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#WankWednesday still a thing?


Took more pictures last night before taking off the make-up

I felt pretty

Which isn’t something I’ve been feeling for a while

It’s hard to feel attractive when you can’t shower properly

The boiler for the heat and hot water is still on the fritz, with the lockdown, the replacement piece needed is on hold and when turned on, the water leaks onto the electrical box

Which is a right royal bitch

I have been suffering like this since December, the new machine should have changed things but my landlords are cheap bastards and put in a “new” unit that is 6 years old, wasn’t fully empty of water and damn near every important piece had to be replaced…

It’s hard to feel attractive when the stress and piss poor diet aggravate my body and make my skin look like shit

Which I don’t bother hiding at home and can’t hide with makeup when I go out to get supplies… Walking means sweating and that makes the makeup look weird as the foundation changes

Even wearing makeup can’t hide the scar damage from last year and all the trauma that happened to cause cyst flare ups

But last night I could use soft filters and makeup to hide the damage

To hide the feeling of self consciousness and self loathing

To hide the trauma that has made me bitter, jaded against society and the loneliness that cripples me daily… yearly

I could show the softer Me

The gentle Me

The lover I can be

I miss showing that side of me

I miss being silly with others and being loved for it

No hating on the silly, we can’t be serious all the time

And the asswipes and stay the fuck away!

I hate constantly needing to bitch and rant at the stoopids, the pre rape like or stalker personalities of men around me, the fake women who are users instead of friends, the injustices in the world as well as my specific groundhog day purgatory that has nothing to do with the lockdown

My world is so small and ever shrinking

My only escape is the internet

I miss being me…

Testing ideas #tittytuesday


The first Sunday of the month holds a theme, each time is something different and I’m trying to get back into posting again

The theme for the 1st of May, hosted on Sinful Sunday by Molly’s daily kiss… Is “unedited”

While the below picture has been edited, I had fun playing around with the mosquito netting over my bed and I also played around with the lighting and poses

Seeing what I’m in the mood for right now and giving myself time to make a collection for Sunday… Instead of waiting for the last minute

But I liked this one

And it is titty Tuesday

So why not share

He asked for a scarf #sinfulsunday


Sundays are all about the image and this time I was inspired

See what everyone else is up to this Sinful Sunday

Click on the lips and remember to like, comment and share

Sinful Sunday

I’ve been wanting to participate for the last few Sundays but haven’t felt like my sensual self

So many hardships in general, globally but many personal ones leaving me a C-PTSD mess

Tonight I asked Twitter for an idea and one lovely gent stepped up with an idea

He asked for a scarf and here we are

While searching for a scarf, I found a few old corsets

Meaning a much smaller size than I’ve been wearing and it turns out I can now fit in them!

A good news, double bad news sort of thing

Good that I’m reaching my goals

Bad that I’ll have to sell my favorite corsets

Double bad because I’m not sharing corset pics tonight as I need more room for better pictures

Hope your Sunday is sinful

Please be safe

#covid19 my thoughts


I’m extremely disappointed in society
By many I’m reading on my friends list here or those in groups or on Twitter
But especially those in the states

The best example for what’s going on right now is New Year eve celebrations

In California you can watch the various time zones celebrating as time shifts

But new years doesn’t mean anything till the celebration has hit your home town

The same is happening with the virus

Many see what happened in other locations, other time zones and many are not taking it seriously until they ACTUALLY feel the impact on their community

Because of how society has been set up, many couldn’t afford to self isolate before being forced to do so by the government…
It’s wrong but I get it

What worries me are those still thinking it’s a hoax

And folks who are being selfish while putting themselves and others at risk

Like the guy in the UK wanting to go for a run in the park with his newborn

Or the number of people I’m seeing who say they want to get infected to just get it over with or how the military should be infected so it can be gotten over with… I’ve seen both from multiple people around the world

It’s horribly selfish because it lowers the value of your own life, there is no guarantee how you will react to the virus and risk dying alone and leaving those who care about you suffering much like suicide

It puts those who are already suffering at risk because medication and machines have to be diverted and it puts health services at risk of not only being closer to catching and potentially dying from a higher viral load but worse to survive with c-ptsd and survivors guilt and rage they have no outlet for

So many have and will die, alone
Human as well as animals in vet clinics

Many are raging…which is valid

But far too many are putting on rose tinted glasses and trying to let others do their thing, to ignore those who are being willfully ignorant about this and believing it a hoax…

Not realizing they to are being just as willfully ignorant and allowing it to continue and perpetuating what we are going through and have gone through over the decades by chosing the lesser evil

Many are saying to write your anger, get it all out and then burn it… Which is wonderful advice for more normal times, more normal feelings and pains

We are in Anne Frank times

We need to document our fears, our pains, our struggles… So that our future selves have the material to learn from and hopefully avoid making the same mistakes or perpetuating these mistakes or making worse choices

We need for it all to change, for the better…

Globally, not just in the states and those focusing only on the states are part of the problem

While I fully support the Black Lives movement, which predominantly focuses on folks in the states (WITH JUSTIFICATION!) but is not limited to

This genuinely is a time when we need to all join together, globally, scream at all the governments that ALL lives matter…
Be they human, animal or mineral
(Yes this is something I have been saying since I was little even though I’m white)

Around the wide world we have chosen to pick our battles, they are all valid but they are all sub categories of a larger picture

We need to get to the root of the problem and unit to fix it…

FOR ALL

This is our moment in history to do so

We are being forced to do so

But will we?

Will we pay attention to the racism that is putting POC communities at greater risk of infection because they have lower access to proper care and supplies?

As well as the poor and handicapped in all communities…

Will we pay attention to the racism that is causing people to die from violence associated with fear?

Will we pay attention to domestic violence?

Be it couples such as the murder suicide in front of their children or the adult children murdering their parents…

Will we pay attention to the fact that many don’t have fancy degrees and yet are still capable of thinking, feeling and able to rationalize or will we keep picking these people apart or putting others down for having important things to say because they post nudes?

Will we stop caring about labels for any subject and focus on the truth…

You are either for life and a better future FOR ALL or you are against it…

Will we stop condemning others to make ourselves feel more important?

Will we stop shielding others from the truth, to keep them innocent…yet berate them later for not getting the information they needed to make wise choices…

Will we CHOOSE to be better, behave better, do better for the sake of a better world for all?

Or will we try to go back to what we’ve “always” known and once again turn a blind eye to the global problem?

Will we clean out this festering wound, potentially amputating the problems and cauterizing the wound…

Or will we wash it up, slap a new bandaid on it and ignore what is killing us…

I’m making this public (on Facebook Shalla Radiolady) so maybe it will reach the people who are out there, like me, desperately crying out for a better world…

FOR ALL…

To try to wake up folks and get them to think beyond the gut reaction and fear and hate

To reach the people who can’t form the words to explain what they feel yet can relate to what I’m saying

(armedwithcoffee)

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