My sensual side

I can’t wake up

I want to go back to sleep

To dream of sensuality

Of hands relaxing me back to dreamland…

Strong hands massaging my body

Not the gentle touch of butterfly kisses on their fingers

Not the tickling traces along my skin

I crave strong hands with callused fingers

The kind that has a touch…

That my body reacts to

Stretching into their hands

Muscles tightening just right before letting go

Turning into putty in their hands

Arching into each touch

Purring in sleepy contentment

Changing position to invite more

Craving more

Needing the sleepy sex

The slow, sensual movements

Where bodies melt

Becoming one rhythmic dance

Hips begging to be touched

Pulled close

Not allowed to go too fast

Hand sliding up my night dress

Slowly exploring my skin

Hand between my breasts

Arm holding me tight

Claiming me as theirs

Feeling their breath across my ear

Nuzzling their face into my neck

Affectionate but possessive nibbles on my neck

Everything about me is built for sensual affection

I crave it

I long for it

I dream of it

Because I can’t find it

Fuck me hard later

When I’m in the mood to be used and crave it

But don’t neglect my sensual side

my boobs have been cat-napped

few months ago my son got a kitten

since he tends to keep his door closed a lot

she comes to me for attention

tonight she came running into my room

thump thomp thump

almost sounding like a crazed pony

she jumped on my bed and demanded attention

this meant i had to pet her a lot and give rubs/scratches

but that wasnt good enough

she demanded to be in my arms for cuddles

kisses and chin rubs

not to mention helping her stay curled in various yoga positions

for easier grooming

for a second i thought i was holding a long eared rabbit from the way she was posing

occasionally a paw trying to go up my nose

i kept shifting her around

at one point i swore i needed to put her in some kind of baby sling

finally we compromised

i stopped standing and she stopped fidgeting

i laid down on my bed

cuddled her into my chest

yay warm boobs and purring kitten

we stayed like this for a while

but curses!!

i needed to pee!!!

isnt that always the case

i waited as long as i could but nature won out

i left the warmth of my bed

and the softness of my kitten

when i came back..

of course it makes sense

i disturbed her happiness

so she claimed the middle of the bed

such is life

but at least she stayed

now she is back to cuddling

and google has joined us

though he is more picky about cuddle time

but he relaxed and cuddled my leg

paprika kept trying to get comfy

she is too cute like this

happy night of cuddling and purring

you inspired today’s blog #SFW #photo

i have received private messages on fetlife or other sites for years

always saying the same thing

“you inspire me” “you give me hope” “i can’t post pics like this to the world but i can love my body”

women…and men! have told me how brave i am to love myself, maybe not be content with all of my body

but to still go against the body shaming that people and society encourages

i love myself, i love aspects of my body and i am slowly shaping my body to the way i want to look

for better health and more energy… not because people think for me or tell me what to do or tell me what is considered attractive

i have no problem with other people and their body… so long as they are healthy and wear clothing that fits their shape

which is why i ave a serious problem with the fashion industry

how fucking complicated is it to make attractive clothing for people of different sizes?!

all shapes, all heights, all the different people with the same goal… to spend money looking and feeling good

stupidity annoys me to no end

ANYWAY

i decided to post a picture taken of me in wisconsin during my trip this past june

showing off my new capris that fit my curves well

since may, i have started to slim down, my numbers havent changed much but my shape and face are both showing the differences that mark i am losing or reorganizing the weight

i am 5’0 or 152.5cm (silly i know)

i weigh 85 kilo or 187 lbs or 13.38 st

most of my weight is in my legs

i spent years doing sports and roller skating reallllly changed the shape of my legs

muscle weighs more than fat

but my breasts are heavy haha

E on the left

F on the right

i have scars and stretch marks

i have a body that has been through a lot

things mark my body even if they are not visible

but this is my body

i only have the one

i want to enjoy life in this body, treat it well and enjoy others

find your own desires, make them happen

love your body

dont listen to anyone who body shames

love who you are… faults and all

the reason i posted this today?

another lovely leaving a message

if i keep inspiring others to be kind to their-self

i will keep posting

i love my T-Friends #SeekingArrangements #TransgenderBlog

as always i find something on a dating site or kink site and it makes me think

often it is someone being stupid but well meaning and i get into a snit about needing to correct them

haha not be “right” just help open their mind a bit more

i love when people head in the right direction but need a push over the edge to better open their eyes

*

*

anyway today i was on the seeking arrangement website

i have been there for years but i am not the cotton candy fluff that most men want

no big deal

but i decided to read through some of the blogs

this one popped up at me

A Different Kind of Sugar

to sum up the blog entry… this is who we are, this is a list of terms we use and treat us with respect

which really is how we SHOULD treat everyone

an individual or a group

learn who they are, what they need to be comfortable and be respectful

not really that complicated and yet so many people fuck it up

anyway i thought i would post a quick reply on one of my experiences in life

i love my T-friends

i met a young FTM a few years ago…. so lonely, depressed, such a lovely soul but in so many bad relationships (love/family/friends/work)

she became my lil boy
so bouncy and hyper and happy
simple friendship and encouragement to tell the (bad side/stupid side of the) world to just fuck off and be and love yourself

i am by no means a sugar mommy but i love deeply and help when i can
helping to fund (along with a few other friends) binders to help him look more the way he feels

i have helped guide him through tough times, different loves and watched how he grew with the help of the medications and exercise… his shapes changing and voice deepening

i have watched the video blog he created to document the process and give courage to others….. he is very much one of my boys (i have 3 children ages 18, almost 14 and 8) and i am so proud of who he has become as a person… the confidence without arrogance, the kindness mixed with a rough edge, the intelligence and the happiness

i have many people in my life and i know what it is like to suffer being different..
to try to wear a smile when the world is trying to chip away at you for being you

i am poor in money but rich in love, kindness, empathy, knowledge and experiences… i give what i can in the only ways i can

my small part in trying to change the world for the better

i am searching for someone to offer me kindness.. i know it is out there

so i hope you T-Friends keep searching and find your kindness too

lots of love
shalla

What does cuddling mean to you?

every so often i will see something in my inbox from fetlife that will inspire me to write

this message has been sitting untouched for about a week now

but today i was brave enough to face the question and the pain that always comes with such a sensitive subject

affection, cuddles, touch, mental stimulation is what i need

often around me i find people who are unable to understand why these things are so vital to me

one guy on a dating site said i should just get a puppy and drop the sites

another guy said i should see a shrink

lovely men there are in the world

(not that today’s women are any better)

i take the time to explain who i am and what i need

then i get attacked for being me

for being my special kind of “handicapped”

ah well you cant expect everyone to be able to handle the truth

or to say no to their over active libido and under developed IQ

i know that not all men (or women) are like this

but i often find the worst before i find the normal or exceptional ones

i am not pessimistic… i am honest..realistic

i am not half empty or half full…i am the glass..

so this question was asked

and with all fetlife questions that i share on my blog

i do not give the comments of others or names/handles

How far does it go before its not cuddling? Some “cuddling” that I’ve experienced isn’t cuddling at all. Its full fledged messing around. Personally, those aren’t the same thing. I like having stuff defined so everyone is at least in the same book and there are minimal surprises. Let me know your thoughts.

and this is what i had to say

i like to sleep with people
not sex
doesnt have to be heavy petting or kissing

just two or more bodies in a bed or on a pile of pillows
arms around each other
feeling warm, safe, content

my life is full of stress and pain
i need the innocent and affectionate side of cuddling
like how puppies or other baby animals group together and sleep

everyday
all day
i have to be strong and cope and try to look normal
but i suffer a lot of chronic pain and stress

when i cuddle
i get to let go of that
i get to relax
and relaxing is so damn hard for me

but so few people seem to get this concept
and trying to explain this to the french
the guys all seem to think i am crazy
or that i am hiding what i “really” want

where i am it is very lonely

the women are distant and usually cold or fear breaking taboos
the men usually just want sex.. not even kink…just sex
so boring

thank you for inspiring me to write
i will add this (what i have to say and your question, not others comments) to my blog
but no worries, i never put names or images unless requested

what i didnt add in my reply is that i have had a number of people assume that i mean foreplay and sex when i tell them i want to cuddle

when i was state side, there was a guy i met online and i clicked with him

i felt very comfortable with him and just wanted to be wrapped up in his arms

no stress, no pressure, no drama

he was like me in that he had a troubled past with a broken marriage

but he assumed i meant i wanted sex and drama

it amazes me how i can write a blog

share all that i am on any single subject

explain that these are my thruths

this is who i am

read me

and yet they don’t and they make assumptions and we both lose a chance for something good

i dont play games

i dont like lies

i dont want to be used

i dont want to be a slut to try and find the affection i need in touch

i dont want to compromise, again and again, who i am for others

i want to touch and be touched

i want to rest my head in your lap while listening to music or watching movies or sitting in the park

i want your hand running through my hair

my body curled around yours if we are in the park

or my body parallel, entwined with your legs as you lean back

i need your body close to me

as close as one can be without merging into one being

i need to feel safe, protected, wanted… not sexually desired..wanted, cared for

with this i can relax

with this i can let go of the stress and pain

i dont understand why this behavior is accepted in pets…animal on animal contact

or human and animal contact

but not with human to human

we are animals

i know i have said this before

but as the world has not stood up and taken notice

i say it again

there needs to be more love

more unconditional love and happiness

not hippy free love and no thinking

puppy innocence

but this is what i think

my two cents

ps… you see the white space around me in this picture

that is where you belong

cuddling me