reply to fetlife venting/statement … how “a certain body type is not a fetish”

People upset me

as I am often repeating this, I am sure you are aware of this fact and I know at some point I will feel forced to say it again…

tonight is another .. “oh look what fetlife has to share with me” sort of email situation

and unlike other times this has happened I will not be posting the entire message that has me in a snit

the reason for not posting it all is out of respect to the personal history stated in the “example” parts of the message/venting/rant/opinion?

While some parts are easy for me to agree with, other areas ruffle my feathers and though it may seem I am tailoring this blog to my opinions… ok well I am but I am not doing so to be “right”

my blog, my thoughts.. simple

you can agree, disagree or be neutral .. but that’s on you based off who you are and your experiences..

so here goes….

Loving a certain body type is not a fetish.

Definition of a fetish: a form of sexual desire in which gratification is linked to an abnormal degree to a particular object, item of clothing, part of the body, etc.

Men who like BBW are considered freaks. The hatred I have seen for these men has left me taken aback. They are treated as deviants. As women, we are treated lower than human. Fat shaming is one of the most social acceptable for of abuse.

Fat doesn’t equal evil. Fat doesn’t equal deviance. Fat isn’t a fetish. Fat isn’t abnormal. Fat isn’t an inanimate object. Fat doesn’t make a person good or bad. Fat doesn’t mean lazy. Fat doesn’t equal bad health.

Everyone eats. There is nothing wrong with enjoying eating if you are fat. Everyone needs a certain amount of calories each day.

My point of writing this is…just because a man is attracted to you it doesn’t mean it’s a fetish. I have thought that for a long time. I know there are other’s who think an athletic man or any man for that matter has to have something wrong with him in order to like a plus size woman. It’s not fair to them. It’s not fair to us. You are not a fetish and he doesn’t see you as a fetish. You are not abnormal. He is not abnormal. Don’t take on the warped ideas of modern society. It wasn’t only this way. Instead, undo the propaganda.

He sees a woman. That is all. You are a woman and that’s all that matters.

Ok so here is what I had to reply

the brain is wired to … x… = fetish

for me pony play gets me excited purely from a photography stand point

it does nothing fetish wise for me

some people like feet, others like smoking…

but yes there are people who want to feed/be fed or prefer larger sizes/fat in general…

for them it is a fetish

they are part of a feeder/fat fetish community

i recently met a guy in that community and i have met a lot of people over the years…

i know the intensity a fetish can bring out in someone and how to tell a genuine fetish vs liking something a lot…

fat was very much a fetish for him, to an extent with humiliation play but that was purely a side thing

i have met men with a fetish for shrinking or being shrunk

met two guys who wanted to be eaten (one in europe, other in the states)..

not 100% eaten but damn near

one of the guys wanted me to tie him up, treat him like a pig (literally) with an apple in his mouth and go through the motions of eating him with as much physical contact as possible and have the same meal on the plate so as to make it more real

one guy i know cant cum at all if he doesn’t hear the sound of a woman taking a piss

pyromania is often linked to masturbation/sexual feelings

but those things don’t fit in with the definition of fetish that is listed in this post

my problem with the definitions of “what is” or “is not” … they are written by humans who have yet to become omnipotent .. thus anything that was a certain idea 10, 15, 20 yrs ago may no longer apply now and will certainly change in the future

if you don’t believe me, just look at how music has branched off over the years or if you want to keep it strictly sexual look at alllllll the new fetishes/terms/groups that didn’t exist 20 years ago

how we look at people, how we treat them is often based on what society deems important at any given time..

take deodorant.. people started using it en mass because advertisement started and a shaming campaign was created that you were not part of the in crowd etc if you had (naturally occurring) b.o.

we all have to treat ourselves better and best way to do that is to stop the hate spread by media/marketing… shaming of any one/kind needs to stop

i learned at a young age… people (as a whole) suck, individuals are awesome

i also learned at a very young… there is nothing wrong with me/you for being different than the “norm”, you cant force people to wake up and see you for you… you can only offer your best and move on when they stay in the trap of what society thinks is important/beautiful and refusing to think for themselves

but this is my opinion

take it, leave it, ignore it…

many hugs

14 Responses

  1. Fat admirer /= fat fetishist

    Two different terms with two different meanings.

    A fat admirer is just someone who prefers fat people. That’s it. They do not feitshize fat. They do not admire fat.

    On the other hand, a fat fetishist has a fetish for fat.

    Fat Admirer, the misnomer:

    • my point is that to each person, a fetish is what their brain is wired towards

      what the overall community might label as a fetish may not fit for this person and visa versa

      what had me upset in the fetlife post and caused me to reply is how often people are closed minded saying what is allowed to be vs what each person experiences

      people want nice neat boxes to shove others into but that doesnt work for everyone

      • I didn’t get that. In fact, I don’t even understand your reply. Please state clearer language please.

      • i would suggest you find another blog to follow… i have the feeling you wont understand anything i have to say

      • I have a learning disability. That’s why I asked you to rephrase it. I am a feminist who is trying to understanding an oppressed minority.

      • i have my own disabilities

        my blog is for me, if others gain something from it great but if not that’s ok too

        i see the world differently than most and not everyone understands what i say, why i say it or how i think

        my main point in this entry is that i don’t like how the mass public put labels on things and people but refuse to see how something can be a fetish for one person even if not in the classical definition of fetish seen by everyone else

        the brain is wired like a computer… everyone is pretty much the same on that part but the way each person functions is different and depends on what software that person is using

        i try not to put people in boxes, when you put a label on someone or something, you limit that person or thing and you limit your ability to really see what is in front of you

  2. well yes, everyone is a human being — but your eyes as well as mine, and everyone in general who is not blind, does indeed see descriptively. You do notice, as well as I and everyone else, if two men are sitting together and they are in different generations, you will notice the difference in ages — our minds simply work that way, partly for survival reasons. Even blind people do notice descriptors and make analysis on them. And it has to be that way — for example, you say I am woman, not older or younger — but that is not true, for a younger female may have all the physical attributes of a woman, but her age is very important — people do go to prison for not asking a woman her age if they have consensual sex. So obviously a woman who is older in years and obviously beyond the border-line age does make a difference. We do have adjectives for a reason and even if we pretend like we don’t see them or state them, that does not honestly describe our perceptions in our mind. I don’t treat a woman different because of her body size or age. i was simply stating what type of woman i am more sexually attracted to — just as you have certain men or women you are more naturally attracted to — as does everyone. that is part of being human. I am a human being with multifacets, not just a mental category making machine for self-reflection, just like all of us human beings.

    • there is a difference between using a description and putting a label on someone/something

      a description helps to define between two or more

      a label puts a limit on what someone or something can be, it takes a definition and says “you stop there”… “this is all i can or will see you as”

      often people confuse the two and think they are defining someone but are actually putting a label on them and worse, some people will take it one step further and turn it into a backhanded compliment (intentional or not)

      i find it insulting to be labeled beyond “human” and “woman” .. i don’t want to be seen as attractive for being a woman or attractive for my size or my age or for my hair color or for this or that…

      you say ” And it has to be that way”

      but it doesn’t

      we CHOOSE to be this way
      we CHOOSE to only see people of a certain age, color, body shape…whatever.. we choose to see them and ignore the rest or worse to condemn the rest

      we CHOOSE to judge instead of analyzing and learning/seeing the truth of who someone is

      and we CHOOSE to jump at the chance to give those judgment to others and half the time we honestly think those judgments are compliments

      if i go out… I SEE PEOPLE
      yes i will be more sexually stimulated to the guy/gal in military uniform than the same person dressed as homeless or saggy jeans or completely nude for that matter

      i have my preferences due to my life experiences and how my brain is wired

      but i choose to be “awake” and see people and learn who they are and i try hard to not make/pass judgments

      I know some beautiful muscular men who only get seen for their body… I ignore that and see who it is looking out through their eyes

      I know some people who are damn near completely handicap and I see them for who they are

      I walk through a store or drive down a street and I tip my head in acknowledgment to others I pass, I see them instead of rushing past.. and I have lit up some of the most miserable looking faces simply for making eye contact, flashing a genuine smile and saying a simple greeting

      last night I saw a young man on a bike, I could barely see him because of the hour and his lack of reflective gear.. I could have gone past and done nothing, said nothing… but I saw him, I saw his value and I saw how others around me would ignore him and possibly hit him or force him off the road…

      so I stopped a safe distance ahead, put on my warnings and walked out to wait for him and I dangled one of my many security vests that are mandatory in France.. he stopped, I gave it to him, we had a quick laugh and I left… I could have flirted or made comments but no, I just wanted him safe

      I didn’t want a reward or to be told I was pretty or whatever… I just wanted to make sure one human was seen by others

      too many people live life with their eyes open but seeing nothing

      if someone wants to label me… say that I am “evolved”

      I try, I put words to action

      I am me, I am not my body, I am not who society says I should be

      I am me

      see me or don’t

      • Yes, i agree with most of what you say; however, anthropological linguistics, as well as psycholinguistics, have repeatedly shown that the labeling theory claim you stated above is very contextual as well as culturally specific and dependent upon which label is under discussion. When I was a student, called a student, it did not mean i would always be a student; when i was homeless, it did not mean i would always remain homeless; healthy is a label too, it does not mean i will always be healthy; in Shinto religion, the spirit inside a person is inside for a short time — until that person dies — and then the spirit inside changes form to help out in a different realm of the natural world: the human being is still a label to them, but its connotation is nothing like in the west as they view it as a transitional label. Buddhism is very similar in terms of gender — many buddhist stories contain the narrator’s change of sexual genes in previous lives. Again — that is labeling but in a community where the labeling does not in fact represent something that the person does not escape. When i said it has to be, i was referring to our inherent abilities in mind and through language to distinguish what we see for very real, legitimate reasons: for example, color blindness is seen in an extremely small number of people in hunting and gathering societies compared to more technological peoples — why? simple, because those who cannot see color grab the wrong snake, get bit, die, their genes never being passed on. There are evolutionary reasons why we need to use adjectives — if we did not, how many potential rapes could be permitted if the only thing a victim could tell the police was that, “it was a man — nothing else?” or jobs — women in Albuqurque, NM who get an escort to their cars from a security officer I know complained about his companion, who filled in on nights he didn’t work. Why? because he may have been a man like my friend, but he was very elderly, in bad physical condition, and very small in stature — yet he had to escort them through a very bad part of Albuquerque. They did not feel safe. And that is really my point.

  3. i love this post..so awesome 🙂

  4. Bigger Women are HOT!

    “…it was night, it was in their paved parking lot, three rows deep, in her gas saving compact car, radio on, but no motor, outside Chuckie’s Saloon & Billiards, her mouth- and mine- in mutual dialogue …”but I don’t understand,” she mouths, “I’m not a size three; you say you like me, but why?” …. you possess an intelligent mind I say, our personalities and characters seem sometimes like metals and magnets, i say, those pretty eyes, i say, and face … and above all ….”what??” she asks …. well, i say … it’s those boobs, they’re HUGE! sometimes when speaking with me I’m not even hearing, imagining ‘stead your big melons slapping me in the face until the seed of my lust grows in pressure, bursting all over ….”uh!!!” she says, shocked but smiles, “into your hand??” she says, “by your own hand?” she asks … oh no! i say, i haven’t done that yet thinking of you ….”well,”she says, “it is good for the human body,” unbuttoning her blouse, telling me to pull myself out, then slapping my hands away, grabbing my hips, pulling my cock, large & hard into her mouth, as her big boobs, erect, darkened nipples popped out …”

    • beautiful words… but please.. i am a woman.. i am not bigger or smaller or taller or shorter or younger or older.. i am a woman

  5. You go girl…

    • thank you sweetling

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E.B. Starpointer

erotic author and sex-positive male commentator

An Accident In Space And Time

Just your average, friendly Vulcan

Exposed Loving

Be Love. Bring Love. LOVE.

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