Eating alone

I am not ready to go back to the hostel

I am not ready to face the empty wall

Mine is the corner without the memories on display

Without the decoration of times spent with friends

I am the outsider

Sweet as they are I am not one of them

I am just a visitor

Traveling back and forth between home and here, never really belonging to either

Lonely and never content as I have no stability

Sitting alone as I eat a meal in a restaurant

People around me having a good time

Sitting alone and I can’t tell if I am happy to be so or sad to be alone


note: from last trip to london

Poly speed dating event




But never a few…

Have you ever thought about the idea of having more than one lover, at the same time and everyone knowing about it… everyone being ok with it and everyone joining in…

I am not talking about a threesome or an orgy, those are different words with different meanings.

What I am talking about is polyamore, the act of loving and enjoying more than one person at a time.

I have long known that I was never meant to love just one person.

Yes I dream of that special love and passion I will feel for just one person but as I haven’t met them yet, I just don’t see why I should limit who or how many I love.

I like the idea of being part of a group, loving and being close in so many ways to a couple or more than just two. I like the idea of belonging to people that all care intensely for me and I for them.

So being open to this concept and having long ago realized how easily I am able to loving others, I attended a polyamore speed dating event.

I have never been to a speed dating event of any kind and had no idea what to expect.

Excited and trying to look my best I showed up slightly early so I would have plenty of time to get lost, I am very good at finding things…generally after a bit of a meander.

Headphones over my ears and a bounce in my step, I headed off over the bridge at blackfriars to the chosen pub. Once there it was somewhat obvious to tell who outside was loitering around and trying to figure out what floor the event was being held on.

As I am horribly shy, I asked if they knew where we all were going and when no one knew I scampered off inside to the bar and asked… where exactly that…event… was being held.

In a pub full of “normal” people, one cant simply ask… where is the kink event or the erotic event or the poly meet or even something as simple as the speed dating event.

You have to be subtle so as to keep the average customers in the dark of our interesting life style that they are not yet ready to embrace.

So simply mentioning the …event… to the lovely lady at the bar gained me the information I was searching for… go up to the second floor bar… I really must remember that the floor I was on was the basement or ground floor and that everyone counts the floor above as the first floor.

So confusing…


Grabbing the stragglers, we made our way up and up and into the room reserved for us.

Getting our numbers, papers and learning the plan for the night and figuring out how the whole program worked.

I spoke with many wonderful people, some I would really love to stay friends with but I have to admit none there really sparked my interest.

Then again I am extremely picky and looking for something… just right

The event itself was very fun, though I admit I was amazed at how few kinky people where there!

I was actually having to hold back my personality and think of vanilla things to talk about… have you met me? Do you have any idea how hard that is for me?!!

They had a very neat list of ideas to talk about and I panicked when I didn’t see anything overtly sexual or kinky … was hilarious

I really would like to go to another one


note: this was a few months back, an event i spotted on fetlife and was highly curious about

snuggles in the pub

I felt your hands tonight

So smooth of skin and firm in form

You touched me tentatively

I wanted more but let you go at your own pace

The feel of your chest against my back makes me want to linger

The feel of your touch on my thigh, just a little higher, keep touching, don’t stop

But you do, you stop

If I didn’t know any better I would say you were teasing me

Being true to form, you are the perfect gentleman

You walk me to the tube, hold my hand… which makes me feel special

Pull me close and keep me warm in your arms

Gently kiss my forehead and send me on my way

If I never have anything more than what I have with you as my snuggle buddy, a confidant … my friend

I admit I will be the happiest woman in the world

Sometimes it is the simple pleasures in life that mean so much


note: this was from my last trip to london at one of the munches with a dear friend, my muse for all things affectionate but innocent… my snuggle buddy

together 11 years

The hubby and I have been together now 11 years and in November will have been married for 10 of those years. We have come to learn a great many things about each other and ourselves, our friendship is very strong even if other aspects of the marriage have died long ago

There will probly never be a divorce even though I have fallen out of love long ago, there will always be a friendship that binds us and gives us strength to do what is needed to make the other happy and for the kids

We recently took a trip to the UK to see Jeff Dunham for his birthday and we went around different tourist sites to see what there was to see.

It is the first real vacation we have taken alone in the entire time we have been together

In some ways too little/too late but in other was a learning experience

The hotels we booked where cheap and I was fine with that but still for the money we paid they should have been better. Travelodge is now on my shit list and I will be sending them a details report of my disappointment

The hotel stays really ruined a lot of potential fun with him, making very clear just how much we have grown apart and how I do need a lover in London to give me the emotional and passionate connection I am looking for

So long together as good friends, working to better the other and ourselves but the marriage is open and I have found far too many volunteers to play with

Very few are what I want though, too many users and losers or people that really are just friend material

For the love of god use a breath mint!

Being female it can be easier to find someone, maybe not THE ONE but someone

What I would like is someone I can trust to play with the hubby, to teach him what he is missing in his life, what I can’t give him

I am so very picky of woman, so many of them have issues and I don’t want to saddle him with someone that requires more work

He needs to distress

This vacation has reminded me how much I do love him even though not in love with him and how much I want to take care of him and make sure he can have what he needs to be happy

Even if he doesn’t yet know what that is..

Suicide is NOT a joke

The young will always suffer… they will always think they have it harder than those who have come before and they will listen in their own way but not the way you need them to

There are days when things go just fine but those are few and far between

There are other days, when for them, it feels like the world is falling on their lil heads from all directions at once and from the inside

We expect the out bursts, the ignorance and the confusion involved with having so many new sensations in their life and their body

“I cannot live without you in my life”

“I have to be cool like them”

“I am so sad I just have to end it all”

“no one can possibly understand”

The selfishness of fools and the young is truly amazing.

As if the world was only about them, that only they knew what suffering was and there was no hope for a change

As stupid as it is we as adults understand this is a part of life for every teen and the lucky ones have people around them to help guide them along the right path…

It is part of life even though it doesn’t have to be

What really irks me is when the teens don’t grow out of it and become adults

Playing the drama card like it was a free pass to have what they want in life

Never, EVER use suicide as a threat to get what you want

Suicide is NOT a game and is not a joke or something you say lightly


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Often Erotic Musings from a queer, kinky and definitely dirty girl

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Just your average, friendly Vulcan

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