summer healing


so i have been battling an autoimmune disorder for nearly 25 years and i will be 37 this october… so my health has been something of a mess for FAR too long

one of the best ways to see how i am suffering is to look at my face

part of the reason i tend to look so young is because i have something similar to acne and have had this problem since i was 10!

it seems that i am allergic to myself and have random allergy breakouts that get worse depending on a number of factors

since moving out of that pretty shit hole i was in for 3 years.. my skin is healing

i moved out fully in july, so far i have only had one bad week of skin where i needed some make up to dampen down the look of my skin

because i get cysts in some of my pores, i literally have to perform surgery on my face to get the crap out or it will hurt worse and force me to go to the hospital to get them to do it under pain meds… the cysts tend to reach down and put pressure on nerves making it excruciating the bigger they get

but taking care of my skin constantly makes he have sores that run the risk of getting infected and leaving angry red spots or scars… it is a real bitch and can be a nightmare to hear or see people freak out if i am not wearing makeup

being out of the bad house with the mold has really helped my health

on top of that i started to use a mixture of coconut oil and red palm oil, rubbing it into my skin and sleeping with it on over night

i have no allergies to either but if you try it be warned of possible allergies and staining of towels or sheets haha

first time i tried i worried if the orange tint would wash off my face.. did not want to go around with people thinking i wanted to look like trump.. ick ick lol

but it comes off easily and heals the skin, making it softer, cutting down infection and bacteria that builds up on and in the skin… also helps to slowly make scars go away πŸ˜€

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so this is me today, no makeup and this is the end of a week were it has been the worst my skin has looked in a about a month and a half πŸ˜€

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this is me the other day with makeup

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haha no eyebrows but who cares

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i love that i am healing… finally

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also love that i am starting to slim down, i’ve lost 7 kilos, roughly 15 lbs… im at 85 kilo or roughly 187lbs

haha no i dont plan on trying to get stick skinny, my bones and muscle tone would never support that but i would like to get closer to 56kilo or roughly 125 lbs where i was about 10 years ago

i love this picture as it clearly shows more of my lines are coming back as i slim down

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less weight means easier to move, easier to find clothing that fits in this weird fashion world of france and elf like bodies… i’m more of a dwarf haha but no beard πŸ˜‰

i want to be stronger and more healthy

 

 

unexpected house guest


so i was outside the other day and the dog i am watching was at my side in the garden

he is an american staff, lovely old thing but a bit dopey and easily excited by things that move

i happened to look down and saw a pretty little butterfly just sort of chilling

i scooped it up before the dog had time to notice or lick it to death in one friendly, well meaning but badly thought out action…

and the butterfly would not let go of me

seems i am safe and nice and all that good stuff

so i took a few pictures and loved the colors of the underside of the wings

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if you look at the pattern just right it looks sort of like an native american in a feather headdress

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for some reason the only time the butterfly moved off my hand was to sit on my breasts

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i guess even the bugs like my tracts of land haha

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eventually i got the butterfly off and safely onto something outside but it seemed cold and gave off this miserable vibe

so eventually, as the sun set and it was still in the same place i left it, i scooped it up again and took it into my room which was warmer

it seemed to liven up and was much more happy

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opening and closing its wings

it stayed the night and seemed well rested, i was a bit worried about the damage to it’s wing but once i opened the window it flew off my hand and went into the trees

 

4 years & a #ScavengerHunt


seems i have been on wordpress for a long 4 years

it has been an adventure

finding someone to believe in me enough to tell me to get my ass on here and write, post pictures and share who i am… thank you Molly

helping to learn who i am, who i was repressing for the desires of others… and divorcing myself from those who tried to control and hold me back

4 years of tears, laughter, random thoughts, venting at the world, sharing my curves and how i see the world

so much i wanted to do with blog but never did and yet i am still here, still posting.. though more pictures than words these last few years.. again, thanks to Molly and her sinful sundays

but others too! the friends i have made at events in london or on twitter and through facebook or friends of friends… the lovelies who leave comments… far too many to name

i still wish i had a muse to bring back the passion that is sleeping inside of me but i know this will come more easily the closer i get to my goal of being in a safe, happy ME zone… and i am getting there… so damn slowly but it is happening!

so thank you… all of you

and to my special Curvaceous Dee for inspiring me to join the scavenger hunt, sharing who i am in a fun, exciting and courageous way… which in turn helps me to help others love their body simply because it is theirs to love

so here is a pic of me today

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i was out with the girls and decided, what the hell, take a pic… get them hooked on the fun and silliness πŸ˜€

here are some other pics of my day, out and about..

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since my boys decided they wanted to stay home and play video games, they missed out on seeing the old abandoned pottery building

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we couldn’t go in but was a good walk around and i took so many pictures

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it was a good day out, being silly with others who “get me”

many hugs

 

 

 

 

dark humor “sacrificial lamb” cake


i was out and about last week

doing the shopping before my boys would spend the weekend with me

all the stores were packed with easter candy

the standard chocolate bunnies and eggs

even the rare chocolate dinosaur!!

but what really got me was the cake i found

it was shaped like a lamb

i nearly lost it at the store

i was repressing so much laughter

knowing the others around me would not understand my humor

i had to have one!

there must be a sacrifice!! hehe

i really wanted to have a barbie doll with a toy knife but well no such luck and wasnt buying one… thought about mr potato head… hehe

also saw a toy boat in my boys room

thought of laying down a protective cover and adding a lil bit of alcohol on the lamb cake

set that on fire and fake a viking pyre haha

my 14 year old was laughing hard at all my ideas

he loves my dark humor

so none of the outlandish stuff…

K.I.S.S. .. as in Keep It Shit Simple or Keep It Simple Stupid

so i sliced into the neck of the cake enough to make a gap

added some strawberries

took some of the strawberry sauce with fig and violet jam to thicken it up to look like blood

and drizzled into the cut for it to pour down

worked great

loved taking the pics and it was very tasty

so i hope you enjoy my dark humor as much as i do

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candy anyone? #SinfulSunday


happy sinful sunday!

click on the lips to see who else is participating in the “it’s all about the picture” fun

share, comment, love us πŸ˜€

Sinful Sunday
so it is easter sunday
i am spiritual instead of religious but i am always big into any excuse to buy candy and tasty things
so i bought lollipops
care for a lick?
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and i bought the larger kinder eggs
what is a pagan holiday without signs of fertility and chocolate!
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sadly you state side folks cant get these cause of choking hazards
the toys inside are fun lol
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and i have dinner in the oven
bought a duck bundle, it is stuffed with farce (minced meat with herbs) and topped with an orange slice
i added hamburgers to the pan, topped those with dried herbs and in all open spaces i added cubes of peeled apple and orange slices
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will serve with salad
hoping my boys enjoy
gatta bring the magic out when there is a holiday
E.B. Starpointer

erotic author and sex-positive male commentator

An Accident In Space And Time

Just your average, friendly Vulcan

Exposed Loving

Be Love. Bring Love. LOVE.

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