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    May 2021
    M T W T F S S

#sinfulsunday I am…

This week I’m posting right on the deadline due to a weekend of non stop PTSD panic attacks from what’s been going on in DC, idiots online and issues at home

All Sinful Sundays are about the image but this one is focused on “I am” and here are just of the few attributes that explain who I am

Heavily influenced by the bullshit going on in the world but especially in the states

Click on the lips to see who else is participating, learn what “I am” means to them

Sinful Sunday

And eventually I will write my own #metoo mixed with #whyididntreportit

I have a voice, not everyone has found theirs and some never will

For those of us with a voice… It is vitally important we use each word and scream and shout we have

Use your voice

Be heard

deep thoughts due to attack in Brussels

another attack…
it makes me ill

the attack in Brussels, the wars in other countries, all the suffering that makes it to the news and all the suffering that never gets heard…

the greed, the fear, the hatred…

it makes me ashamed to be human…

somewhere in the universe, another world is viewing us through their own version of Hubble and one day picking up our broadcasts…

i know that light takes a very long time to reach us and that what we see in space is often long gone…

living in the now, for us, i hope we get better as a planet so that when those who are viewing us have something bright to see instead of this humiliation…

yes, it is stupid to worry what others think…

but at the same time if we worried a little bit more in the right directions, maybe one day we would have a more utopian like society, so that we could be the wise and friendly aliens who go out to help others become advanced

but on the path we currently walk, i fear for ourselves and the terrors we would most likely participate in, if not unleash, on the universe

venting over politics again

watching the news
seeing things circle back to black lives matter vs all lives matter and people getting pissed cause clinton wont cow tow to the public opinion and say black lives matter and that saying all lives matter is wrong or said in bad taste or that if politicians dont have the balls to say x….

and i voice my distress over this on twitter
somehow i am labeled as having an ego for thinking that…

all lives matter vs black lives matter is a difference between continued segregation vs humanitarianism

how i now have an ego for thinking that EVERYONE matters
no matter what your race, color, sex, religion or if you are a fucking plant or animal/insect/bird etc

if we want to better this world we have to teach EVERYONE that we are all important and that we have to treat others better!

if we keep saying the following (see below) then we keep segregating in the hopes to better each group instead of uniting us all for the same hopes of being treated well and being happy

same sex marriage vs gay/lesbian
black live matter vs all lives matter
your religion vs my religion vs there is no god
wealth (its all mine) vs poor and those caught in the middle
disabled vs abled
male vs female vs who you feel you should be

the list goes on

we all matter, if we keep choosing to put labels on who matters, we end up wasting time by taking a longer path to the destination we are hoping to find

yes, the end point matters but so does the road you take to get there and who you influence along the way and how they receive your influence

but ya know, i have an ego

My humble opinion #TooGayForPutin

Note: I saw on facebook and twitter that this sort of protest was going on and decided to join in. My video is silly, as usual, because I never plan what I am going to say, right off the cuff… but it comes from the heart, which is always nervous about voicing what it feels




« Too Gay for Putin »

This seems to be a theme this year as the Olympics are happening in Sochi, Russia

With Vladimir Putin telling the world, in one way or another, that homophobia is not welcome in his country

Or saying that it doesn’t exist in his country

Or trying to play down the bad press by saying he does have gay friends…


In this day and age it really doesn’t matter how powerful you are in terms of world image, we the people of this planet are going to judge everything you do and with the invention of the web… we will voice our opinions

Not because what we all say is right

But simply because… we can

Usually it is the loudest that gets heard and often that means the village idiot

Though we, as a whole are getting better at standing up against what we feel is wrong with the world and are trying to make changes for the better


There should be nothing wrong with being gay or lesbian or transgender or any of the other labels out there that people use to better define the way they see themselves

We are people

We are human

We love

Why is that wrong?


Let people be happy

The more we, as a whole, are happy

The more we can inspire others to be happy

The more we do that… the better we will make our world for everyone, in everyway


Stop trying to make people miserable

It gains us nothing


part 2 of yay another rant part political

As if one bitch fest from me on the subject wasn’t enough…

One guy on fet really pissing me off

The reply to previous question on my blog


Male, age 51

I am wondering what is going to happen when the fire fight is hot and a little kid comes running at your postion. Are you going to save the little kid or scream at it to stop or you will shoot. All kidding aside can you pull that trigger and save everyone from the bomb strapped on that kid?

And yes allot of weak men are overcome with emotions in the heat of battle. But how can you woman claim as so many have to be soooo in touch with your emotions and then say you can just switch them off. Ignore genes all you want but some things are hard wired into the majority. Am i saying you are not strong? Oh hell no. Not brave? Nope you have it in spades when needed. Just saying that when faced with a choice of shooting that kid or letting him enter the camp that allot of woman are going to fail that challange. Dont say it has not happenes. In nalm and korea that tactic was used.

My reply:

I can switch off my emotions and have sex with you, take your money and walk out

I can also switch off my emotions and hold the heart of a pig that is still beating in a slowly dying adolescent swine that has been used for a pig lab to teach medical students, some of whom are female, how to properly stitch you up should you have a heart attack or get shot or for whatever reason you need internal matters dealt with

I am also able to switch off and cut the heads off of baby mice, the ones that are pink, furless and look too fucking much like human fetuses because you see… to euthanize them you can’t just gas them, that only works on animals with adult set of lungs, the ones that young are not developed the same and gassing them only puts them to sleep so you HAVE to take that extra step

I am able to switch off my fear for myself and battle a chimney fire in my house, while alone and watching 2 of my 3 children… when I say chimney fire, I mean fire box that has a long pipe to the ceiling that goes outside, said pipe made this sound… a growling sound, the shiny silver of the pipe turned a love shade of metallic rainbow and flames started licking out the seams by about a good 5 inches… and yeah, it had been professionally cleaned prior to said issues

I can switch off my emotions when trying to avoid getting raped 4 times, the first two being so violent I refuse to let people touch my neck, that if they do I have a violent panic attack with strangers and go stiff waiting with others I know and trust… the 3rd never got as violent and all 3 of those I could talk my way out of it going too far but that 4th one got violent to the point that due to language issues I could not talk my way out and had to fight back to avoid getting raped

I have been raped by those I was dating and I switched off during that

I have switched off saving lives, get the job done, you can freak later if you still need to

I have switched off on so many occasions it isn’t funny

Can you do what I have done?

Can you do what I have lived through without the proper training that schooling gives you, just going with your gut instincts and hands on experiences?

if I can fucking do all of that while being ill for 21 years, no help from doctors, them telling me it is all in my head and giving me nothing but emotional and mental abuse when they are there to fucking help me… yay for autoimmune disorders, the silent and misunderstood disorder that if treated early when symptoms show up… so much pain could be avoided

So yeah, if I can do all that I have without training and in chronic pain… just think what I could do if I had training, with or without the pain

Can you live my life?

Can you be as strong as I am?

Can you detach like I can and have had to?

If I am in a battle and have to choose them or me/my team… fuck yeah, us first

If there are kids with guns, well fuck, that is why you train to aim your shot, you don’t HAVE to shoot to kill, you can wound the shooting arm/hand whatever needs to be done to stop them from shooting and ask questions later

I have looked my son in the eyes when he was full on raging, needing to go from old medication to new medication for his bipolar… he tried to take a belt to me and as angry and mentally unstable as he was, I still saw the fear in his eyes and some part of him begging me to stop him

So I fucking stopped him, no one takes a belt to me unless I ask for it!

If you think men are so emotionally stable… why are there not better PTSD treatments out there! Why are there not enough men being taught that NO MEANS NO and SHE IS NOT ASKING FOR IT

if you men are so damn perfect and so damn mentally stable, then why do you have guys in the military that pose for pictures pissing on the bad guys, losing their minds and killing everyone because it is easier than thinking who is innocent civilian vs bad guy

please tell me that men have evolved to the point of perfection before you try and tell me I am not good enough to fight for my country just because I have my balls on the inside and my penis just doesn’t hang down as far as your

Am I taking this personally?



Because I have lived, not all that I want, not all that I could be but I have lived and I have FOUGHT every day for the last 21 years to do so


Other persons on fet female age 42:

What happens when a woman has her period? It’s gonna get messy and where’s she gonna take care of business in the field?

Reply to her:

Seriously? Her period…

You do know they have these things called tampons and even the guys in the unit are trained to carry them… why? Cause they stop bleeding… not just ya know, the girl kind but also the “oh fuck I’ve been shot” and fill the hole with something kind

I dunno, maybe a girl on her period might mean having a few extra tampons on hand to save a few extra lives

And since when has war been anything BUT messy?

Bah!!! I should not be reading any of this, it just boils my blood and it is because of people in power that we have so many men and women today that would fuck us over if they ever got drafted… why… oh mainly because they are not taught the value of life, watch reality tv and think in pack mentality…. we are so screwed when they grow up and take over

You people are bad for my health





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