who i am for 2016h

now this may piss some people off or hurt feelings.. might even make a few cry… you have been warned…
last year i made it the year of “no fucks given” and for the most part i kept to that rule
i was a lot more happy than i have been in a while
but i still let too many control, manipulate or use me
not always a bad thing but very much not what i want for this new year
so i am changing a few things in my life
moving forward and being proud of my past because it has sharpened the steel that is who i am…
in 2016 i will be getting a tattoo, something small, that represents who i am, where i have been, the eternal love i have for my 3 boys and for the 3 i lost… also including “ ; “ to say my story is not over
i have an idea of the shape, the designs, the colors but my tattoo is not fully finished to the level i feel ready to take to an artist
small steps but one of my goals
continuing with the idea of “no fucks given”
i will do my best to let shit roll off me like water on a duck, to not let those use, abuse or manipulate me
i am going to adopt the policy that if you want to put your nose in my life and expect me to listen, accept and follow your ideas… then you can pay (in one manner or another) for that privileged
friendly counsel is one thing but far too often people want me to change who i am for who they think i am… that they know best without really knowing who i am or my situation
i also need to stand up for myself and unfriend/block those who are simply too much for me to enjoy, i speak to many people and i love to make friends or help those in need
but i am paid to foster fantasies in their heads or help get them off just because i can easily talk about sex… talking about does not mean i am actually excited and want to play
it means i am capable of having a conversation about nearly any topic.. there is a difference
this year i am going to say “no” more often.. flat out.. end of story.
there are too many people who take “no” from a woman badly.. suddenly we are frigged bitches or teases…
i am allowed to say no.. i don’t want to do something, see someone, say something and i don’t need an excuse to why i am saying no
my life, my wants, my desires
that is not being selfish… that is making myself an equal to everyone else around me
we all have this right to say “no” and not be labeled or name called
last but not least
the divorce is official, as of a few years ago but not in my eyes as far as the kids and finances are concerned.. just the legal “you and him are not a couple”
so i am single (though on facebook i posted in a relationship “with myself”)
but i have left my relationship status as “it’s complicated” because it is…
i don’t want a relationship.. too much drama and too many restrictions
i want exactly what i want in a person..male or female.. though most likely male
i honestly don’t know if i will ever find all the things i want and need in a significant other… i may need to be part of a poly group but that would be even more difficult to find
i really don’t know if all the things i want and need really exist in one person
i know i can bend and become almost everything someone needs but no matter how good it feels, i do it for them… not me
so this will stop
i need to take care of myself, my life, my kids… lol and my cats 😀
so no more complications
i am single
i will stay single until 2025 when all my boys are 18 or older and i can be free to do what i want, go where i want and not worry if a significant other is not a kid person or if they feel the need to try and be replacement dad… my kids don’t need that
mentors, friends sure but that’s different
so this is my plan for the new year
simple enough but still very hard to do
i will do my best to be good to myself
so.. like i said, if you want to have an important role in my life as grand vazir, telling me what to do and what to think… please be ready to pay..
money, gifts (ones that will actually make me happy), nights out etc… pay for the privileged
i give away my kindness and love to damn near anyone who needs it.. i’ll be damned if someone thinks i will take their bs or tries to change me for free
and if someone does accept this deal… you are only paying for me to listen.. hahah not act
i hope you all take stock of your own lives
add in more love and cut out more crap
hugs and kisses

13 Responses

  1. Bonne année et surtout bonne santé la miss.
    Continue à tenir ton blog ! J’adore.

    Au plaisir de te payer un verre en 2016 sur Poitiers et donc de connaitre qui tu es cette année.


    • je fais un effort
      mais il est difficile
      j’ai besoin de plus de passion, plus d’humour et moins de stress

      bonne année
      je vous souhaite bonheur et de bons moments

  2. Bonne année la miss. Et surtout une bonne santé.
    Fais moi signe quand tu voudras prendre un verre à Poitiers. J’adorerai découvrir who you are really 😇.


  3. You have to do right by you, all others have to wait in line

    • so true… but hard to make happen
      will keep trying as i am too stubborn to do other wise haha

      • I know the feeling well, plus I don’t think a jump suit would flatter me

      • hahahah you are too funny

  4. right on! i loved reading this! people have no right, in my opinion, to be angry at you for posting this at all. we all have that right to construct ourselves, re-construct ourselves, to the degree we need to feel pleasure in this world, within the parameters of course of not harming another. using someone for one’s own interests, manipulation, deception, and control are certainly worthy of resistance. all my hope is with you on this. peace and love, daniel

    • well i know TinMan could take offense to it as we have been together in one way or another for 3 years

      he is a bit more sensitive than i am good at coping with… which is why i need to stop trying to tailor my words or images for others

      my ex husband was bad about that.. some of my earliest posts while i was still with him are far too cheerful than the truth of the moment

      too often i have changed what i want to say so as to avoid hurting or angering someone

      i need to be me

      hugs to you hun

      • hugs right back my good friend

  5. I sincerely hope your wishes come true. I wish that you hold your ground, say “no” when you want to say it. It’s your right and obligation to yourself and the ones you love you. I wish that you will be truly happy and if bitterness and anger comes your way it will bounce right back to the one you was trying to give it to you.

    I wish you a truly happy 2016.


    • you are very sweet.. thank you

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