…and then i said “go fuck a tree if the tree will let you”


When I moved to Maryland as a pre-teen, my life changed and not for the first time…

I can’t say it was the second or the third time either, it just was another change in my life, in a long line of changes

By the time I was 10 I had breasts that some adult woman would have been jealous of but for me it just got me noticed and teased even more than before

On my 10th birthday I asked some guys in the roller skating rink I went to, how old they thought I was…

See I knew they were older than me, I have always been good at reading people and finding clues to different situations that I find myself in

They thought I was 16, simply because of the shape of my body and the confidence I had in myself

Years of being tormented by kids picking on me because of my hair or my name or my strength of character had made me a bit cold and distant some would say, more like shy and not wanting to get hurt again

This new school I went to didn’t stop the teasing, it only got worse and the one girl I was friends with that really understood me had to go back to Malaysia

2 and a half years of school was enough for me to say fuck this shit and start fighting back

Now if you know me in person, then you know I will try to avoid a fight at all cost but you fuck me over good enough and long enough and I will bite you… hard

When I was in 6th grade (think age 12 or 13) I was already 5’ tall, one of the taller kids in the class, sadly the other kids kept on growing and I stopped…

One day during recess the same group of kids started bugging me… three of them, sometimes there where others

R, A and S… now S was a geeky kid, I adore him to bits and understood what he went through as he wasn’t always the most popular kid either though he was well liked by everyone even if he didn’t see it till later

S teased me, tempted me to chase after him but it was all fun and I knew that, it wasn’t meant to hurt me

A… I had a crush on him for a while, dragged it out even after I lost interest so I guess I kind of deserved his teasing

R…. oh I could bite that tiny lil blond, pale skinned pain in the ass. His younger self still haunts my brain telling me how worthless I am and making me feel like shit… decades later and he probly doesn’t even remember me

This one day the three of them where just winding me up, I chased after them but I was never a strong runner and R really was pissing me off!  

I was seeing red like a bull

Ha! He did the classic dumb blond in a horror flick move, he looked over his shoulder as I was chasing him and that’s when he tripped and fell

I pounced the bastard, I was so pissed I was whaling on him but I was so angry I couldn’t see straight as I cried so I hit more around him than on him

Took this big black body builder type guy that was our playground monitor to pull me off R and he was struggling to hold me as I kicked and lashed out, trying to get back to R who was still cowering in the fetal position on the grass

Of course my teacher found out… these things tend to happen when you are at school

She was a really great lady, I wish I remembered her name but she was easily 6’ tall, shoulder length hair and she knew the crap I had been putting up with for years

Hell I had even told the teacher in charge of the patrols that I had been sexually harassed on the bus and other serious issues but no one had ever done anything about it

But my teacher understood what was going on

She lined the boys up and she stood at my side and she stared at them

She yelled at them “what is wrong with you boys! She could do some serious damage to you and you would have deserved it”  … or something to that effect

Later she called my mom to let her know there had been an incident… first thing out of my mom’s mouth ways… “Ok what did they do to piss her off?”

I love my mom

Another time, the same three boys wound me up again and the same play ground monitor had to butt his nose into my business

This time though it was the end of recess and we were all heading back to different classes, I was going off to gym and again I was pissed off

Now there are times when I can snap off a witty come back, something sarcastic and really fitting to my mood and the situation

I forget what had triggered it all but I remember climbing the stairs into the building and turning to R as he was walking up, he had said something so belted out the following at him

Go fuck a tree if the tree will let you

Well it seems the playground monitor at the top of the landing just didn’t get the humor in what I had to say and really didn’t care how pissed off I was or how much R had deserved that statement

I!!! was perfectly content with what I had said, learning long ago from my mother, you only swear when someone or the situation deserves it… use it right or don’t use it at all

So off I go thinking it is over and sit in the back of gym class… pissed off

Then I find out the teachers and principal want to see all of us… S, R and I were taken out of our classes (R was in a different class) and we gathered in the hallway outside of the gym

S stood facing the principal, R stood facing his teacher and last was me facing my teacher

Poor S, he was clueless, no idea why he was there, just dragged along cause the playground monitor thought he was somehow involved

They ask S, well, what did she say

He has no idea

They ask R… this boy at the time was short and small enough to pass for an 8 year, nearly white blond hair and very pale skin… he turned so red I thought he looked like a cheery

He shook his head and just couldn’t bring himself to say anything

I was pissed, standing there with my arms crossed in a defensive posture and they all turn to me

Well, what did you say?

I took a long slow look up at my teacher, looked her dead in the eye and without any humor or stammer or hesitation I told her

“I told him to go fuck a tree if the tree would let him”

To her credit my teacher did not bust out laughing

The other teacher and the principal were both shocked and mortified

So now we come to the fun part… we were all told to apologies to each other

What the fuck for

I told them all flat out I would apologize to S because he wasn’t involved, they ignored that

But… there was no way in hell I was saying sorry to that lil shit… I don’t think they liked me saying that either

Instead we had to now write and apology… hell no

I was shaking… I was on the edge of tears because I was just so angry that my body just could not contain my frustration at the people involved

These adults were supposed to be there to stop the abuse and instead I get in trouble because I have the “balls” to stand up to the abuse after years of trying to get it to stop… right

I get home from school that afternoon and I cried myself to sleep which was fast becoming a ritual, I was a latch-key kid so it would be hours before my mom would be home

When she got in she told me about the phone call from my teacher

It seems my teacher caller, again my mother asked what they had done, and at this point my teacher did burst into laughter as she told my mother what I had said and some of the other things that had happened….

Of course I wasn’t supposed to know this… it was great knowing my teacher was on my side

Repeat after me “tooth brush goes in the mouth”


I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried…

I just stabbed myself in the eye while brushing my teeth, I texted that to the hubby and his exact reply was “U special *pat pat pat*”

Yeah I guess I must be

I mean who starts brushing their teeth and then suddenly goes “how the fuck did this thing get in my eye?”

I made lunch for the boys and had a lil myself, it was all very tasty but a few cups of tea later and the after taste in my mouth was really annoying, so I decided to brush my teeth

*shrugs* makes sense

I am standing there, brushing away, very proud of myself for getting all those hard to reach areas and happy in the satisfaction I will feel when done brushing and my teeth feel all smooth and shiny

Ooooo shiny

Now I have recently noticed that when I use my point and shoot camera that it has been warning me of shake but I look rock steady

For a while now I have experienced my hands grip something and then suddenly, without my wanting to, easy up the grip for a split second which results in me nearly drop whatever I was holding

This gets very embarrassing when out with friends and I have just taken a sip of my beer, I don’t get drunk often and it takes a lot to get me there!

So maybe an inch into my FIRST pint should NOT be making me drop my fork… (I hope you just read that with a bit of snark and bitterness in your mental voice because that’s how I was typing it! lol)

Back to me stabbing myself in the eye… I can’t stop laughing about it

I brush and brush, change the angle here and there, a lil extra force when needed

At some point my hand jerks to the side which pulls the tooth brush out of my mouth and then my hand continues its brushing motion at the same force I was using just before my hand spazed on me

Now my brain is registering this in a second by second frame and I realize what is about to happen, yes I literally said a mental “FUCK” as I closed my eye trying to avoid the stab

I snickered as I dropped my tooth brush in the holder and turned on the tap to wash my left eye that now was all minty fresh and trying very hard to stay closed incase my hand decided to do that again!

I don’t panic about this kind of stuff any more

I was maybe 11 when I had way worse, this is just minty goodness saying HELLO to my eye ball, comfy!! *snickers*

When I was lil my mom moved us in with a friend of hers from college

This friend loved cooking exotic food (anything is exotic in Wisconsin) and using ingredients I had never heard of but I am not stupid and knew to be respectful of the peppers!

Sadly somehow I ended up with a Laotian pepper seed in my left eye and spent the next 30 minutes standing in the shower keeping my eye open as it was pounded with water

I didn’t panic then either, what’s the point

You have a crisis, you deal with it…

Though I really am worried that the nerves in my body are acting up

Over the last couple of months I have had issues with the ones in my legs, lower spine and my arms

It’s creepy to lose control

Even when you can find the humor in it

(armedwithcoffee)

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