Dreaming and my Major

The window, open to the darkness beyond and a breeze dancing in, whisking away the sweat as it offers comfort to my overheated body

My mind wonders as the room chills and once again I have the ability to think

To dream before sleeping and from sleep to pass into dreaming

Images float before me, mind open, eyes shut

Desires I have for the simple pleasures in life, they roll on along the path to the more complex passions I rarely share in ways beyond my words

My mind slips off as I hear the sandman tiptoe in and spread grains of sand over my eye lids

A single kiss for a single grain

Each kiss sending me deeper into the mysts as the grains of sand pile higher and strip me of my conscious thoughts

Long after entering the land of Nod

I sit at the edge of waking, dangling at the point where the mind returns from slumber and I begin to dream of him once again

The one that wants me but will not give in

The one with instincts he fears to trust

The one who stirs passions in me that I have hidden from for so much of my life

Scared that what I feel is only a myth that can never be

Like perfection, something to strive for but never attain

I dream of the upcoming event I will attend, I see myself in the bar I know so well from our previous gatherings

It is the 1st anniversary party of Erotic Meet, a haven for those who create erotic art in many different forms

Finding myself in the venue with top named people like Annie Player, Sarah Berry, Meg Phillips, Moly, writers and bloggers I have come know over this past year

As well as many other good friends and not to forget performers like Ruby Jones, the East End Cabaret and the Naked Poet Ernesto…

Faces without bodies, passing, mingling, merging, the sounds, the rush, the high of the event getting started before the performers grace the stage

Music and laughter taking over as lights swirl and I feel dizzy with the activity I know will be surrounding me in real life, while knowing I am locked in dreams

A sort of glimpse at a possible future

I float beside myself as I see how I chat effortlessly with the fine folks around me, doing what I do best… being social and loving every minute of it

I see myself wearing my goat skin corset, black but for the triangle of red in the front with buckles and a tutu skirt, feeling a bit devilish

A tap on the shoulder and as I turn to see who is calling for my attention, I find my dreaming-watching-self back inside my dream-body and the view changes as I look out of my own eyes

I forget which woman I am speaking to, as those bits of detail fade even as they happen

I am told that I need to be a part of a performance and must be blindfolded…

I ask no questions and laughingly submit to having my sight taken from me and wait with arms at my side for the next step in the game

I am spun slowly like you do when about to pin the tail on the donkey

The giggles, laughter and conversations mount in anticipation

My dreaming mind and edge of waking-self enjoy the scene without any clue as to where this dream is taking me

I stop

I wait

I am told someone is here to see me

Innocently I think it is someone looking to flirt, be silly and tell me that they love my words

The sounds are still going on around me but I take no notice of them as they seem to fade back while my awareness sharpens

I am told the man is now before me

Silently I reach out and touch a hand, feel it slowly between both of mine and bring it to my face

I breathe in the smell of skin and feel a tint of nervousness lacing the palm as I place a single kiss inside and press the hand against my cheek, nuzzling in my face

No clue to who it is I am touching but feeling that I am expected to be my sensual self and discover who it is that I am facing

I step in closer and run my hands up the chest of the man before me, as I feel the arms an image pops into my mind and I see what I am feeling, as if my fingers where my eyes

The muscle structure I feel beneath my touch triggers flashbacks of pictures I have lovingly gazed at over the past few months and my breath catches

Back I go over the shape of the chest, the shoulders, the arms and once again I find it difficult to breathe as I reach up with trembling hands to feel his face

The part of my mind more aware than the dreaming self is terrified that my dream could be so loving and yet can cause me such pain

To give me the man I want in dream that I cannot have in life

I trace each line of his face, not raising my own and I know those lips

I ask him to smile for me and as he does both of my hands cup his cheeks and I trail my thumbs over lips and dimples

I feel the tears running down my cheek, just the right side of my face

Not just a single tear but one after another and following the same path of the last

My body is weak and my voice hoarse but I ask him to speak for me, to say anything, it doesn’t matter what

His voice trembles out between my hands, still cupping his face but even as I feel how nervous each word sounds…

I recognize the passion, the sound, the man

The tears flow faster but again only to the one side

I look up to his eyes, knowing he can see me but I am still blindfolded, see nothing but what my hands on his face tell me

I pull him down to my level and tell him to hold still

Kissing his nose gently

I wake from my dream, heart aching and the tears real but still just on the right side


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