream/etc like a girl”

fuck you! i am a girl!!

i am proud of who i am, where i have been, the struggles i have been through

i have been sick for 24 years! i will be 36 at the end of this month

i am a survivor of many traumas

and i do not sit back and let things happen when i am capable of helping others

so the message to my meme on facebook

well it pissed me off

and here is what we all said

my friend:

Brest cancer awareness brought to you by the lovely Shalla Radiolady! CHECK YOURSELF MEN AND WOMEN!

her friend:

I’m sorry, I get that this is for breast cancer awareness. But to me it’s simply dumb. Put your boobs back in your bra and donate to cancer research.

and me:

i helped in cancer research as an animal care tech…

the wealthfare of the animals being tested is the most important part of the research but all the funding given…

it is not given to the ones like me who dealt with writing down animal deaths, births, new cancerous growths, putting down the animals, changing their cages, filling supplies, cleaning their cages and sterilizing their cages

nor is the money being used to properly supply the universities with all the people and machines needed to care for the animals…

 ..

instead it goes to the scientists and their students (who rarely follow protocol and can cause all kinds of illness to spread and infect the research) because they are the ones with the degree and deemed important…

 ..

without the animals, you dont have tests, without proper tests you dont get results… ie wasted time and money 

(ex hubby is a PhD in cell biology, i have also worked in his world slicing samples for research and other grunt work)

but if you also look at those organizations who “help” with cancer research, rarely any of the money actually gets to the scientists… yay for lined pockets

 ..

so.. i will keep posting my breasts

not simply to remind people to think about their own (not just women but men too) but also because we need to see more nudity so that we stop being ashamed of our bodies and stop treating them like objects…

 ..

did you know that in africa cancer is treated as a contagious disease and women who are suffering from breast cancer are outcasted from their families and forced to deal with their cancer alone… and yeah i know this because i helped with the photography for the women speaking at events for African Women’s Cancer Association Awareness

 ..

i was also a sex therapist on the radio and i have worked with an organization in the uk who help promote equal (sexual/sexuality) rights for the handicap

 ..

i am a life coach and i blog, i share my body in images because i know it isnt what the media deems attractive and yet every year i have someone tell me how i inspired them to love their body

 ..

i help save lives every year and i am hoping to soon start working with some of the local prostitutes to help give them the mental health support they are lacking in my community

 ..

so..sorry… i happen to be poor but i have time to give and experience to offer

 ..

my big point is… at the end of the day… i have done something, i have made an effort and that lasts

tomorrow is a new day… and i will keep doing something

donating money, great if you have it but it is something you can walk away from and forget, go about your life and never face any of the reality

 ..

so… if you have money great

but dont judge me

after posting this i go back to facebook and see she had more to say

thus meaning i too had to open my yap

her:

Did I say you in particular? No. I’m just giving my two cents. I feel personally that if anyone is posting pics, great, go for it. But it is not like it does anything. Will a pic of yourself donate? No. If you wanna remind people to check for breast cancer, make a post.

And yes, I was aware, but again, a pic does nothing. If you are poor, just make a post to remind family and friends to check themselves.

and me:

umm those are my boobs in that pic

i have over 600 people who follow me, i have over 1000 on twitter and many more who follow my blog.. all 3 places have this pic… i am a public person, maybe not famous… but i tip the scales… so maybe this pic does not raise money… but it does get people thinking.. if that thought for you means donate money..job well done, go out and give

is it bad i am hoping she will inspire me to write more?

yup she did… posted more

so did i

her:

I was aware, but I was saying in general ;). Your thing is your thing. Your opinion is yours and mine is mine. I really do not understand the reason why we are arguing over something as simple as an opinion. I really hope you spread awareness, though.

and me:

i am upset because too many people think money makes a difference.. it is impersonal and rarely gets to the people who need it
..
i am upset because i have done a lot that most never would and i have seen the inner workings of the system
..
i am upset because i choose to do something but get attacked for it.. be it in general or directly
..
i am upset that people (in general or directly) assume that my choice to show my breasts in support of this meme/event/day is just a scream for attention and excuse to get the boys (or girls) drooling for shallow fun in disguise of the real deal (did you say this, no but easily could be said/thought by anyone)
..
i am upset because too many ..around the world.. judge
you can have an opinion, it is wonderful to have one
but don’t be surprised if others decide to mirror back the judgment made on them
..
i mean, take selena gomez for example… a more neutral topic
she recently went public with the fact that she has lupus
the reason why she went public was because so many of her fans, random people with an opinion..
decided to bash her for being out of the public eye and canceling shows
omg OBBBBBVIOUSLY she must be a drunk or druggy and in rehab
her fans treated her like shit, posting comments all over the web
why?
because they had an opinion and one idiot after another listened to that opinion.. which helped spread hate and entertainment at the expense of another human being
..
you don’t like something
fine, don’t like it
you don’t agree with something
no big deal
you live life by a different set of rules
don’t judge me and how i live my life based off your opinions and your rules
..
so… yes i took this personally
because you said “Put your boobs back in your bra and donate to cancer research.”
and i bet you thought you could get away with stating your…opinion…
and not have a backlash
possibly thinking that this was just a meme shared by a friend by a friend by other people
instead of the one who created and posed for the meme
..
and if you don’t understand “why we are arguing over something as simple as an opinion”
words have value, the have weight
opinions are voiced words… they count
and all it takes is one person to say the wrong thing for it to become gospel in the minds of those who refuse to think for themselves
..
i’m not saying your opinion is wrong
i am saying why it pissed me off

i write best when it is for something i believe in

something that inspires me

but now it is 4:41am and i have a lil furball who wants me to go to bed and cuddle

yay for kittens

remember folks.. opinions are great but come with a lot of responsibility when shared