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    May 2021
    M T W T F S S

Thursday to Monday all the pain

Where to start…

I had been really looking forward to this very short trip to London

Picking up my letter confirming I am allowed to drive, along with the card, seeing friends at different parties and helping out at the events

Day to day had been very busy, lots going on and many people trying to grab my attention for a short while

Others for a longer while and with the madness of finding those last minute bobbles to make my costume look ace… yeah that just made things worse

Thursday night I went and stayed with some friends, they often have groups of people over and it’s no big deal if I spend the night

That night we had all had been drinking and I was getting exhausted, they said I could crash in the spare room and since I had nothing planned, I went in and got naked in the bed

The ends of my pants had been very wet from stepping in puddles and there was just no way was I going to be sleeping in dirty clothing

One of the guys came in and climbed in with me, no biggy, I have had sex with him before and enjoy his company

This night was a lil different though, he seemed more confident and aggressive

I started off interested but no matter what we did I stayed very dry and it was starting to hurt so I told him we needed to stop

And I kept telling him with words and action to stop

Pushing him away with arms or at points with my legs but a lot of it just seemed to turn him on and at one point I raised my arm so that when he would try to get in close to me, his neck pressed on my arm

I was purely in defensive mode

At one point he left and I thought it was done but then he came back and it started again

I had had enough and I needed to sleep so I got out of bed and started getting dressed

He tried to stop me a few times to try and understand what was wrong but at that point I had no words

I was angry and fighting off a panic attack, I had to keep my head clear and that was growing harder by the minute

I just had to get away, I had to get out into the cold air and calm down

Nearly fully dressed

He tried some more to stop me and I stood there, counting…

One! Finger up and me angry

Two! Second finger up

He wouldn’t give me my last shoe

I waited and instead of counting to three, I looked him hard in the eye, confirmed that I wouldn’t get my shoe back that way and went for my bag

In it I had a kink made thin pain stick, it stings and can leave a mark if used correctly but is not made to be used for fighting

But I had it in my bag

I had it with me

He wouldn’t give me my shoe

I needed control and I was going to have it

So I pulled the pain stick out and as I stood up fully with my arm outstretched behind me from the action of pulling it from my bag… it made this satisfying sound through the air

The sound was like a confirmation that I was not going to be a victim

I was serious

If he didn’t give me the shoe…

If he didn’t allow me to leave…

I was going to switch from defensive to offensive

He gave me the shoe, I shouldered my bag and left

All without making a huge fuss

Yes this was my friend’s home but this was my battle and I was not going to take the time to cause and more drama than what was going on

All I could think of was… fuck, this is now the 4th time someone has tried to rape me, I will not fucking let it happen, I need to get out now

Anything else didn’t matter to me at that point

Left the building, called a friend, he came and picked me up

Hardly got any sleep

Friday afternoon rolls around and I have to help set up the venue for the xmass party that friends of mine were hosting

This party was of the kink variety and had some interesting people show up, a lot a knew… as well as many I did not

The group had a few setbacks, some cancelations and other things to trip over

I got put in charge of making up the xmass grotto, the area that would be used as a photo booth during the event

Once I had a basic understanding of what needed to be done and which supplies to use… I gathered up the guys I needed and put them to work

Decorating the xmass tree was the easiest and I had done that before being in charge of the grotto, it had to be moved from the main room to the grotto and I wasn’t gonna handle that

So… one guy does this and the other does that, you are going to sweep and don’t forget to hold this while I cut that

Orders flowing and getting attention focused on my needs and wants… ah one of the few times people ever see me in a sort of Domme mode, as what I was doing was very akin to when I am at home and having my children help out around the house

Once everything was set up, I moved on into the main room to see what else I could do, I am not the type to sit still and let people stress

I know that with the event running a lil behind schedule that we had to hurry and think outside the box… it worked and everything was lovely

Taking claim to the grotto, I changed in there and had the lovely photographer help me with my laces, he did very well considering he is new to corsetry

The night was good, very long and amazingly tame

At the end I stayed to help break down the event, put items away and headed to the hostel for a good long nap

Later Saturday afternoon I met up with a friend and we headed over with our bags to the hotel, the plan had been to get dressed there, have a good night at the erotic art party and then go back to the hotel for some fun

Yeah… that HAD BEEN the plan

The party was great fun, a lot less people than expected but overall the night had been wonderful

I had a few to drink and when I saw a friend get more and more upset it was no surprise I ran out of the venue after her to try and talk her into coming back for a cab or to walk her to a mutual friends house

That didn’t happen though as midway through the walk a police officer stops me, supposedly tells me I should cover up (due to my outfit), gets in my way and gives enough time for the friend I had been with to walk off into the crowd

I don’t remember a lot of what was said

I did see the CCTV account of most of it that wasn’t blocked out by blind angles

There is no sound so you cannot hear what either of us were saying but after a good couple of seconds of talking in the blind spot, we enter an opening and it is clear that I am upset

I cannot find my friend, I am angry, panicking and vented my frustration on the only target I had… to my drunk mind I was being stopped by some random male with a very dominant and aggressive behavior … he may have meant to be helpful but in the state I was in, he was being an obstacle and I lost my control

I bitched at him as he had started to walk off, he turns and I hit his hard in the chest with my fist, to which he tosses me to the ground and I struggled to free myself

I remember flashes of it, I know what I did based off of seeing the video but I don’t remember a lot of it.

Not only was I drunk but I was in panic mode, lapsing back into PTSD over not being able to take care of someone I cared about, worried and horrified that something might happen to her due to her state and lapsing back to the panic I had to stem off from a few nights earlier

So yes I was drunk but I was also in full on panic attack and those combined are a strong thing

Later I was taken to the police station, took ages to get anyone to really listen about me getting phone calls, notifying people of where I was and making sure my pain was managed

I ended up with huge bruises on my hands, wrists, spots of bruising on my arms, knees and legs as well as severe back pain

My back had already started hurting worse than usual on Thursday and the wrestling with the cop didn’t help either

The accommodations, while typical for their needs… it was horrible for mine

All I could do to pass the hours was sleep or pace and that made my back worse as well as pinching the sciatic nerve more

When the first put me in the cell, I was put on watch due to IN THE PAST being suicidal and it was nice having someone there… I don’t do well in isolation

So I took the mat that posed for a bed and I laid it at the entrance to the door and sat with them, chatting

The more sober I became and the more relaxed they were, the more we got to talking about normal stuff

They both seemed like really cool guys that just happened to have bad timing

I think they started to see as well that I was not some kind of deviant freak that would enjoy hurting them more or being difficult

I made the experience pleasant and I think that really surprised a lot of people

Normally I try very hard not to ever hurt people, nearly bending over backwards to help and heal others

For me to lash out like this just goes to prove how far gone I had been, how deep I had been into protector mode and a sort of mom role… like a lioness

I had nothing personal against these cops, it wasn’t as if I hated others in authority or that I had some weird hang-ups over officers

It was simply a case of… I was purely focused on protecting someone, nothing else mattered

Anyway I did make personal apologies to the gentleman I hit, I wrote some down as well as the verbal ones I said and later the ones recorded on tape for future evidence

Over all the staff was very friendly, really likeable but way over booked and that made things very slow

The lawyer appointed to me was a sweetheart, you could tell he was used to dealing with the more stupid side of people that get arrested… yes I behaved stupidly but I was very much able to understand him and what was going on… even if the words were a lil big

When I was finally let out, I took a shower, had photos taken of the massive amounts of bruising and had dinner with two lovely friends

Both took good care of me, I was very out of it, very submissive, very much in shut down mode

The pain is still very intense now and I shouldn’t be typing but I have to get this out of my head

When I go back to France I am scheduled to see my GP and get a prescription for some x-rays on my hands/wrists and back

One of my friends stayed the night in another room and made sure I was really ok the next morning and through most of the afternoon

Just having him there really helped, he is my gent, really lovely guy

Had some amazing help from so many friends through all of this, I don’t know how to thank everyone enough

I have decided though, as this is the second time this one friend has been a drunken fool… I don’t think it is safe for my health to have her in my life, she doesn’t want me and refuses to admit she needs help from anyone

In the past I have cut ties from people I care about due to their use of drugs and or alcohol, it hurt me deeply but I had to set a limit

With this friend it was a shorter limit but the effect bit me very hard

I hope she sobers up, gets the help she needs and grows from it but right now, I am done










dress up idea for xmass party #EroticMeet

PLEASE NOTE: This is MY blog, these are my nipples and on this site you get to see them… BUT and please pay attention! At Erotic Meet events there is NO NUDITY WHATSOEVER

That being said, should you be going to an Erotic Meet event, dress up, dress for fun but keep your bits COVERED

lots of love xx


This Saturday is the xmass party for my favorite group of erotic artist and I am very excited!!

Here are the details if you find yourself in London Saturday December the 8th


Just please remember that this is not a kink event

This a group of really amazing people who enjoy the erotic side to the arts, such as burlesque, cabaret, poetry, photography and so many other forms of art

This is NOT a Play Party; there will be no sex unless you end up finding someone of interest or bringing someone and later on making your own arrangements after the party

Ok now that the warnings are out of the way….


I can’t wait to see so many of my friends, especially the ones living in other areas of Europe and the friends that live in the UK but can’t always make it to London

I really am excited to see all the performers like Rubyyy Jones (always an experience!), Lily Snatch Dragon (don’t know this one but really looking forward to the show), S P Howarth (lovely man!) and oooooo I can’t wait for the photo booth with Holly Revell… so many more amazing people but you have the link and can GO SEE FOR YOURSELF *grin*

I just noticed that Mario from Someone Once Told me ( http://www.someoneoncetoldme.com/ ) will be there, very fun guy, I adore his site and really wanna see if I can think of something worth putting on paper for him

Now for the dress up part!!

I went to Camden during my last trip and found this LOVELY goth, lace feather thing that I knew would work well with my underbust corset!

I have a skirt I can wear but not sure if I will or not, might just go for good stockings and colorful panties

In the mean time I decided yesterday to do a quick photoshoot in my outfit to see how things fit and what to take with me… need to buy heels, ones I have just don’t work

So, tell me what you think 🙂


twisted words about #boylexe

I tell you a tale of old cock and new…

One where men are men and men are women too…


Dancing through the crowd and across the stage

Tossing condoms at those that seem sinful or maybe just those who are wishful…

For those in the audience…

The ones that behave


The music pumping and inspiring that ass to bend, strut and pose

What I wouldn’t give for my crop on that butt, so nicely exposed


I have to admit I wasn’t sure what to expect

Though in the end I was thankful for going

A chance to see such artistic thought on the stage or strutting around me


Remembering stories of Gypsie Rose Lee and her words being shown along with her body

An act which shows me all of a man…

Which is able to let me explore his mind…

As well as what he can cover with his hands


I was invigorated by the site before me

Stimulated more by the spoken

Entertained with the art

Enchanted by the Drag Queens

Enamored by the manly men

Let’s not forget the geeks please 😉


If you have the chance to see burlesque I suggest that you do

Though if you find yourself in Soho

Pass by the Shadow Lounge

Check out the dates and times for Boylexe

It’s something you’ll never forget

Let’s talk about #Boylexe

Note: this was written the night after seeing Boylexe at the Shadow Lounge in Soho London, I was sitting in the pub called Waxy O’Connor, a pint to my left and many people around me as I waited for a friend to come meet me for many more drinks and a night of flirting.. But that is another tale…


Last night I was very excited for a number of reasons

Having passed my driving test was a huge fresh of breath of air across my soul

I felt free!

Having a great need to celebrate and be among the madness of the world…

I went to Soho to see Boylexe

Now I have never heard of this before but the fabulous Annie Player, founder of Erotic Meet ( eroticmeet.net , @Eroticmeet on twitter as well as #EroticMeet and #EM ) told me of the tickets and when Annie tells me of an event that might be of interest to me…

I pay attention!

Walking through Soho is always an adventure, I feel safe there but anything can happen and most of the people get me laughing…

Not to forget the naughty people trying to pick me up…

Rarely does it work but the attempt is always a riot and the best is when they try to seduce me in French…

I love the life and the passion of those who live, work or visit and I wish that I was one of the people who work there, just to keep smiling

Finding the Shadow Lounge was relatively easy considering I had only seen the location once before and from a different angle but people working the doors at different venues are very kind if you flash them a warm and genuine smile

Arriving inside before the rain became more than a drizzle

Greeting the very handsome man working the ticket booth, having a laugh with him and the adorable young woman running between him and the clients in the audience seated in the lower levels of the building

Walking down the many steps and grabbing a beer, priorities you know, before heading back up to check in my umbrella, cane and cloak

Drink really does come first

One reason being that it gives me a chance to scope out the place, see who I know and where I will want to position myself for best viewing of the show

Going back down to mingle and stumbling across the both of the exceptional Rubyyy Jones and her entourage of other wild and talented friends…

Seeing Rubyyy is always an experience

If you have ever met her, you will never forget her and for those who have not seen her perform…. I can honestly say that you should!

A night to be remembered each time!

Once the show started and the audience quieted down, I was pleased to see many layers of humor and thought put into each act

I admit it would be easy to want to perv over the manly men or lust after the effeminate and colorful Drag Queens, such as Mr Mistress…

Ah how I found it hard to take my eyes off of that lovely one, reminding me so much of Hedwig and the angry inch… a good film if you enjoy Drag Queens

It would have been very easy to scream with desire as the clothing comes off, yelling out for more… but this was not a strip show, this was not a base level of entertainment

For me this was much more like what I call to mind from reading the book about the life of Gypsie Rose Lee, learning how she was not just a stripper or just a burlesque dancer… more that she was an artist, a sultry provocative and talent woman that used words as much as she exposed her flesh

I enjoyed being called onto the stage to help spin the wheel for the other woman who had been called up to strip the stripper in record time… similar to spin the bottle but no kisses or happy endings 😉

I was actually glad I had not been picked to strip him, having already fluffed and help another male stripper while at Night of the Senses…

I felt it only fair a normal gal got the spot light 🙂

It was wonderful being able to chat with a few of the men when they were off stage

I see them as people and performers, for me it is hard to seriously relax and drool or perv over them like the rest of the folks in the crowd

I think that’s one reason some of them found it easier to chat with me, I saw them for who they are and not the good looking hunk of flesh that seem to be the focus for others attention

I really did enjoy the effort put into the show, the costumes, the dialog and the choreography

When you stop to think about it, anyone can take their clothing off for money but only an artist can do it properly

A big thank you to all that worked hard Wednesday night, I made sure I said so in person to all I could find but I wanted to say again… it was a wonderful night  




My drawings from Private Pictures Blog

Link to the blog about the following pictures


munchums n crunchums


my lil space with the goodies i horded, will have to get that wine again, i really enjoyed it


even my charcoal had a fanny!!!


my first drawing, attempting at humor, that even stick figure woman have fannies


avoided drawing the body, just fanny, ass and thighs but in the end it looks like people kissing or a peach


first attempt at color, didnt have a lot to choose from but was great fun! wanted to use the mirror to show off what i saw as well as add in what was around me


i tried for more realistic and ended up with a burning bush lol


i just could not get the stick figure people out of my head, so now they have ginger bush too


cause everyone should love some fanny


a bit of artistic license at the end, if you look right a fanny/pussy can look like a flower


all that i made, seems i forgot to take a single pic of the purple and blue fanny, not that my crotch is bruised!! again artistic license lol


the art supplies we used

really it was a great day and if you have the chance to join the fun i highly recommend that you do


poetry, shorts, and other stuff

Free thoughts

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Often Erotic Musings from a queer, kinky and definitely dirty girl

An Accident In Space And Time

Just your average, friendly Vulcan

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