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    April 2012
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written 6 months ago

he really pissed me off last weekend.. just one thing after another
i know a husband is supposed to do that but i just cant take it
then he has the bright idea to get all snuggly and cute and act like we can get past it

i wasnt falling for that crap again, just tired of that game
few hours later he pulls the same shit
two days of abusive behavior… granted the level of abuse isnt as bad as it is for some people, its my shit, my coping with it, bad for me

so i decide thats it
took the ring off, wouldnt let him touch me, no kissing, no cuddling, no sex
was done … not getting emotionally involved any more
he knows i want a divorce but we cant have one so i am stuck and i hate it
so in my mind i divorced myself from the situation

it helped

week went by and i was a better person, more cheerful over all, more active
went for walks with him as that is part of my exercise plan i started, was talking more with him about things, just life was ok
i could cope with the bad parts more easily

he was trying more and more ways to touch me and i was shooting him down, asking more often if i wanted a kiss and if he pissed me off i was calling him on it every time even if sarcastic and mean

by today it had been one week since i kissed him or had sex with him… not like i missed much since we only have sex once a week anyway
a friend i was chatting with got me very horny and then a drink made it worse so i kissed the hubby, we stumbled off to the bedroom

i keep kissing him, all through the sex, he wanted one so badly.. there.. plenty
sex was fun but only because i took control. he kept wanting to do the same crappy vanilla sex moves he always does.. they do nothing for me

its not that he is small or thin but i just dont feel him
and i know i get tight, i even started months of intense training with my ben wa balls to make sure…

no its just bad sex, boring sex, annoying sex and worst of all no matter what i do.. havent been able to cum or get more than a weak orgasm in the last 2 months

i am a sexual creature.. everything about my life revolves around sex.. i neeeeeeeeed it.. it isnt a passing fancy and to have someone that is a bad lover, doesnt take the time to please me, doesnt give a damn and only does things half assed…. its like neutering me.. i might as well be nothing

so i topped from the bottom, i took some control and the sex was fun… i wasnt too bored or praying to some god he would just cum and go away, i didnt feel like i some times do that i should just be an escort as it would be more fun and a profit.. but i was more frustrated at the end of it

i could have gone for hours, i was lucky i stretched it to 15min if that

i told him after he came to help me, i was playing with my clit as best i could and he played with my ass a lil then gave up

is it too much to ask to be wanted, to be important enough to cum

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E.B. Starpointer

erotic author and sex-positive male commentator

An Accident In Space And Time

Just your average, friendly Vulcan

Exposed Loving

Be Love. Bring Love. LOVE.

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