My sensual side


I can’t wake up

I want to go back to sleep

To dream of sensuality

Of hands relaxing me back to dreamland…

Strong hands massaging my body

Not the gentle touch of butterfly kisses on their fingers

Not the tickling traces along my skin

I crave strong hands with callused fingers

The kind that has a touch…

That my body reacts to

Stretching into their hands

Muscles tightening just right before letting go

Turning into putty in their hands

Arching into each touch

Purring in sleepy contentment

Changing position to invite more

Craving more

Needing the sleepy sex

The slow, sensual movements

Where bodies melt

Becoming one rhythmic dance

Hips begging to be touched

Pulled close

Not allowed to go too fast

Hand sliding up my night dress

Slowly exploring my skin

Hand between my breasts

Arm holding me tight

Claiming me as theirs

Feeling their breath across my ear

Nuzzling their face into my neck

Affectionate but possessive nibbles on my neck

Everything about me is built for sensual affection

I crave it

I long for it

I dream of it

Because I can’t find it

Fuck me hard later

When I’m in the mood to be used and crave it

But don’t neglect my sensual side

6 of 31 March photography challenge


Today’s challenge is “happiness”

I’ve been in a panic all day trying to figure out how to capture happiness in an erotic way…

I even posted this on Instagram

I’ve been forced into being demisexual

Through my ex husband, various lovers or wannabe lovers, the Pepe le Pew style of “MeToo” chasing

I want and need the “Gomez and Morticia Addams” style of chasing, romance, affection, communication and naughty fun

But the dating world wants to focus on the Joker and Harley type of “love” or think 50 shades of crap is the Bible for Bdsm

I know better

I want better

I GIVE better

And I sure as shit DESERVE better

So if I haven’t felt the type of happiness I need, not at the levels I crave…

How can I express this erotic “happiness” without doing a “fake it to make it” feeling

This year I’m focusing on me

Healing what others have done, what life has done and what I’ve done

Since I couldn’t think of a way to be my authentic self and show it in an image

I’m going to be playful and say food porn haha

While my boys are with me, I have to play the role of Mom, which means thinking up meals and figuring out ways to inspire them to want to learn how to cook amazingly tasty things

While still staying on a budget and large enough portions to last

Part of why I’m doing this, teaching and inspiring them…

Is because I can’t find enough of the good qualities I want in a male lover

And I know there are too many mother’s bitching about the lack of help they get from their partners, as well as their older kids…

Or getting bitched at because how dare they expect their sons to do house work… “women’s work”

Everyone should know how to cook and clean, at least on a base level, so that when they go out into the adult world…

They are capable of living without someone constantly there to wipe their ass

These are life skills and they teach time management, communication, money management, group conditions, respect…

All of these are useful skills in every aspect of life

You shouldn’t chose a partner just because your mom did everything for you and want that behavior to continue into your adult life

And mom’s shouldn’t feel as if they only exist as slaves to the home

I lived through that

I sacrificed like that

I won’t do it again

I have the potential to be an amazing wife and home maker

But I refuse if I don’t feel appreciated and celebrated

And that is one of the reasons why my marriage failed… among many other reasons

And that is why I’m working on myself now

I want to be happy again

I want to have a sex drive again

I want my HIGH sex drive back!

Because I feel like a third of my personality is missing

I feel broken

While it’s not good to overly objectify others…

I don’t drool over people I find extremely my type of attractive

Take Henry Cavill as an example

Theoretically, he is an “ideal” man… At least according to what society dictates as attractive

I can easily list off his features and seemingly his personality… But most of us have seen the Witcher…

I admit, I’ve only seen him in the Witcher and Stardust but I don’t remember him in it haha

By what society says about attractiveness …

I’m supposed to be drooling, having wet dreams and fantasizing …

Ok, yes…

I am having fantasies when I look at those broad shoulders and massive arms

I fantasize about cuddles

Do you, the reader, understand how obnoxiously lame that sounds?

Even to my own ears and eyes

But because I can’t objectify him the way others do

Because I have been so badly changed and forced to become demisexual…

Because I am often having to be badass and strong to survive everything life throws in my path

My fantasy is to put down the baggage I carry, curl up in his lap, be held and rest… To feel safe and protected

So that I can recharge and keep going with my baggage

While it may seem sweet and innocent, which it is…

It’s also fucked up

That society has forced a third of my personality into hermit mode

I’m out of balance

And while I want that part of me back, I don’t want to go overboard and express the extreme side others do and at the same time, I want to FEEL something when I look at someone

Because right now, I don’t…

So fuck trying to film erotic happiness if I don’t feel it

I refuse to be fake

So instead I made an Asian influenced chicken lasagna

Sweet, spicy, creamy, peppery, savory and an orgasm for my taste buds

Sorry if today’s challenge disappoints

But it’s about me

Tomorrow’s challenge is “luck”

This I think I can do a lot more easily

Sending love to the universe


I’m a scorpio…

Full of passion, mystery and depth

But with 12 years of pain, it’s been hard to properly manifest my passions

Art being one of them

But today I felt the pull to be creative and express myself

I have so much love within me

Too much to give to only one person and so much to give in only one form

I’ve learned to give love in many different ways

I happily give unconditional love and as much love as I can also give to the type of love that comes with conditions attached

But I don’t feel that love should be limited to only romantic coupling, family and pets

I freely give it to friends and strangers

Today I’m giving it to everyone who has knowingly touched my life

As well as to those who have no idea I exist

Plus everyone in between

I’m sending this love out to the universe, because we need more love to tap into and I know what starts with me… With the self

It will eventually come back to me

So I did this painting

Trying to show the warm depths of my water sign and trying to shift that heart, my love, into the flow of the universe

It’s rare that I create art any more

I’ve been in such a dark place

Being a hermit and trying to cope and heal from the damages done to me

I’m getting there

It’s slow but happening

So I give you my love

Pass it on

Down 30 kilos thanks to #ClimateChange


I’ve noticed a trend

I keep the weight off through good habits and changes to my diet to better my health issues

But for the last 3 summers, France has had intense heat waves and virtually no air conditioning

It has been so hot that I’ve been forced into fasting because the thought of anything but fruit and water would make me feel sick

Or I had no appetite at all and no awareness of the passage of time

The fact that it was too hot to drive safely and that anywhere you went was hot and offered vitally no escape from the heat…

The fact that almost weekly I was posting pictures on Instagram, showing the “in the shade” temperature, a few minutes in full sun temperatures vs what weather channels were reading for my area and me ranting at the bullshit numbers on the websites

The intense heat is a dangerous risk to my brain due to my cerebral vascular issues

So I’ve had to be smart and I love how something good came from the literal suffering I’ve been through during the last 3 summers

I’ve lost 30 kilos, roughly 65 lbs and kept it off

I can’t be as active as I want and due to family trauma in February, I have virtually no local friends to go out and have fun exercise with

But I’m getting stronger and I’m proud of the choices I’ve made with what I’ve been given

The innocent changes


I’m impressed with the changes I’ve made this year

Not just losing the weight but finding myself again and again as necessary

These photos are chronological in order from oldest at the top to most recent at the bottom

For the past few years I’ve added colors to my hair, they wash out over time and someone thought my hair was brown… It was actually sections of faded blue 🤣

I’ve always wanted to be wild like other people but I’d been told that I wasn’t allowed to cut or dye my hair

Being forced into the sweet, innocent and romantic role… Which is only a fraction of who I am

I’m almost 40 and I don’t think give a shit about the damages to my face, it’s part of my health problems and will always flare up… There is nothing I can do about it so others can get used to it and see past it or they can fuck off

I’m almost 40 and my true character is finally Allowed to be free and I won’t settle for less than I give, thus deserve… You can see my personality in my pictures

In my body language and expressions, by what I’m choosing to capture and share… Pictures speak so much if you are willing to learn the language

The colors are like markings on toxic frogs, with me it changes the romantic aspects and forces others to look closer

I’m almost 40 and I love that I don’t look or act my age… Some days I feel 60+ 🤣

I love that I’m finally showing who I am and making it obvious for others to see

And I love that doing this is a giant “fuck you” snub at the forced social rules of etiquette that do more harm than good

Free thoughts

For a better communication

FlossDoesLife

Often Erotic Musings from a queer, kinky and definitely dirty girl

An Accident In Space And Time

Just your average, friendly Vulcan

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