venting or more smurfs will be added to the pot…

ok maybe not since i have no more blue coloring but i have yellow and red!

i could.. ummm…i could kill elmo and big bird!

lol though no more pancakes

maybe cookies

so… here is todays rant

i post this because some people only pay attention to my blogs and others hate when i send personal emails of my ranting since they can’t really help and this sort of depersonalizes it

really i would love some help, to be stress free or at least LESS stressed

but i dont expect help

i rant to get this shit out of my head so i can move on

and so i can look back and remember my life when i have forgotten the details

so here goes…

huge fight the other night with my 17yr old
typical stuff
him saying pity me pity me and me saying i am in the same damn boat suffering the same exact shit and his shit on top of mine and i have been doing it longer
shape up, help out and then we can go do stuff instead of always repeating the same damn shit
*sigh*

so he “freaks” and cleans his room but adding all kinds of stuff to 4 latge trash bags… ya know, cleaning house, helping out

i was wise to go through them because there was a ton of stuff that can be recyled, more that is mine, more that his brothers can enjoy and i just loved sitting on the floor going through each bag worried will i stab myself on pins (sewing supplies) or slice my finger on razor blades (disposable heads for shaving) or find actual trash of a nature i reallly dont want to be touching

*sigh*

no rest for moms

oh and i woke up early, cleaned the kitchen, made breakfast, cleaned kitchen again, then beat the rug, then cleaned even more!!! this last time with a mop… *head desk*

seriously with this much shit to do by myself with a teen that makes enough mess for 5 people and a cat and occasionally my boys… how the fuck do the unemployment people expect me to have enough energy to even think of LOOKING for a job let alone having one at 35hrs a week

fucking morons have no idea what it is like to walk my shoes with an autoimmune disorder

i still have food shopping to do… not that i have the funds to feed so many people

the joys of the first judge saying i dont need so much money for my one son or any money for the other two since they have been living with my ex while the divorce and custody battle are settled

lol obviously people forgot that while i only have my kids every other weekend and half of every vacation

i ever so KINDA need to feed them and do their laundry (as the lil one still wets the bed) and i dont have a washing machine and of course there is gas for the car to get to places where i can afford to buy “bulk” items (god i miss sams club and cosco, nothing remotely close like that here) and gas to get my 13yr old to his violin lesson… and the ex wants me to pick up the boys from school on wednesdays (half days) so he doesnt pay daycare cost and in theory i spend time with them.. gas gas gas gas FUCKING gas and more money to do something with them as i refuse to go spend time with them in my (legally my name still on that shit hole) ex’s house and feeding them again cause half day doesnt always mean school lunch

*head desk*

…. *head desk*

oh the hitting of head to desk and screaming at walls… story of my life or at least most of it

if only i was exaggerating

honestly, when you spend every day this frustrated and ill and unmotivated

how is it you are expected to function

feeling like a failure at every turn and having to keep pushing through this shit

it is like trying to swim through the river ankh as cut me own throat dibler is standing on the river trying to sell you meat pies and someone keeps throwing sacks of kittens to drown on you… but those of you that know the river ankh in the town of ank morepork realize that you cant do any of that except maybe dibbler standing on it and selling pies

it is one long river of solid mass

probly where d&d jelly cubes get their starting point before becoming more or less sentient

i dont want to swim the river ankh

i dont want to walk it either

i dont want to be in ankh morpork

i want to be happy and feel like all my effort has been worth it

sadly the option of selling everything or putting shit into storage and just wandering off is not viable

fuck it sucks being a good person that follows the rules and takes their responsibilities seriously

can i have some fun please?

anyway…

this blog is mine… it’s me.. and the fun is great

the images are fun

the meme’s are a challenge i can take or leave

but please understand.. the FebPhotoFest2015 was a big deal for me

i set a goal and i did it

only one person really understood how much of a challenge that was for me

and he was proud of me

i wish i was exaggerating what i go through, i don’t even tell half of it

venting helps get this crap out of my system

i am not saying pity me pity me

i am saying… either i type this or i scream and they huwl me off to the loony-bin

sharing this once with many people lesses the risk of frying out the few people around me that listen and are friends

wouldnt be the first time to have people leave me because they cant cope with my life

so… one step at a time, as much as i hate that..

for now i would settle for a house that is (more often) clean, organised and a living room that i can live in instead of a storage unit… *sigh*

ok off to shop and figure out what to feed the kids that they will eat… picky lil things

2 Responses

  1. sorry to hear that things are bad i hope they get better

    • things are often very hard in my life when they should be simple

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E.B. Starpointer

erotic author and sex-positive male commentator

An Accident In Space And Time

Just your average, friendly Vulcan

Exposed Loving

Be Love. Bring Love. LOVE.

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