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    December 2012
    M T W T F S S

Happy Holidays 2012

I just want to wish you all a happy holidays

I can’t be sure if I will be on the net and posting blogs by the time New Year’s arrival so I wish you well for that at the same time 🙂

This past year has been full of “interesting times”… by coincidence I have also read the book with the same title by Terry Pratchett, I adore his writing, the Monty Python of the book world

So yes, this past year has been full of interesting times and new experiences… meeting amazing people, seeing friends and family who are in far off places, reaching my goal of having a driver’s license, car and getting help with my medical issues

It has been a full year

Lots of activity in London and with the car I can be sure to have more activity while in France over the next year

I have had many reasons to yell, scream, and cry for all the hardships

I have also had many reasons to sing, laugh, play, kiss, cuddle and learn to be myself while not feeling guilty about it


Thank you all for being part of my life, in one way or another

Remember to smile, find the joy in simple things and look up at the sky every so often to see the beauty that can be found there… remember to dream


Happy holidays




Ps… here is the audio version of this blog:


(Though I admit to writing this after recording the above link)


Stuck in the mud

So when we bought the car it pitched slightly to the right but no biggy

Now… I could kick him for how it runs

Hubby decided a while back to start building a shed to park the car in

After getting the car he noticed his shed isn’t deep enough

No real big deal since it isn’t done yet

Key words there

Ok, all it is at the moment is a bit of frame work

Now that is a great start

Really it is

But its dirt ground still

And it’s been raining

For months

The car is heavy

I have had this weird aversion to parking there and didn’t really try to figure out why

I had just been leaving the car in another bit of open space, like the one in the picture of me with the car

Well he asks why I am not parking the car in the thing he made…

Didn’t have an answer, it just didn’t feel right so I wasn’t doing it

So to please him, I didn’t even bother thinking out the feeling I had, I just wanted to make him happy

I parked the car in his not finished shed

In the rain

With the wet ground

With a heavy car

Yeah next morning I get out to go to the oil change and… I can’t

Too much mud

I call him up bitching

Oh I was pissed! Half of it at myself for once again blindly trusting him and getting fucked over for it

I am still pissed off about the silverware I had in the states

He said I didn’t have to pack it, that his folks would help provide us with stuff

blah blah blah

ooooo the stupid fuck that I am, believed him and now have shit forks and what not that are falling apart cause of that plastic handle crap to be pretty and artistic….now have to invest in new cutlery when my old stuff was fine and heavy and none of it plastic…. gerrrrrr

So he gets pissed at me and asks if he should hang up because of the abuse I am slinging at him

Then asks if I want him to come and dig me out


I told him I don’t care either way, if he doesn’t I will just get someone else to, I have friends

Oh the snide laugh he did at that with a “you have friends huh”

Oh it was right then and there I decided, car in mud or no I was spending the night with someone else

In the end, everything he tried was a larger scale of what I had tried and I told him to just get the neighbor with a tractor

So now…. not only does it lint to the right a bit more

At 80km/hr or higher the steering shakes

So I get to the oil change and I TOLD him my discovery but ya know…

He later tells me that he has to feel for himself the shaking


It will probly cost over 1000 to fix the alignment that his half assed project caused

He could have spent that instead when we had the driveway made and put in the small stones

he could have had the guy dig out the spot where hubby wants the shed or a wider area near the wood shed or… fuck, something but no

He was saving money

Saving it for another fuck up

It’s like this all the time

Over the summer he got pissed at me for a couple of days when I told him he does things half assed

Now what I mean by half assed…. A for effort, A for conceptual idea…. but a huge fucking F for follow through

Does that mean I am calling him lazy… no

I know he spends a lot of effort on the things he does… but ya know

He micro manages and doesn’t do things all the way to the end

With the excuse…. “I can’t think of everything”

…. Stupid fucking me for trusting him so blindly and then getting pissy and him making me have a guilt trip over me having the perfect right to be upset

So yeah

Fuck it

I met a guy on alt, had been chatting for a while, he is local and we met for coffee the other day, I spent a good couple of hours with him and loved it

He felt wonderful and treating me as if I have value…. 

I had already been planning to see him again but with the way things went with the mud

I decided to spend the night with him

Made dinner, very nice one for the kids and hubby, had it all ready

Packed an overnight bag with some toys

when it was the right time for me to leave, I had hubby come into the back of the house with me, told him after all the shit of the day I didn’t want to be there, I was leaving for the night and would be back in the afternoon the next day

He said fine and it ended there

I drove off to my friend and had a lovely night

I want a change in my life and I am going to have it

I have value, I have to remember that and demand it and stop following blindly


letter with option to unfriend

Note: after being banned and noticing a chain of events that are too coincidental, i decided that i needed to let one friend know what was going on. this is now the 4th time i have been harassed by a jealous and closed minded girlfriend or wife of some guy i met through a mutual friend

very few woman of said men have tried friending me and learning who i am, one tried and then got more pissed, a waste and another has friended me..so far so good and many giggles

*sigh* it sucks that i have to feel the need to explain myself





Hey “Lady of Awesomeness”,

Wanted to warn you and your friends that I am some kind of horrible sexual fiend, bent on stealing the significant other of all of your friends, also any goats, rabbits, dogs, chickens, awesome dragon con gear and I am sure I will just have to take a soul or too.. you know because gingers have none and we have to resupply ourselves every so often…

Seems I have once again been unfriended or had to unfriend a guy I met through making witty, snarky, sexual (but never really aimed AT them) comments on your posts. I was good enough to banter with but once they choose me to be a friend and I say what their girlfriends/wives think if as the “wrong thing” …yayay its attack shalla day

I live in France… I seriously don’t have the time/money or teleportation device to stalk the guys I have befriended in the states and try to pry them away from the ladies they are with

Besides, what would be the point?

I like friends, I am one of the guys in that I love to use potty humor and stupid sexual jokes, get a laugh, be snarky and sarcastic but I do not try to break people up

If someone is unhappy in their relationship I try to build them up, find out what is wrong and give ideas to help make things better

Most of the females that have bitched me out never took the time to get to know me and see what a good person I am, how funny I can be and how much I am more likely to go look for cock in London… preferably when it is nude, on stage and the guy is reading erotic poetry

I spend soooo much time around naked men that it doesn’t faze me anymore, its art, its normal, it’s boring…

I tend to have a childlike innocence when I “flirt” or show appreciation to guys, I just want them to know they are worth it… so many guys don’t get that and I don’t like how that damages the average male

I mean nothing by it though, it is what it is… nothing more

If I mean “mmmmm penis” I will say that… I don’t have hidden subtle messages and it really hurts when people judge me before giving me the chance to show who I am

So I am done… I am writing this to you (so you are in the know) and to the few friends I have with you…

I am tired of being attacked for being me from closed minded people that are insecure with themselves and their relationship

If anyone wants to unfriend me… do it…

I have been banned for 3 days due to a picture I had on Facebook for over 2 years of a pair of prosthetic breasts, they are used for breast cancer survivors and those undergoing transgender therapy (pre op only)…I am a huge supporter when it comes to human sexuality, the mindset, the body, the proper education of the body/sexuality/sex/self-awareness and getting people over the stigmas that society puts upon us or the negative life experiences such as rape (which can and does happen to men) and body mutilation

I find it HIGHLY coincidental that I get banned just after the gf of “Guy who shan’t be named” has a hissy fit over me and he also unfriends me…

Whatever… will have to take my boyfriend/husband/teenage son/teenage godson/neighbor next door you have been eyeing/priest/Santa thieving self and go find a good spot for an orgy and ritual sacrifice of the goat … women not welcome of course… except Lady 1, Lady 2 and Lady 3 (names changed OBVIOUSLY lol)… because they took the time to get to know me..so they can be worshiped like goddesses and fed tasty things by the slave men and other sexual madness


…. *sigh*

I don’t like being judged, I try so hard not to until someone forces me to…



Angry with #Facebook

I have seriously had enough with the stupidity of others

Ever since I met the makers of PROSTHETIC breasts, that’s right, they are NOT REAL but they look real enough, feel real enough, warm to the touch and are a wonderful aid for those that have survived breast cancer, are undergoing pre op transgender modification, those that just wish to dress up or models that want to look more busty for photo shoots

The prosthetic breasts I support are made by a company called Bountiful Bosoms, I am very pleased to have met the owners back in 2010 at the convention in London called Erotica

On my Facebook page I had a silly picture of me grinning over a pair of the prosthetic breasts, I was so in love with the idea of an item that could give hope and joy to those that were seeking an answer to their health, over all wellbeing and happiness

This is the picture…

Oh wait, I don’t HAVE that picture because it is on the hard drive of the laptop that died

Yay, another one bites the dust

I understand that Facebook wants to keep the site safe and user friendly for all ages but seriously…. WTF…

It is a medical device

If you saw the picture, you could TELL it is face from the way the nipple and areola are shaped

But of course I don’t get to defend myself or explain or anything

I don’t even have a proper contact line to register a proper complaint to those in charge

I am furious that I have been banned for 3 days when that picture has been up for over 2 years with no one saying anything

Though it makes me wonder if it was the girlfriend of this guy I chat with…

He posted a picture of his short haircut and facial hair

Yes, I was showing appreciation but if any of you know me if I say something along the lines of “mmmm facial fur” … seriously how does that mmm of appreciation equal me wanting your bf’s cock? Seriously?

And it probly is her because now I have been unfriended by him

I really should just unfriend the 6 other people associated with him and this other group of closed minded people

The guys like my humor but their girlfriends think I am a threat

If I fucking wanted your man, I would have him and there would be nothing you could do about it… but I don’t

I am not interested in breaking up relationships

I like to build them stronger

If I want sex, I go get it but from single guys in London

Stupid backwater fool

So paranoid and insecure

Not even willing to get to know me, that I am just one of the guys, use potty humor and sex jokes but mean nothing by it… I really do have a childlike innocence when it comes to other guys



Anyway I wrote this to Facebook and submitted it to the feedback section on photography

Not that it will unban me any sooner

“I would like to point out that the picture that was just taken off my photo album was a pair of PROSTHETIC breasts. They are not real, they are made to help woman who have survived breast cancer or those undergoing gender modification.

I understand “you” want to keep the site safe and user friendly but I feel violated for not being able to show off a product that I feel strongly about.

I am a huge supporter of breast cancer survivors and transgender individuals, I feel it is a slap in the face to not be allowed to defend my picture before it gets taken down.

I also feel that “you” have gone too far in banning me without giving me a chance to explain or a chance to defend my picture.

I think it is grossly unfair to just take away the picture and ban me, saying I violated the system and slap me on the wrist without knowing the full story

I feel you are violating my rights as a user of this service”



*happy muppet flail*

Went down to get the car today, took us about an hour and a half to get there at the normal driving speeds, then we waited for the gentleman to show up with the car and then I drove him to the location of the garage

He seemed a lil scared at first…

Maybe it was because I was so hyper or that I got my license in England and that I was very silly… the clown

At one point we discussed how I was very happy that the model of car is an automatic and he went on to mimic and voice how important it is to love a manual car and the changing of gears and the better speed and…

“Yeah… sweety, that’s a guy thing… and we all know guys are way better at using their hands…” …. (as I mime the gesture for jerking off)

Hubby of course is blushing manly and hiding his face in the crook of his arm as he leans on the car

The young guy from the garage is just laughing and taking it in stride but I can tell there is some shock…only some *evil grin*… I mean after all girls are not supposed to be ‘rude’ as the English would say

Then again I have never been much of a girly girl lol

Buying the car was easy enough, sign here, fold there, give first born plus arm and leg…

Ok maybe not but it was pretty easy

The car had ONLY enough gas for around the small town and to the gas station… it was thirst to say the least

Fucker took 108€ to fill it up!

So worth it though… I have freedom! I can start my life… I should note that even though I am from America, I didn’t have a driver’s license there for various reasons… so this really is a big thing for me

My son teased me, asking why I was so excited to have a car… he is 11 and most boys that age are clueless… he is no exception *grin*

So I tell him that I am excited because it’s mine! I own it!

So he goes off splitting hairs saying yeah but your hair and your eyes and your body…

I could have smacked him… he doesn’t get it.

I have worked so hard for so long and waited because other people told me I was not allowed, that they had to come first… it’s not just a car… it’s so much more

The reason it upsets me so much over what my son said, was that he can’t seem to empathize with others, he doesn’t get when he is saying something wrong or at a bad time


Words over actions

I still don’t think he got what I was saying and I don’t know if he ever will

But I have my car, I can drive it, I can start my life …


living in the country really does require a car



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