#covid19 my thoughts

I’m extremely disappointed in society
By many I’m reading on my friends list here or those in groups or on Twitter
But especially those in the states

The best example for what’s going on right now is New Year eve celebrations

In California you can watch the various time zones celebrating as time shifts

But new years doesn’t mean anything till the celebration has hit your home town

The same is happening with the virus

Many see what happened in other locations, other time zones and many are not taking it seriously until they ACTUALLY feel the impact on their community

Because of how society has been set up, many couldn’t afford to self isolate before being forced to do so by the government…
It’s wrong but I get it

What worries me are those still thinking it’s a hoax

And folks who are being selfish while putting themselves and others at risk

Like the guy in the UK wanting to go for a run in the park with his newborn

Or the number of people I’m seeing who say they want to get infected to just get it over with or how the military should be infected so it can be gotten over with… I’ve seen both from multiple people around the world

It’s horribly selfish because it lowers the value of your own life, there is no guarantee how you will react to the virus and risk dying alone and leaving those who care about you suffering much like suicide

It puts those who are already suffering at risk because medication and machines have to be diverted and it puts health services at risk of not only being closer to catching and potentially dying from a higher viral load but worse to survive with c-ptsd and survivors guilt and rage they have no outlet for

So many have and will die, alone
Human as well as animals in vet clinics

Many are raging…which is valid

But far too many are putting on rose tinted glasses and trying to let others do their thing, to ignore those who are being willfully ignorant about this and believing it a hoax…

Not realizing they to are being just as willfully ignorant and allowing it to continue and perpetuating what we are going through and have gone through over the decades by chosing the lesser evil

Many are saying to write your anger, get it all out and then burn it… Which is wonderful advice for more normal times, more normal feelings and pains

We are in Anne Frank times

We need to document our fears, our pains, our struggles… So that our future selves have the material to learn from and hopefully avoid making the same mistakes or perpetuating these mistakes or making worse choices

We need for it all to change, for the better…

Globally, not just in the states and those focusing only on the states are part of the problem

While I fully support the Black Lives movement, which predominantly focuses on folks in the states (WITH JUSTIFICATION!) but is not limited to

This genuinely is a time when we need to all join together, globally, scream at all the governments that ALL lives matter…
Be they human, animal or mineral
(Yes this is something I have been saying since I was little even though I’m white)

Around the wide world we have chosen to pick our battles, they are all valid but they are all sub categories of a larger picture

We need to get to the root of the problem and unit to fix it…


This is our moment in history to do so

We are being forced to do so

But will we?

Will we pay attention to the racism that is putting POC communities at greater risk of infection because they have lower access to proper care and supplies?

As well as the poor and handicapped in all communities…

Will we pay attention to the racism that is causing people to die from violence associated with fear?

Will we pay attention to domestic violence?

Be it couples such as the murder suicide in front of their children or the adult children murdering their parents…

Will we pay attention to the fact that many don’t have fancy degrees and yet are still capable of thinking, feeling and able to rationalize or will we keep picking these people apart or putting others down for having important things to say because they post nudes?

Will we stop caring about labels for any subject and focus on the truth…

You are either for life and a better future FOR ALL or you are against it…

Will we stop condemning others to make ourselves feel more important?

Will we stop shielding others from the truth, to keep them innocent…yet berate them later for not getting the information they needed to make wise choices…

Will we CHOOSE to be better, behave better, do better for the sake of a better world for all?

Or will we try to go back to what we’ve “always” known and once again turn a blind eye to the global problem?

Will we clean out this festering wound, potentially amputating the problems and cauterizing the wound…

Or will we wash it up, slap a new bandaid on it and ignore what is killing us…

I’m making this public (on Facebook Shalla Radiolady) so maybe it will reach the people who are out there, like me, desperately crying out for a better world…


To try to wake up folks and get them to think beyond the gut reaction and fear and hate

To reach the people who can’t form the words to explain what they feel yet can relate to what I’m saying

Screwed in all the wrong ways 😭

Yay (sarcasm)

Was feeling all cute and cuddly

Ready to face the cold and wind so I could toss the ball around with Bruce

Was going to make a fun video and be cheerful with the cats and Bruce

Back inside with a panic attack

Was supposed to get a small shipment of cat food to hold me over till I get money in the bank after the 5th

Because tomorrow I’ll be out of cat food and I can’t guarantee local stores will have any and I’d have to walk 6+ km to the nearest store in a lockdown county

But plans fell through and earliest I could get help is Wednesday

This is why I give help but have been too traumatized to ask for help

This is why I get upset when people pull a surprise on me

This is why I need full details

This is why my ex husband traumatized me and has instilled this behavior into my boys, thus perpetuating the negativite pattern of miscommunication

And this is why folks try to say I’m paranoid and don’t genuinely need all the details

This is my constant

This is my daily, weekly, monthly for years

This is not new because of covid-19

This is because society at large…sucks and now I have bigger stress pilled on top

So I’m going back to bed to cry my frustrations because tomorrow I’ll have to be strong and find an alternative… As always

I’m seriously tired of chronically being strong

I got blocked 🤣 poor baby

Edit to show original post

Had to scroll around to find it after he blocked me

Clearly shows inability to do that reading comprehension thingy lol

Edit end…


How cute

Mostly porn… Hmm do you even understand the difference?

No intellectual thought… How many people actually remember or know about the “dunce cap”

Pretty high quality snark and sarcasm there, touch of humorous tones inspired by various series … plus old school special words too

Ah how Trump supporters have no ability to take time and use their brains for more than shit stirring and promoting the suffering and it deaths of others


I see many should be wearing the dunce cap and sent to the corner

6 of 31 March photography challenge

Today’s challenge is “happiness”

I’ve been in a panic all day trying to figure out how to capture happiness in an erotic way…

I even posted this on Instagram

I’ve been forced into being demisexual

Through my ex husband, various lovers or wannabe lovers, the Pepe le Pew style of “MeToo” chasing

I want and need the “Gomez and Morticia Addams” style of chasing, romance, affection, communication and naughty fun

But the dating world wants to focus on the Joker and Harley type of “love” or think 50 shades of crap is the Bible for Bdsm

I know better

I want better

I GIVE better

And I sure as shit DESERVE better

So if I haven’t felt the type of happiness I need, not at the levels I crave…

How can I express this erotic “happiness” without doing a “fake it to make it” feeling

This year I’m focusing on me

Healing what others have done, what life has done and what I’ve done

Since I couldn’t think of a way to be my authentic self and show it in an image

I’m going to be playful and say food porn haha

While my boys are with me, I have to play the role of Mom, which means thinking up meals and figuring out ways to inspire them to want to learn how to cook amazingly tasty things

While still staying on a budget and large enough portions to last

Part of why I’m doing this, teaching and inspiring them…

Is because I can’t find enough of the good qualities I want in a male lover

And I know there are too many mother’s bitching about the lack of help they get from their partners, as well as their older kids…

Or getting bitched at because how dare they expect their sons to do house work… “women’s work”

Everyone should know how to cook and clean, at least on a base level, so that when they go out into the adult world…

They are capable of living without someone constantly there to wipe their ass

These are life skills and they teach time management, communication, money management, group conditions, respect…

All of these are useful skills in every aspect of life

You shouldn’t chose a partner just because your mom did everything for you and want that behavior to continue into your adult life

And mom’s shouldn’t feel as if they only exist as slaves to the home

I lived through that

I sacrificed like that

I won’t do it again

I have the potential to be an amazing wife and home maker

But I refuse if I don’t feel appreciated and celebrated

And that is one of the reasons why my marriage failed… among many other reasons

And that is why I’m working on myself now

I want to be happy again

I want to have a sex drive again

I want my HIGH sex drive back!

Because I feel like a third of my personality is missing

I feel broken

While it’s not good to overly objectify others…

I don’t drool over people I find extremely my type of attractive

Take Henry Cavill as an example

Theoretically, he is an “ideal” man… At least according to what society dictates as attractive

I can easily list off his features and seemingly his personality… But most of us have seen the Witcher…

I admit, I’ve only seen him in the Witcher and Stardust but I don’t remember him in it haha

By what society says about attractiveness …

I’m supposed to be drooling, having wet dreams and fantasizing …

Ok, yes…

I am having fantasies when I look at those broad shoulders and massive arms

I fantasize about cuddles

Do you, the reader, understand how obnoxiously lame that sounds?

Even to my own ears and eyes

But because I can’t objectify him the way others do

Because I have been so badly changed and forced to become demisexual…

Because I am often having to be badass and strong to survive everything life throws in my path

My fantasy is to put down the baggage I carry, curl up in his lap, be held and rest… To feel safe and protected

So that I can recharge and keep going with my baggage

While it may seem sweet and innocent, which it is…

It’s also fucked up

That society has forced a third of my personality into hermit mode

I’m out of balance

And while I want that part of me back, I don’t want to go overboard and express the extreme side others do and at the same time, I want to FEEL something when I look at someone

Because right now, I don’t…

So fuck trying to film erotic happiness if I don’t feel it

I refuse to be fake

So instead I made an Asian influenced chicken lasagna

Sweet, spicy, creamy, peppery, savory and an orgasm for my taste buds

Sorry if today’s challenge disappoints

But it’s about me

Tomorrow’s challenge is “luck”

This I think I can do a lot more easily

Random “dick” humor

Don’t mind me….

I’m just gonna sit here and fiddle with my “micro penis” using my tongue…

Gingerly bit into a very hot potato and burnt the roof of my mouth, the area just behind my two front teeth…

It doesn’t hurt but it’s inflamed and feels like a tiny dick…

I can’t stop fiddling with it

Free thoughts

For a better communication


Often Erotic Musings from a queer, kinky and definitely dirty girl

An Accident In Space And Time

Just your average, friendly Vulcan

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