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  • duh its a calendar

    November 2015
    M T W T F S S

pain level 0 to 10 or 11 to 20

So, I’m up late writing my symptoms list for 2015

hard as always to face this crap

but getting it done…

few triggers tonight

almost done translating it for the doctor

since taking the coconut oil (April 2013) and adding other things slowly since then..

I have been getting better (autoimmune disorder)

which means I would like to reevaluate the pain scale of 0 to 10

I would like to say that the average person is a 0 to 10

but those of us with high pain tolerance and / or chronic sufferance are more 11 to 20

so I used to be (since 1990/91) a constant 18/19 on average days and more of a 16/17 on really good days

but as many of you know, doctors and staff always say those numbers don’t exist and I have to limit myself to what “normal” sick people face

I am more of a 15 on average now

still high but better

lower to a 13 on good days

which is great

I am by no means anywhere near what “normal” sick people face and I shouldn’t have to debase myself to the same level as someone who has never and hopefully will never suffer chronic pain

I am still not a 0 to 10 person… maybe one day… but not today, not yesterday

now, feeling better is great but when you feel better more often, the bad days spike all the harder because you are no longer chronically on coping skills for that higher level of pain

when I suddenly find myself on the side of a “bad day(s)” … the pain hits hard

from 13 to 15 all the way up to 19 in seconds

just like a 0 to 10 person suddenly going from 3 to 9

I still don’t remember what it feels like to not be in pain

but I do know I don’t want to be

I know it is not “all in my head”

I KNOW I am not making myself sick or looking for attention

yes, sometimes my mental disabilities do exacerbate some of my physical symptoms

but after 24 out of 36 years… I know the difference and I have learned how to (usually) calm myself in a panic attack and thus end those “bonus” symptoms

the rest of the symptoms are always there

I don’t expect everyone to know what I am talking about or going through

but it helps when people at least try to stop judging and stop forcing what “normal” people go through

on those of us who are different

not everyone fits into a cookie cutter mold

please be kind to those of us who suffer

we all come in different varieties

that is what makes everyone wonderful

please don’t make me or anyone else fit a mold that isn’t us

4 Responses

  1. Pleins de bisous de HongKong.

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