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    May 2021
    M T W T F S S

are you thinking of me tonight? #myghost

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are you thinking of me tonight

is that why his voice came on the air

singing strong and pure

reminding me of you

are you thinking of me tonight

though I try not to think of you

go about my day

enjoy my life and the summer wind

are you thinking of me tonight

when last we spoke your words like a slap across the face

my final goodbye to your silent reply

are you thinking of me tonight

when I have ignored my subconcious trying to bring you back to light

the music had stoped

no more songs

no more voice

are you thinking of me tonight

the reason I ask is because his voice found me again

when things sneak in like ninjas

there is always a reason

so I ask

are you thinking of me tonight

you know who you are

do the words from his song speak for you

is that why they snuck into my speakers

are you thinking of me tonight

as i’m randomly listening to NĂĄgon Som Du

or am I alone

listening to echos of ghosts

and then the music changes

Ane Brun – The Puzzle

I don’t care who thinks of me

all that matters is I think of me

new words

new voice

my words

my voice

Another night in an empty bed

note: just wistfully thinking of my Major, tormenting myself with what i know i cant have, it isnt that i am obsessed but more that i really am a hopeless romantic 

i wish your arms were wrapped around me
that your kiss had been left softly down my skin

i wish it was your breath blowing across my neck
your words whispered with care across my cheek

i wish it was your fingers entwined in mine
keeping me that much closer to you

i wish it was your chest i rest against
your heart beating hard on my naked back

i wish it was your warmth that soothed my body
your love that warmed my soul

i wish it was you tonight
instead of this pillow that i hold

Empty bed

written one month ago

note: read this one on stage at the Erotic Meet (eroticmeet.net) Soho Social, i was so nervous, will blog about that later lol

It’s just a bed.

Wooden frame holding in place a firm mattress, pillows and the covers left in a tangle from last night’s dreaming.

The sheets are cold, the mattress doesn’t have the imprint of your form and no where can I find your scent.

Slowly, climbing into the bed, I savor the sweet twinge of pain that my bed has never known you…

Fluffing up the pillows, smoothing out the sheets and I pull them slowly over my naked body.

Enjoying the harshness of the cold as it slides over my skin, holding in the tears, knowing it is another night alone.

Once again the sun has set, darkness has come to greet me and laying there even the sandman avoids my eyes.

Getting up to put some music on, I realize how cold the air around me is, shivering I return to my spot in the bed.

Music, my only company, I climb back into bed and wrap the covers up to my chin, searching for any warmth but knowing you have never left any.

Dragging pillows from every corner of the bed and making a nest around me, trying to fool myself into feeling you next to me.

The music washes over me, caressing my mind in ways I wish your voice would seduce my ears.

Slowly the bed warms from the heat of my body, with you here I know it would warm all the faster.

Thinking of the many ways we could heat the bed, I feel a spark of passion and wetness steals over me.

Last night I thought of you…

What it would be like in your strong arms, my head on your chest, running my fingers along your shoulder and down your arm as I hold you.

Last night I thought of how you would wake in the morning and kiss me tenderly, running your large hands over my face and teasing away the sleep from my body.

Last night I thought of you slowly, nervously testing my body, unsure of what you are allowed to do with me.

Last night I thought of taking your hands in mine and teaching you my body, how to cup my breasts and pinch my nipples in such a way that I arch my back and whimper for more.

Thinking of guiding your hands over my thighs, cupping my ass and pulling my body closer to you and feeling you getting excited with every touch…

Wanting to half climb over you and run my tongue along your lips, my hand on your face and watching you as you hold still for me.

Watching you waiting to know what to do, what will come next, not sure to take control and if so will I let you keep it…

Sliding my tongue into your mouth and kissing you tenderly, slowly, teasing and closing my eyes.

Drifting off to sleep, the music playing and the feel of the pillow I hold, as I dream of you.

The night rolls on, like the tears that roll down my cheeks, knowing I will never have you…

I want…

note: this was written about The Major, he has been and will always be one of my muses. Today (12/30/13) I recorded this to audio, I hope you enjoy 


I want you to love me

I want you to need me

I want you to like me for all that I am and not try to change me

I want you to heal me, take away the tears that spring up when I think of my past

I want you to take away the fear I have of not being good enough

I want you to touch me inside and out

I want you to whisper my name when you sleep and I am not there

I want to be able to ask you to give me the attention I need, the kisses, the touches

Instead I am still too shy to tell you want I want, to ask for what I need, I feel too lost

Instead I have gone so long neglected and repressed, leaving me too damaged to fight
for what I want

Do you have what it takes to drag me out to sea and teach me to play in the water…

If i can’t…

note: this was written about The Major, he has been and will always be one of my muses. Today (12/30/13) I recorded this to audio, I hope you enjoy 


If I can’t have you, I want him…

I know that I can’t have him either but I can press play and listen to his voice, so rich and deep, the volume up as loud as I can take and encasing me in his song.

Feeling loved, wanted and understood by someone even though he is singing for the world and not just me.

If I can’t make love to you, I want his voice seducing me…

I don’t care that more often than not his words bring me to tears from their country twang and sad note… but still I listen and sing along and love him without any real depth to it…

His words understand me, even if not written for me and they know my pain, my joy.

His voice knows just what I need to hear.

He doesn’t know me but makes me relax enough to bounce and move, swing and sway, dance to his sounds and tracing the notes with my hands in the air… so rare for me to show how much I love to dance to the music…

If I can’t have you, I want him

His kiss, his gentle touch and the passion I know we could have that will never touch me…

Then again, no matter how much I want you… I know your touch will never reach me either.

So if I can’t have you… well…

Putting on my headphones, sounds seducing my ears, I will take the love I want even if I can’t have the love I need


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