deep thoughts due to attack in Brussels


another attack…
it makes me ill

the attack in Brussels, the wars in other countries, all the suffering that makes it to the news and all the suffering that never gets heard…

the greed, the fear, the hatred…

it makes me ashamed to be human…

somewhere in the universe, another world is viewing us through their own version of Hubble and one day picking up our broadcasts…

i know that light takes a very long time to reach us and that what we see in space is often long gone…

living in the now, for us, i hope we get better as a planet so that when those who are viewing us have something bright to see instead of this humiliation…

yes, it is stupid to worry what others think…

but at the same time if we worried a little bit more in the right directions, maybe one day we would have a more utopian like society, so that we could be the wise and friendly aliens who go out to help others become advanced

but on the path we currently walk, i fear for ourselves and the terrors we would most likely participate in, if not unleash, on the universe

annoyed! no toilet paper


i am seriously annoyed

living with my 18yr old son is driving me mad

driving me to depression as well

i can understand the cats being a pain in the ass and having to clean up after them

but by the age of 18 and a half… i fucking expect better

my house is littered with paper on the wall

“this is what i need done on a daily basis”

“did you read the wall”

“yes THIS FUCKING WALL”

all sorts of notes

because i cant clean the house alone and clean up after his lazy ass

and then be expected to go out and find a real job when i am struggling just to have a “home” that makes me feel comfortable in general, let alone to have people visit

i told him repeatedly throughout the day that i needed him to empty the dishwasher and put away the stuff that was air drying

i was seriously depressed last night and feeling sick so i went to bed early

i wake up this morning to feed the cats, let them in or out depending and i find the kitchen still a mess

not just a huge sink full of dishes but the table not wiped down, things not put away on the table and the dishes still not fucking done

i leave a note on the table for my son and go back to bed

basically that note said do the damn dishes

and that he needs to talk to the lady in charge of him (kind of like case worker but her job is to help him get grant money to start his life, help with finding proper schools he can go to for his specialty and she can also help him find a place to live)

i want out of this house by november at the latest

that gives me time to try and find something closer to my ex so that i can see my boys more often than every other weekend and holidays

but i do not want to live with my 18yr old any more

i am tired of constantly walking on egg shells, having to bitch at him to get small things done in a half assed way and still expected to cater to any ego driven whim he has in his head… oh and thanking him for the jobs he does that i had to bitch at him to do

i need him out of the house

for my own sanity

and today is the last straw

i needed to use the powder room or wc or loo… whatever you want to call the damn thing

it was urgent and i should not have to check “is there toilet paper”

it is such a small fucking thing!

to think of other people!

but no.. obviously i don’t count, i don’t matter

AND I AM FUCKING FED UP WITH THIS BULLSHIT!

so one more note

IMG_9558 pissed off mom

and after this i am done, going to talk to realtors and force the situation

he gets a place, i get a place and i will be free

i am not a slave

i will not be fucking treated as one!

 

 

 

 

don’t judge me … #NoBraDay .. “Put your boobs back in your bra and donate to cancer research.”


so as you know from other posts

i decided to participate in “no bra day”

i posted 2 images on facebook

1 was shared by a friend

IMG_3470 a

seems one of her friends just didnt approve

now i get that some people are prudish

others are stupid

some are just cruel

some always have to be right or know whats best

some are ubber conservative

and others have religious or cultural differences

ok..fine

and yeah i get that those who have survived cancer could be offended

i know i would still be showing my breasts no matter how they looked if i had cancer (survival or no)

we tell women to do this, do that, think this, think that but dont worry you have equal rights

just no nursing in public, we cant tolerate that!

no birth control options for you young lady

“you dress that way so you must be asking for it”

no taking enjoyment in sex for the sake of pleasure… guys can but god forbid a woman do it too

being told “your place is in the kitchen”

growing up being told it is our fault for getting felt up on the bus, bras snapped in class

no being proud of your body

no positive reinforcement to be female

“you hit/run/scream/etc like a girl”

fuck you! i am a girl!!

i am proud of who i am, where i have been, the struggles i have been through

i have been sick for 24 years! i will be 36 at the end of this month

i am a survivor of many traumas

and i do not sit back and let things happen when i am capable of helping others

so the message to my meme on facebook

well it pissed me off

and here is what we all said

my friend:

Brest cancer awareness brought to you by the lovely Shalla Radiolady! CHECK YOURSELF MEN AND WOMEN!

her friend:

I’m sorry, I get that this is for breast cancer awareness. But to me it’s simply dumb. Put your boobs back in your bra and donate to cancer research.

and me:

i helped in cancer research as an animal care tech…

the wealthfare of the animals being tested is the most important part of the research but all the funding given…
it is not given to the ones like me who dealt with writing down animal deaths, births, new cancerous growths, putting down the animals, changing their cages, filling supplies, cleaning their cages and sterilizing their cages
nor is the money being used to properly supply the universities with all the people and machines needed to care for the animals…
 ..
instead it goes to the scientists and their students (who rarely follow protocol and can cause all kinds of illness to spread and infect the research) because they are the ones with the degree and deemed important…
 ..
without the animals, you dont have tests, without proper tests you dont get results… ie wasted time and money 
(ex hubby is a PhD in cell biology, i have also worked in his world slicing samples for research and other grunt work)
but if you also look at those organizations who “help” with cancer research, rarely any of the money actually gets to the scientists… yay for lined pockets
 ..
so.. i will keep posting my breasts
not simply to remind people to think about their own (not just women but men too) but also because we need to see more nudity so that we stop being ashamed of our bodies and stop treating them like objects…
 ..
did you know that in africa cancer is treated as a contagious disease and women who are suffering from breast cancer are outcasted from their families and forced to deal with their cancer alone… and yeah i know this because i helped with the photography for the women speaking at events for African Women’s Cancer Association Awareness
 ..
i was also a sex therapist on the radio and i have worked with an organization in the uk who help promote equal (sexual/sexuality) rights for the handicap
 ..
i am a life coach and i blog, i share my body in images because i know it isnt what the media deems attractive and yet every year i have someone tell me how i inspired them to love their body
 ..
i help save lives every year and i am hoping to soon start working with some of the local prostitutes to help give them the mental health support they are lacking in my community
 ..
so..sorry… i happen to be poor but i have time to give and experience to offer
 ..
my big point is… at the end of the day… i have done something, i have made an effort and that lasts
tomorrow is a new day… and i will keep doing something
donating money, great if you have it but it is something you can walk away from and forget, go about your life and never face any of the reality
 ..
so… if you have money great
but dont judge me
after posting this i go back to facebook and see she had more to say
thus meaning i too had to open my yap
her:
Did I say you in particular? No. I’m just giving my two cents. I feel personally that if anyone is posting pics, great, go for it. But it is not like it does anything. Will a pic of yourself donate? No. If you wanna remind people to check for breast cancer, make a post.
And yes, I was aware, but again, a pic does nothing. If you are poor, just make a post to remind family and friends to check themselves.
and me:
umm those are my boobs in that pic
i have over 600 people who follow me, i have over 1000 on twitter and many more who follow my blog.. all 3 places have this pic… i am a public person, maybe not famous… but i tip the scales… so maybe this pic does not raise money… but it does get people thinking.. if that thought for you means donate money..job well done, go out and give
is it bad i am hoping she will inspire me to write more?
yup she did… posted more
so did i
her:
I was aware, but I was saying in general ;). Your thing is your thing. Your opinion is yours and mine is mine. I really do not understand the reason why we are arguing over something as simple as an opinion. I really hope you spread awareness, though.

and me:
i am upset because too many people think money makes a difference.. it is impersonal and rarely gets to the people who need it
..
i am upset because i have done a lot that most never would and i have seen the inner workings of the system
..
i am upset because i choose to do something but get attacked for it.. be it in general or directly
..
i am upset that people (in general or directly) assume that my choice to show my breasts in support of this meme/event/day is just a scream for attention and excuse to get the boys (or girls) drooling for shallow fun in disguise of the real deal (did you say this, no but easily could be said/thought by anyone)
..
i am upset because too many ..around the world.. judge
you can have an opinion, it is wonderful to have one
but don’t be surprised if others decide to mirror back the judgment made on them
..
i mean, take selena gomez for example… a more neutral topic
she recently went public with the fact that she has lupus
the reason why she went public was because so many of her fans, random people with an opinion..
decided to bash her for being out of the public eye and canceling shows
omg OBBBBBVIOUSLY she must be a drunk or druggy and in rehab
her fans treated her like shit, posting comments all over the web
why?
because they had an opinion and one idiot after another listened to that opinion.. which helped spread hate and entertainment at the expense of another human being
..
you don’t like something
fine, don’t like it
you don’t agree with something
no big deal
you live life by a different set of rules
don’t judge me and how i live my life based off your opinions and your rules
..
so… yes i took this personally
because you said “Put your boobs back in your bra and donate to cancer research.”
and i bet you thought you could get away with stating your…opinion…
and not have a backlash
possibly thinking that this was just a meme shared by a friend by a friend by other people
instead of the one who created and posed for the meme
..
and if you don’t understand “why we are arguing over something as simple as an opinion”
words have value, the have weight
opinions are voiced words… they count
and all it takes is one person to say the wrong thing for it to become gospel in the minds of those who refuse to think for themselves
..
i’m not saying your opinion is wrong
i am saying why it pissed me off
i write best when it is for something i believe in
something that inspires me
but now it is 4:41am and i have a lil furball who wants me to go to bed and cuddle
yay for kittens
remember folks.. opinions are great but come with a lot of responsibility when shared

News of the day: A moment of silence vs speaking up #NeverForget911 and #AllLivesMatter


i saw a meme floating around earlier                                                                                                                                 saying we should do a facebook moment of silence between the hours that the towers fell

yes i want to pay respect
yes i turned on the news and watched in horror
partly because i was very much pregnant at the time and learning that there was a crash within driving distance of my house and no way did i want to go into labor with that sort of confusion and chaos going on…

so yes, i want to pay my respects
but i don’t want to be silent
i don’t see how that will make anything better and could very well turn things for the worse

staying silent doesnt change things

and everyone needs to remember
those who died that day
they were not all white americans
there was a mix
A MIX OF HUMAN LIVES from all over

and after the towers fell
what did people do?
did they give a moment of silence and then go and help everyone get over their grief and fear

some did

but far too many decided to target people who even remotely looked like what they considered a terrorist

hell my own cousin who is american of german / polish ancestry decided it was safer to change his appearance in such a radical way that he wouldnt be mistaken simply because he had dark features in the middle of bumfucknowhere wisconsin

so right now
fuck the moment of silence
it wont bring them back

if you want to pay your respects
don’t let any more lives be attacked
and i dont mean white american lives
i mean ALL lives

don’t let people go out hunting for trouble
don’t let people go out targeting who they think are terrorists
don’t let people go out looking for retribution

#AllLivesMatter

so make an effort, grow up and treat people better!
THAT is how you end terrorism

dont fuck with me when i drive!


ohhhhhhzzzzmahfuckingGAWD
so wanted to use my car/momvan to reach ramming speeds and fuck up this creep tonight!

dickshit decided he just had to ride my ass so close i could see the whites of his eyes in the rear view, then at the round about goes from behind me (left lane) to cut off guy next to me (right lane) and take the circle nearly hitting me so he can drive a straight line on a curved area

i am used to buttmuches like this but he seriously had me torked off and heart was pounding and fuck i wanted to nail his side with the front of my car… cause i could have! RAMMING SPEEDS!!
had i been one of those other simpering wetnosed shits on the road it would have been simple to get confused and punch the accelerator instead of the break

i maneuvered fine, used to this shit by now, punched my horn loud, strong and long as i took the curve well and didnt fuck over anyone behind me

dickforbrains went on to play musical lanes before he finally turned out of sight

i was so pissed i was shaking

hope the shiny ass fuck gets a craving for bestiality and shags an armadillo

E.B. Starpointer

erotic author and sex-positive male commentator

An Accident In Space And Time

Just your average, friendly Vulcan

Exposed Loving

Be Love. Bring Love. LOVE.

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