My dad is dead, gofundme to get me home and to get him an autopsy

here is the direct link

gofundme.com/vjs4fw

but i am repeating my words here…..

Who I am:

I go by the name of Shalla, I was a radio personality (sex therapist for the Irish Radio station i102104) and prefer to keep my identity relatively private for the sake of my children… but today I need to go more public.

I am an American living in France, I married a Frenchman when I was a young mother of 2 boys, later I had a 3rd son and my husband moved us to France for his work.

Unfortunately after years of mental and emotional abuse the marriage died and we are currently in the process of divorce. I am trapped in France due to the fact that my children need to stay here for their education.

I live in the country, spending too much on rent, food and trying to buy major appliances as housing in France does not come with those items or closets…starting over really means beginning from nothing.

I am trying to rebuild my life but I don’t speak the language 100% and things that would be easy for me in English are a daily source of struggle in French.

After nearly 7 years here (most of that without a car, trapped inside due to wild boar in the garden/fields, neighbors dogs attacking and people calling the cops on me for taking pictures of plants and spider webs on the side of the road) I have very few friends and no family other than my boys ages almost 18, almost 14 and 8.

I live with chronic stress and fear I wont be able to provide for myself and my kids and that my husband will gain full custody and cut me out of their lives more than he already has…simply due to the language problem and no job.

I am an amateur photographer and try to sell some of my pictures on Zazzlehttp://www.zazzle.com/shalla  and I have started a small blog of pictures I take in the area https://shallaamericaninfrance.wordpress.com/  , I have tried to do more for my pictures but I keep running into obstacles and having to stop or lose motivation or lose confidence.

I struggle with PTSD (non military trauma), anxiety, chronic stress, chronic pain, an undiagnosed autoimmune disorder (24 years sick with no answers) and loneliness…

I try to cope with all the things I face but it is hard and I am burning out. The best way I found to cope is to help others and share my experiences, my world view and try to make the lives of others better… anyone from the military who also suffer PTSD, couples with marital problems, friends of all ages with sexual issues, health (physical, mental or emotional) problems…..

or even as “small” as helping a dragonfly/damselfly free itself from some left over webbing it was covered in after escaping the spider…true story, happened today and he climbed on my arm and watched me for a few seconds before flying away… (dad was that you?)

I help people… I am empathic, compassionate, knowledgeable (without schooling) and funny… I get others to relax and think outside the box, to stop stressing and find better solutions to their problems…
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Now I need help
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Yes, I personally need help for my life in France (and believe me it isn’t glamorous, my house is mold and rodent infested) but my more urgent need is for my father… who is now dead…and he shouldn’t be…
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Why I need help:

My father was not the best of men, we had our issues when I was young and my mother took us away when I was 10 years old… but through it all he was my dad and as I grew older I learned to forgive any troubles we had and see him for the person he was.

He had a brilliant mind and loved numbers, the square root always fascinated him and he was often lost in thought at McDonald’s with a hot coffee, pen and napkins to scribble ideas on.

He had been a hard working man, construction and working the bars as the gentleman who fixed your pinball machines, jukeboxes and was the skinny bad*ss that could find a way to life a 900lbs pool table …it was all in the angle he said.

He worked so much with coins from the various machines that a dime could drop and he could tell by the sound what percentage of silver was in it.
Always a story to tell and though he felt he lived a boring life, he would always amaze people by the things he had seen or done…. in that I am very much the same.

He loved nature and would talk to the bugs, telling them hello and when to bug off …and they would listen, I have done the same and it always amazes people.
He loved the bats and the swallows that would come around if he whistled just right and they would fly over his head in circles.

He was a charmer and little kids loved him, they would always be curious and poke their face in his direction when he was on a bus or at McDonald’s or on his route.

This puzzled him in good and bad ways… he was very firm on what was appropriate behavior for adults and children.. doing what he can to help keep their innocence as the world becomes more disturbing.

I forget exactly when but between 1997 and 2000 he was diagnosed with non Hodgkin Lymphoma, they said he had a month to live… a year later the bone marrow from his sister started to kick in and heal him… not long after that she died of ovarian cancer that no one knew she had… she was dead within 2 weeks of discovery.

For the next decade my dad suffered graft vs host, keeping his body weak but functionable… so long as he kept lowering the activity in his life… at points he survived on koolaid and very little else, his digestion was so feeble and he became malnourished. Meals on wheels style of food became too “spicy” for his body to cope with but none of the doctors did anything beyond noticing.

Recently my dad had a heart attack and a stroke, both of which were most likely brought on by chronic pneumonia making him weaker and weaker …adding in the continual graft vs host.

Over the last 18 months alone he was in and out of the hospital almost every month because the doctors would not seriously make an effort to communicate with each other and get him the proper treatment.

Often I would lose contact with my dad, find him almost a week later in the hospital or having to call the cops to do a well check and find him sleeping because he was seriously sick and didn’t realize that almost a week had gone by instead of a day or two.

During the end of April and beginning of May, my father spent over 20 days in the hospital… this was the longest they had held him and the most lucid I had heard him in 18 months… this is because I forced them to keep doing their job and not let him out of the hospital early or be abused by doctors and specialists.

I kept feeding them information about his health, things they would have known had they contacted his other physicians or would have learned if they took what my father said seriously.

Even though he was there for over 20 days he was not ready to leave…but they forced him… and roughly 5 days later he was in the hospital again needing more medication … roughly 10 days later he is dead.. early 60s and dead… why

The ME feels that he died of natural causes, as in no foul play at the scene… I understand this but I want an autopsy and the ME says that I need to have a personal autopsy performed and that costs money (anywhere from $2000 – $5000 or more according to the web).

Because I live in France it will take money to bring me home to Wisconsin and go through his things and make arrangements … I have no one else who can do this and I need answers on his health and how it could effect mine or my boys.. I need closure.

What you can do to help:

I know that a lot of my friends are strapped for cash too… on facebook I have over 600 “friends” be they friends I have known for years, new people, loved ones, family or the followers from when I was working the radio and helping with charity events in London… even if everyone gave 1£ 1€ 1$ it all adds up.

Because my father was an avid patron at McDonald’s and worked to help keep the bar circuits running well with good games, great music and proper pool tables… I had the idea… a win win sort of thing for those who enjoy a night out and have a hard time with a “something for nothing” cause…

Why not set up days/nights where a memorial is held for my father…not so much that you are remembering him but you are helping to celebrate me (the friend you know) to be able to go and remember my dad and do right by him…. so having events at local bars, pubs and McDonald’s and setting it up so a portion of the proceeds come to this fund…

or if you have flier miles to donate or other services you can offer… it all helps

Anything over my goal will be used to help with other needs I have trying to provide for my kids and should there be …by some miracle…a very large amount over, I want to invest that into buying abandoned or broken down houses in France and refurbishing them for needy large families and students… it is extremely hard to find housing if you have more than your self and no work or car.

Thank you for your time and thank you for those who pass this on….

lots of love

‘shalla

2 Responses

  1. I’ve sent you a small donation (can’t spare a lot out of my pension) and re-posted on my facebook – not that I’ve got many followers. As an English guy living in France, I can understand some of your problems;and with a wife who has lifetime medical conditions to contend with, some more of them. Wish I could give you more tangible help than just my best wishes
    John

    • thank you my lovely…. trying not to cry

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E.B. Starpointer

erotic author and sex-positive male commentator

An Accident In Space And Time

Just your average, friendly Vulcan

Exposed Loving

Be Love. Bring Love. LOVE.

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