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    December 2013
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My pain counts too #EMPATHYvsSYMPATHY

i posted a link about “IT’S NOT THAT BAD – EMPATHY VS SYMPATHY” earlier this month

(not here and thus why i am posting it now)

and i am posting it  again because of how true the words are right now, today…



today i am grieving…

i lost my cool last night in the supermarket and cried over a memory of my granny who passed just the other day

but i am also still grieving over the loss of my granny from 3 months ago

and the baby i lost for so many reasons, again 3 months ago

and the marriage i have lost

and how scared i am to be alone in this country, having to struggle to function due to the difference in language and culture

and how stressed i am over the divorce process

and how i still haven’t properly let go of the panic from when i was almost raped this time last year

or how i still freak out because of the situation with the cops from this time last year

or how i am still coping with the fact that i have so much shit piled on my shoulders that i haven’t been able to let go of because i haven’t been in a safe (emotionally) enough location to heal from the various traumas

and how stressed i am at the lack of communication from those i NEED to hear from..

example being that the same week my granny died, my husband made me wait 10hrs

(till the end of the day)

to tell me that he and my 16yr old had been in a car accident with a deer

and that the deer hit my son’s door…

i panic over the idea that i had to wait so long to know this and that i could have lost my son


(though none on this even thinks about the things i stress over from my friends lives and the struggles my extended family are going through, all i have said above doesn’t even begin to touch on their pains and how that effects me… so add that in too)


i grieve

i have been grieving

an hour here, a minute there, small snippets of time 

it is not a proper, healthy way to get over the pain

i am coping 

i am still not in a position where i can heal


so please, allow me to “feel” what ever i am feeling

but remember, they are MY feelings

i am glad if you can sympathize or empathize

but if you decided to enter my world as i am coping with this, please recognize that what you say has power

my pain is valid, it’s mine, it counts, I count

do not take the validity of my pain away

do not take away my worth





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E.B. Starpointer

erotic author and sex-positive male commentator

An Accident In Space And Time

Just your average, friendly Vulcan

Exposed Loving

Be Love. Bring Love. LOVE.

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