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  • duh its a calendar

    June 2021
    M T W T F S S

health, a #SundayResolution

i have been thinking
everyone makes new years resolutions and then give up after a few seconds or maybe months
but when i think about what they are doing…
it doesn’t fit with me

i have noticed that people treat new years resolutions like lent
i must give up something and become a better person for losing this sin

i don’t want to give things up
i do that all the time
i constantly try to get rid of the negative in my life and be cheerful
if you read my posts on facebook you might say the opposite
but my life is full of struggle and pain
so facebook is my venting space
but overall i really am a very happy person
more so considering all the shit i live with on a daily basis

since i am not religious… but i understand the concepts in various religions and philosophies..
i don’t do “lent”…
and i wont give up things like energy drinks and chocolate for the new year

i want to ADD things into my life

i always TRY to eat healthy and i always want to exercise more
but those are not things i will do simply because it is the new year

so i have been looking at the various lists out there
what people think are important to do in a resolution

one said read more
and i like that idea because that falls into the category of being good to myself
setting up a calm space for me, a nice drink of some kind, comfy pillows and background music
just relaxing with a book

now i do read a lot of sci fi but i should be reading more smutt
i have so many friends who write erotica and i should be devoting more time to their words
that is what a good friend does and i would like to be a good friend

i decided
my new years resolution is complicated
and since i want to blog more and take more pictures
i will do like molly from Molly’s Daily Kiss

she and others are often participating in Memes that mix photography and ideas
i loved her advent calendar of pictures with the alphabet theme
and there have been others she has done… as you can tell she is an inspiration for me

what i want to do is be realistic
i am lazy due to so much stress in my life
i know i cant post every sunday but i try for the #SinfulSunday meme

i had the idea to count how many sundays there are, per month, in 2015
most have 4 but some have 5
if i stick with the idea of the once a month theme for sinful sunday that removes one sunday per month from the list of resolutions

if i take off the 4 extra sundays throughout the year where there are a total of 5 sundays in a month…
and if i take off one more sunday per month…

well roughly that means i will keep trying to post the themed sinful sunday and 2 more sundays per month
i think i can do 3 sundays a month in total for posting blogs and pictures
it is a small goal but it is something i want to do

so each sunday blog entry will be my personal theme and interpretation of one of my new years resolutions

today i start with health…
drinking hot coffee with milk, vanilla extract, unrefined brown sugar (when unrefined there are lots of health benefits) and coconut oil (needed for my various health issues)


and as you can see, i am also nude and slow to leave my bed
but i was a good girl and MADE my bed hahaha

Health and the positive side of #CoconutOil

note: I posted this on facebook… but I am adding it here and will probly add it to fetlife as well



ok, i am going to see how many people pay attention to my status…

and no this isnt a spam one


a lot of you have health issues and all of you that (actually pay attention and) know me remember that i suffer from really bad health issues


last year i had a brain scan and the neurologist saw some stuff, i started taking a medication to help get more blood flow to my brain…

the down side of that medication was that it sent my (already raising heart) into over drive and i was suffering very badly

even to the point of saying that sex could literally kill me… you all know my love of sex and kink… but more importantly, sex is an exercise and if exercising would stress my heart so easily… i was scared

i stopped the meds in spetember last year when i was pregnant… it caused me to start to miscarry and i had to make sure that there were no surprises because the medication was toxic to new life


so… even though i have been off the medication, my heart has still been damaged


for the upside….


i started taking coconut oil, just taking it, not cooking with it or adding it to foods… literally eating a teaspoonful or two a day

i did that for more than a week straight and then stopped for a week and then started again… i have upped my dose to at least two tablespoons a day

it has been a lil over a month and my heart is damn near normal, i am not having random pains or having it seriously stress out over the smallest activity



for all of my friends suffering from all kinds of health issues…. look into coconut oil, i wouldn’t say this for nothing and there are some of you i really worry about

and yes… it is safe for newborns


i know some of you get annoyed with “omg take this, try that, read this!” kind of messages… but i love you people and this HELPED me and i still have a long road to go for the rest of my health issues


The Coconut Oil Miracle, 5th Edition

by Bruce Fife



you can also check out this link before you decide to buy the book or not, it contains a lot of information on the positive side of coconut oil



Any experience with #Lupus #SLE #CNS?

Note: I first wrote this for Fetlife and decided to post here to update those that follow me and possibly reach a wider audience with the health issues I live with


Update first and question at the end 🙂

I still have yet to be FULLY diagnosed
what I have so far from seeing GP, Specialist and Neurologist…

1. ANA is at 1:640

2. As of right now I only have 4 of the symptoms for lupus but the specialist is willing to call it lupus (if I could get my records from children’s hospital in the states it would help but that is so damn slow!!!)

3. Had a PET scan done which PROVED!!! that I have PTSD but no one believes me when I say it is because of all the trauma/mistreatment from doctors for 21 years.
The PET scan showed areas of the brain with reduced oxygen/blood flow

4. The neurologist found my ability to distance myself from the pain very fascinating and ordered an MRI of my brain (omg that was fucking cool! loved the binary beats and the sounds and…I wanna do it again!!)

5. was hospitalize end of march for almost 3wks because of a massive flare up and started on new meds ( Esoméprazole 20mg to protect stomach, Kétoprofène 100mg 2/day for pain, Clomipramine 75mg for brain I guess, continuing Tolexine 50mg to help with skin…sorry those are the French names)

6. Still no idea what the MRI says but word on the grape vine (yay for having a hubby with contacts at the hospital) I will most likely be diagnosed with Lupus SLE in the central nervous system (CNS)

7. if I do too much now that I am on the new meds, I really feel it, tried having sex the other week with the hubby…. omg I thought I was going to die
it has never EVER been like this

My brain started to overheat and hurt…not headache but BRAIN PAIN, I could barely breath, I lost almost all ability to use words, some hand gestures I could do, I could not stop crying (body crying vs me having emotional melt down), some parts of me kept twitching but not like a seizure, I could not stop being in the fetal position on my side and rocking….

Took me almost a half hour to calm down my body
my conscious mind was watching this and going “whoa wth!!!”

I don’t have multiple personalities or anything like that, I just have YEARS of analyzing how my body is involuntarily reacting and this was the worst!

So… my question:

1. Do any of you have experience specifically with Lupus SLE CNS?

2. Any experience with the drugs I am taking (USA versions or what not)

3. Anything you can offer me for help in anyway…


That fine line

written 2010

there is a very fine line you walk between pleasure and pain… where it all sort of blurs together and you cannot tell if you want the pain to stop or for it to continue

i admit that i like pain..to a point.. what that point is i do not know, i have yet to find someone to test my limits

i have a wonderful and loving husband…but he does not know how to touch me the way i want and i do not know how to explain to him my needs and desires…words do not work when all you have are feelings

one reason why i am here..to make friends with people i can turn into something a bit closer and invite into my world and teach my husband how to touch me the way i need to be touched

but for now i have the pain to share…

last night my back decided to start hurting and it would not stop. i am used to pain i live with chronic pain in one area of my body or another and have done so for 12 years… pain and i are old friends

usually i can turn the pain off when i am not in the mood… but last night everything i did was not working and a few times i was left confused

was what i was feeling sexual pleasure or excruciating pain

there where points that it felt like someone was manipulating my spinal cord, it would throb and pulse and bring me close to sexual satisfaction and then it would leave me just as quickly and i went through the pain and a type of with drawl

ha..being the dork that i am the only way i could explain it to my husband was to remind him of an episode of aeon flux where the bad guy is playing doctor with one of the woman who had a fake disc in her spine..

he pops out the fake spinal disc and uses tools to manipulate the nerves and the spinal cord and they both have this unbelievable orgasm of sorts

it felt similar to that… odd as it sound to say/write

the human body and the mind are such odd things bringing about pleasure and a thin line that we cross over every day


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