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    February 2013
    M T W T F S S

blog rant due to Manti Te’o being in the news

I am so irritated with the stupidity of people

Bad enough everyone gives a damn about having the best fashion or the coolest music or even going green in support of the actors getting screwed over by Hollywood

There are people all over the world, they are on the edge because they can’t get a job, are scared they will lose their job, have health issues that doctors ignore or misdiagnose…

There are people all over the world that will go to bed hungry tonight, there are so many more important issues going on …


But… ya know…

He might be gay… *mock horror* …

*mock excitement* omg this is so exciting! we have to share it with everyone!!!! *eye roll*


Where is all of this coming from and even better… where am I going with all of it…

Well, aside from the fact that I support the idea that E V E R Y O N E should have the same equal rights of the bare minimum to common courtesy, respect and the pursuit of happiness


It personally bothers me that there are people up in arms over “Christian values”, “LGBT rights”, “racial equality” … blah blah blah…


Who gives a fuck… WE ARE HUMAN…. So let’s behave like it and treat others and ourselves with… respect, common courtesy and go chase after some happiness


As long as we forget that we are all human, that we are all the same in that one specific area, then we forget what is important and treat everyone like crap… thus NEEDING to make people feel special and giving them rights that they should already have

It’s all bullshit

We are human, we are all related, we all want to be happy… so why are people wasting time being bigots, fear mongers and instigators of misery   

This isn’t the first time I have felt this way and it won’t be the last… which scares me and makes me angry

Growing up in America I had to deal with all the crap associated with being a redhead, literally having an entire school making fun of me because I was different… yay

Then having to be forced to learn about black history month… this one really pissed me off

Even at a young age I knew that to end segregation, you have to END SEGREGATION!

Giving one month a year to a group of people that happen to have darker skin due to how evolution decided they needed to be based on environment… seriously?

Ok… where is my month? Being that redheads/gingers are such a minority, in part due to being murdered for being potential demon spawn and or having a relation to witch craft… yay ignorance, fear and bigots *head desk*

Or what about the Native Americans… when do we get to learn about them?

Aside from the EXTREMLY minor part that the history books will allow us to read during the involvement of stealing their land and using them during the wars in America… or other wars later on

What about having a month for building awareness about medical issues or mental disorders or maybe we can have a month where everyone learns to bake… can you bake? What about balancing a checkbook… do you even know what those words mean?

We shouldn’t HAVE to have a special time and place for those who are “different”… we shouldn’t HAVE to… but stupid people in power dictate it and other stupid people fight against it, one subject at a time instead of fighting for equality… for all


So, what started my rant today?

The lovely Manti Te’o


I have nothing against him but he is being hunted by the news

A normal event due to the fact that he is young, very attractive, plays for the NFL and thus must be part of the public eye

Oh and that minor detail that people are insecure in their own sexuality and personality… thus concerned that … *gasp in mock horror* …he might be *whispers* …gay


Who the fuck cares?

As my friend put it …

“WHO CARES!?! Can he PLAY? Yes? Then again, WHO CARES!?!”

Of course, being who I am and how I see the world I had to reply back with the following comment…

“Mmmm gay men in sports…. I care… why?

Because some of them are still way more manly than the straight guys and since I can’t have either… I know where my lust and fantasies are going 🙂 ”

As it stands I already enjoy Rugby as my source of porn, most other sports really don’t excite me… it’s the primal nature that gets me stimulated

I really don’t enjoy American football or European football/soccer … ok ok from time to time I will admit to drooling over hockey… usually after I have yelled at the screen and cheered when someone got hit or there was blood…

If past lives really do exist, I was probly one of the blood thirsty people in the crowd at gladiator events… *blush*


Anyway my point being… we are not still 5 years old, playing in the sand box and having to fight off bullies who want to steal our bucket or pour sand on our heads

Grow up people

Grow into better people

Remember we are all human and just want to be happy, so stop being a douche

Stop caring so damn much about your own insecurities and projecting them onto others in the hopes of making them feel like shit, so you can hide your own problems and fears

Grow up

Be better


This is the article that pissed me off, I am sure there are others and I am not going out hunting for them because I like being happy and not wanting to smack people for their stupidity


Te’o Is Gay




my #clitoris is shrinking, #Tramadol is bad medicine

…. omg….

as if it wasnt bad enough
my clitoris is shrinking!!!!

i know its not my imagination
i know what my clit feels like

this week it has been …different… havent been able to “feel” it
i can touch it and know where it is blah blah blah but no stimulation

and now its shrinking!!!!


Allergic reaction to Tramadol/Opioid pain medications

Note: this is something I wrote, today, after a panic attack due to my health. I posted this in two groups on fetlife to see if anyone in the kink community, who suffer from autoimmune disorders, might have some in site into what i am going through



Just curious

Does anyone with an autoimmune disorder, any kind, have medication allergies?
The doctors gave me tramadol for the chronic pain

I didn’t want it, I was right not to want it but I didn’t know why

My memory is failing me, I didn’t remember that codeine is an opioid pain medication and that tramadol is too …

I know and the doctors know I developed an allergy to codeine

But my brain is going and I forgot

But it’s in my files

And they have the training/learning/taught to be doctors

They should have known the chance of me having a reaction was pretty fucking good

More so when (I later find out) these medications are not good for people with mental disorders (hello I am bipolar but no longer on meds because they stopped working even after the side effects continued) or those with curvature of the spine…

I had a panic attack in front of the doctor because I instinctively knew I shouldn’t have that medication but I couldn’t remember why

And I had showed him spine xrays from 2009 and just had new ones that day which he saw and agrees that yes I have curvature to my spine

There were so many warning flags that should have gone off in his head and he just stood there watching me have a panic attack

A week later and I learn all this because I have to teach myself

I have to look on the net

Not to be a hypochondriac but to find validation

So… tell me.. I can’t be the only one to suffer side effects or allergies to medication

I am looking for a connection between how normal/healthy people have side effects and allergies to medication


how those of us with different types of autoimmune disorders behave to the medication

Friday the 15th hospital test

So Friday went to the hospital for tests

Which tests? I don’t really know, it’s not like they tell me or give me a list or a clue or really translate anything for me but the gist of it is… test to figure out what is wrong with my health, which autoimmune it is or if it is something else


Test was crap


Nothing found on the xrays (hands and back)

No solid clue on the blood tests

See Dr again in a month …maybe I get to see the specialist this time instead of some young underling and his minion

They gave me pain killers that are one level down from morphine and it has LOTS of side effects that effect people but ya know… rarely… so I shouldn’t worry


What happens….




And the pissy thing is!!!



I was on the hospital bed, talking to the 30yr old doc, hubby is translating as I get more and more hysterical

Crying madly

I don’t want the meds, I know they will cause me trouble

He leaves after a while


I keep crying

Takes a while

I calm down

Clean up

Put make up on

You know… my game face


I go out, get the prescription, fill it and take the meds like a good lil guinea pig


I get sick

The pain doesn’t go away

My eyes swell up

Lymph nodes react

Oh yay what fun


I am so fucking tempted to send that young doc a bunch of flowers and a note saying you win the sadistic fuck award


Honestly, I know there are others out there that are in worse shape than I am… this really gives me no comfort…

The reality of it is… we… as a whole… are at a stage in life that there is no reason why we should not be educating people more, helping the world to eat better, grow as a group and as an individual… there is no reason we should have this level of suffering going on for decades

We are not yet at a utopian level for education, medical care, personal growth and what not… but we could be if we gave a rat’s ass and tried instead of pointing fingers or thumbing our ass in stupidity

10 days & panic attacks

10 days to go…

I posted this as my facebook status, I need people to understand and cut me some slack if I am a bit more than they can cope with over the next few days

today is the 5th
in 10 days I will go to the hospital for test to hopefully find out which of the possible 90 autoimmune disorders I have or if it is something else…
from now until then I am likely to have panic attacks at any point because I have ptsd when it comes to my health… everything rests on getting answers and I am terrified I will have to wait more… I have waited 21 years already
please be understanding if I am a lil insane the next few days

I have been ill since I was 12, it started with a seizure and a bunch of symptoms, got worse and worse to the point I had to be taken out of school because the environment was slowly killing me

Doctors would say one thing but never help you understand what you needed to do, then they would say another and 20 yrs later all the doctors want to do is say it’s all in your head, change your diet, exercise more, what happened in your emotional history to fuck you up this way, do you take drugs, alcoholic …. I have had doctors tell me I can’t know my own body…I fucking live in my body…wth?!

Last September I spent days in the hospital for a migraine that wouldn’t go away, I forced them to do tests and then forced them more for the ANA test and that one came back positive… nothing else they wanted to do showed I had health issues

But that test… ANA http://www.sclerodermatt.org/articles/better-health/315-explaining-the-ana-blood-test-normal-range

See that test is special… if you test positive that basically tells doctors to shut the fuck up! It gives validation that you are sick with ….SOMEthing…

When your score is 1:640 and normal tends to be around 1:40 …. SLIGHT difference

That means the test had to be cut 5 times before they stopped and said yes she is sick

20 years to hear, yes you are sick

But what am I sick with

One or more of any of the 90 autoimmune disorders on the market

Will they know this time?

Will I get answers?

What tests will they do?

I mean I know normal blood work, but anything extra?

Are there blood tests I should be asking for?!!!

I know they want to do an xray…of what?

She said maybe a biopsy of my salivary gland but will she?

Will they scan my throat for that one type of thyroid disorder?

Will they test for TB? Because you know tb can be in the body without being in the lungs and one guy tried to prove a connection in evolution that rheumatoid arthritis was the bodies invention to counter tb… you never know

Point is

What are they going to do?

And will it just end up being a waste of more time

Everything rests on answers

I have been fighting this for so long, I am tired of fighting and panicking and not living

The next 10 days are going to be hell


I need to sleep, I am scared of the silence in the darkness… it makes my panic induced fears that much harder to ignore


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An Accident In Space And Time

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