I am not a pretty princess


So I felt playful the other day and posted this picture

I don’t do pink

Yet I felt the need to be cute and silly

Sadly I’m not the badass type to dye my hair all sorts of colors and wear outlandish amounts of bright makeup

Though I’m highly curious due to so many of my friends who live this type of lifestyle

But I’d rather be a pirate wench haha

Guess I’ll have to break out my corsets soon

summer healing


so i have been battling an autoimmune disorder for nearly 25 years and i will be 37 this october… so my health has been something of a mess for FAR too long

one of the best ways to see how i am suffering is to look at my face

part of the reason i tend to look so young is because i have something similar to acne and have had this problem since i was 10!

it seems that i am allergic to myself and have random allergy breakouts that get worse depending on a number of factors

since moving out of that pretty shit hole i was in for 3 years.. my skin is healing

i moved out fully in july, so far i have only had one bad week of skin where i needed some make up to dampen down the look of my skin

because i get cysts in some of my pores, i literally have to perform surgery on my face to get the crap out or it will hurt worse and force me to go to the hospital to get them to do it under pain meds… the cysts tend to reach down and put pressure on nerves making it excruciating the bigger they get

but taking care of my skin constantly makes he have sores that run the risk of getting infected and leaving angry red spots or scars… it is a real bitch and can be a nightmare to hear or see people freak out if i am not wearing makeup

being out of the bad house with the mold has really helped my health

on top of that i started to use a mixture of coconut oil and red palm oil, rubbing it into my skin and sleeping with it on over night

i have no allergies to either but if you try it be warned of possible allergies and staining of towels or sheets haha

first time i tried i worried if the orange tint would wash off my face.. did not want to go around with people thinking i wanted to look like trump.. ick ick lol

but it comes off easily and heals the skin, making it softer, cutting down infection and bacteria that builds up on and in the skin… also helps to slowly make scars go away 😀

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so this is me today, no makeup and this is the end of a week were it has been the worst my skin has looked in a about a month and a half 😀

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this is me the other day with makeup

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haha no eyebrows but who cares

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i love that i am healing… finally

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also love that i am starting to slim down, i’ve lost 7 kilos, roughly 15 lbs… im at 85 kilo or roughly 187lbs

haha no i dont plan on trying to get stick skinny, my bones and muscle tone would never support that but i would like to get closer to 56kilo or roughly 125 lbs where i was about 10 years ago

i love this picture as it clearly shows more of my lines are coming back as i slim down

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less weight means easier to move, easier to find clothing that fits in this weird fashion world of france and elf like bodies… i’m more of a dwarf haha but no beard 😉

i want to be stronger and more healthy

 

 

4 years & a #ScavengerHunt


seems i have been on wordpress for a long 4 years

it has been an adventure

finding someone to believe in me enough to tell me to get my ass on here and write, post pictures and share who i am… thank you Molly

helping to learn who i am, who i was repressing for the desires of others… and divorcing myself from those who tried to control and hold me back

4 years of tears, laughter, random thoughts, venting at the world, sharing my curves and how i see the world

so much i wanted to do with blog but never did and yet i am still here, still posting.. though more pictures than words these last few years.. again, thanks to Molly and her sinful sundays

but others too! the friends i have made at events in london or on twitter and through facebook or friends of friends… the lovelies who leave comments… far too many to name

i still wish i had a muse to bring back the passion that is sleeping inside of me but i know this will come more easily the closer i get to my goal of being in a safe, happy ME zone… and i am getting there… so damn slowly but it is happening!

so thank you… all of you

and to my special Curvaceous Dee for inspiring me to join the scavenger hunt, sharing who i am in a fun, exciting and courageous way… which in turn helps me to help others love their body simply because it is theirs to love

so here is a pic of me today

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i was out with the girls and decided, what the hell, take a pic… get them hooked on the fun and silliness 😀

here are some other pics of my day, out and about..

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since my boys decided they wanted to stay home and play video games, they missed out on seeing the old abandoned pottery building

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we couldn’t go in but was a good walk around and i took so many pictures

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it was a good day out, being silly with others who “get me”

many hugs

 

 

 

 

giggly jiggly boobs & a cat


paprika cat has been very silly tonight

figured i would share her silliness

Paprika cat being dopey

hope you enjoy

i’m off to bed

 

another one blocked


Another one gets the block
Another one gets the block
And another one gone, and another one gone
Another one gets the block
Hey, I’m gonna get you, too
Another one gets the block
 
i really should have blocked this guy on skype a year ago but i just couldnt be bothered
so the last few months i have been analyzing what he says, how it makes me feel and why
and tonight i finally told him the truth, that i was analyzing him like a bug under a lens… which seemed to hurt and offend him
 
but honestly, if i am telling the truth about who i am, why i am and that i have absolutely no interest but he continues and sends a very boring cock in shorts hard on, when i have only just said a few minutes before that i am not sexually excited and rarely get that way for years now… yeah douche nozzle
 
i like to flirt, i love finding people i am comfortable with because that helps stimulate my mind and then i find inspiration and THEN i write… i can write beautifully.. but i need a muse
 
and if the average guy is making me go.. meh, i think i would rather get an enema using rusty surgical equipment covered in poisonous jelly fish… well i just wont find my stimulation for my writing lol
 
if you know me, if you really read what i say and pay attention
 
my words are full of something… always something
 
if they sound flat and robot like… that is what i am feeling
if i am bouncing and *giggling like mad* .. that is what i am doing and feeling
if i am venting and swearing a lot.. welcome to pirate mode
 
i am extremely expressive if you pay attention
and i try really hard not to bitch or cause fights with people and often go out of my way to explain this
 
but many dont bother to learn this
they read what they want, think what they want… but it isnt ME
 
i guess i need to do more videos so people hear my voice, see who i am… but there will still be many like mr blocked who can’t see past the end of their nose
 
for me they serve a purpose … they help me avoid further people i just don’t want or need in my life at any price
i am brutally honest, i dont do flattery and i dont talk just to hear myself talk
not many are like this
and the older i get, the less tolerance i have for the behavior of others
which ties in with a number of previous blogs i have posted about the behavior of men and how they treat women
it is very frustrating
i want a better world… i try to raise my boys to be good men, they give me shit but thats natural in the mother/child equation.. how they behave with others of all gender, culture and all the rest, is what matters to me right now… i know it will get better when it is mother/adult child relationship
i always wanted a daughter but in many ways i am glad that didnt happen, this isnt a world i want for my lil girl…
i am fine with men lusting over the words i write … but they are often only words… empty of who i am…. pulled from the universe and shaped onto paper
i am fine with men lusting over my pictures … but they are just pictures… yes OF me but not who i am
i am fine selling my body for money… but i refuse to be used for free
E.B. Starpointer

erotic author and sex-positive male commentator

An Accident In Space And Time

Just your average, friendly Vulcan

Exposed Loving

Be Love. Bring Love. LOVE.

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