deep thoughts due to attack in Brussels


another attack…
it makes me ill

the attack in Brussels, the wars in other countries, all the suffering that makes it to the news and all the suffering that never gets heard…

the greed, the fear, the hatred…

it makes me ashamed to be human…

somewhere in the universe, another world is viewing us through their own version of Hubble and one day picking up our broadcasts…

i know that light takes a very long time to reach us and that what we see in space is often long gone…

living in the now, for us, i hope we get better as a planet so that when those who are viewing us have something bright to see instead of this humiliation…

yes, it is stupid to worry what others think…

but at the same time if we worried a little bit more in the right directions, maybe one day we would have a more utopian like society, so that we could be the wise and friendly aliens who go out to help others become advanced

but on the path we currently walk, i fear for ourselves and the terrors we would most likely participate in, if not unleash, on the universe

Another night in an empty bed


note: just wistfully thinking of my Major, tormenting myself with what i know i cant have, it isnt that i am obsessed but more that i really am a hopeless romantic 

i wish your arms were wrapped around me
that your kiss had been left softly down my skin

i wish it was your breath blowing across my neck
your words whispered with care across my cheek

i wish it was your fingers entwined in mine
keeping me that much closer to you

i wish it was your chest i rest against
your heart beating hard on my naked back

i wish it was your warmth that soothed my body
your love that warmed my soul

i wish it was you tonight
instead of this pillow that i hold

Empty bed


written one month ago

note: read this one on stage at the Erotic Meet (eroticmeet.net) Soho Social, i was so nervous, will blog about that later lol

It’s just a bed.

Wooden frame holding in place a firm mattress, pillows and the covers left in a tangle from last night’s dreaming.

The sheets are cold, the mattress doesn’t have the imprint of your form and no where can I find your scent.

Slowly, climbing into the bed, I savor the sweet twinge of pain that my bed has never known you…

Fluffing up the pillows, smoothing out the sheets and I pull them slowly over my naked body.

Enjoying the harshness of the cold as it slides over my skin, holding in the tears, knowing it is another night alone.

Once again the sun has set, darkness has come to greet me and laying there even the sandman avoids my eyes.

Getting up to put some music on, I realize how cold the air around me is, shivering I return to my spot in the bed.

Music, my only company, I climb back into bed and wrap the covers up to my chin, searching for any warmth but knowing you have never left any.

Dragging pillows from every corner of the bed and making a nest around me, trying to fool myself into feeling you next to me.

The music washes over me, caressing my mind in ways I wish your voice would seduce my ears.

Slowly the bed warms from the heat of my body, with you here I know it would warm all the faster.

Thinking of the many ways we could heat the bed, I feel a spark of passion and wetness steals over me.

Last night I thought of you…

What it would be like in your strong arms, my head on your chest, running my fingers along your shoulder and down your arm as I hold you.

Last night I thought of how you would wake in the morning and kiss me tenderly, running your large hands over my face and teasing away the sleep from my body.

Last night I thought of you slowly, nervously testing my body, unsure of what you are allowed to do with me.

Last night I thought of taking your hands in mine and teaching you my body, how to cup my breasts and pinch my nipples in such a way that I arch my back and whimper for more.

Thinking of guiding your hands over my thighs, cupping my ass and pulling my body closer to you and feeling you getting excited with every touch…

Wanting to half climb over you and run my tongue along your lips, my hand on your face and watching you as you hold still for me.

Watching you waiting to know what to do, what will come next, not sure to take control and if so will I let you keep it…

Sliding my tongue into your mouth and kissing you tenderly, slowly, teasing and closing my eyes.

Drifting off to sleep, the music playing and the feel of the pillow I hold, as I dream of you.

The night rolls on, like the tears that roll down my cheeks, knowing I will never have you…

I want…


note: this was written about The Major, he has been and will always be one of my muses. Today (12/30/13) I recorded this to audio, I hope you enjoy 

https://audioboo.fm/boos/1823919-i-want

I want you to love me

I want you to need me

I want you to like me for all that I am and not try to change me

I want you to heal me, take away the tears that spring up when I think of my past

I want you to take away the fear I have of not being good enough

I want you to touch me inside and out

I want you to whisper my name when you sleep and I am not there

I want to be able to ask you to give me the attention I need, the kisses, the touches

Instead I am still too shy to tell you want I want, to ask for what I need, I feel too lost

Instead I have gone so long neglected and repressed, leaving me too damaged to fight
for what I want

Do you have what it takes to drag me out to sea and teach me to play in the water…

If i can’t…


note: this was written about The Major, he has been and will always be one of my muses. Today (12/30/13) I recorded this to audio, I hope you enjoy 

https://audioboo.fm/boos/1823898-if-i-can-t

If I can’t have you, I want him…

I know that I can’t have him either but I can press play and listen to his voice, so rich and deep, the volume up as loud as I can take and encasing me in his song.

Feeling loved, wanted and understood by someone even though he is singing for the world and not just me.

If I can’t make love to you, I want his voice seducing me…

I don’t care that more often than not his words bring me to tears from their country twang and sad note… but still I listen and sing along and love him without any real depth to it…

His words understand me, even if not written for me and they know my pain, my joy.

His voice knows just what I need to hear.

He doesn’t know me but makes me relax enough to bounce and move, swing and sway, dance to his sounds and tracing the notes with my hands in the air… so rare for me to show how much I love to dance to the music…

If I can’t have you, I want him

His kiss, his gentle touch and the passion I know we could have that will never touch me…

Then again, no matter how much I want you… I know your touch will never reach me either.

So if I can’t have you… well…

Putting on my headphones, sounds seducing my ears, I will take the love I want even if I can’t have the love I need

E.B. Starpointer

erotic author and sex-positive male commentator

An Accident In Space And Time

Just your average, friendly Vulcan

Exposed Loving

Be Love. Bring Love. LOVE.

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