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#Häagen-Daz humor rant/plea 😂


Yes I’m a bit mental

I fully admit that my humor is warped, twisted, sometimes dark and often not appropriate for the situation…. Any situation

I also admit that my body is often under caffeinated and if I’m on sleep dep… Things can get wonky right damn quick

So I’m scrolling, scrolling, scrolling…. Keep them pages rolling…. No no wait this isn’t rawhide…

So I’m going through Facebook to check what I missed during my few hours of sleep and the extra hours between coffee starting to kick in

I find this ad for Häagen-Daz and my humor kicks in

You see… France has ice cream

Not a huge selection though and all the companies seem to cover the same boring flavors

These flavors might be epicly fantastic but when you KNOW, FOR A FACT, that other flavors are out there… 

I might as well just eat vanilla

Preferably in what I coined “The Fat American”

Similar to a White/Black Russian in that it has vodka and coffee liquor but different as I do the following

Vodka, coffee liquor, caramel liquor, real coffee, milk and vanilla bean ice cream

It all gets blended (usually by spoon as I’m too lazy to want to wash more items that needed) into a sort of milkshake

I started calling it The Fat American because Russia already has two “similar” drinks and since it tastes better than anything I could get at a tarbucks…. Seemed appropriate

Also funny self depreciating humor since I’m an American in France and it fits with stereotypes associated with Americans 😂😂

So, back to my point

I saw this on my timeline 

And the following is what I left in the public comments… 

Enjoy your trip into the madness that is my brain…

Dear Häagen-Dazs serving France

You are failing me….

I KNOW you have a number of flavors! I’ve been to your locations in the states and other parts of Europe

Why are you failing to stock my area with all the tasty good things?!!

What have I done to displease you!!

Come back to me

I promise I’ll behave!

Love me the way I love you

Let me count the ways and show my devotion!… Preferably by counting with different flavors as I consume them 

I’m a ginger and it’s not politically correct to steal souls any more!! I need an alternative!!

Sincerely…

Someone who should not be texting with so much blood in their caffeine system

An Accident In Space And Time

Just your average, friendly Vulcan

Exposed Loving

Be Love. Bring Love. LOVE.

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