still around just hiding

having net issues and not able to be online often

mainly hanging out on facebook and driving people nutty

been reading a lot of books and rather boring

will try to take some pics or write some words to tease and tantalize

summer healing

so i have been battling an autoimmune disorder for nearly 25 years and i will be 37 this october… so my health has been something of a mess for FAR too long

one of the best ways to see how i am suffering is to look at my face

part of the reason i tend to look so young is because i have something similar to acne and have had this problem since i was 10!

it seems that i am allergic to myself and have random allergy breakouts that get worse depending on a number of factors

since moving out of that pretty shit hole i was in for 3 years.. my skin is healing

i moved out fully in july, so far i have only had one bad week of skin where i needed some make up to dampen down the look of my skin

because i get cysts in some of my pores, i literally have to perform surgery on my face to get the crap out or it will hurt worse and force me to go to the hospital to get them to do it under pain meds… the cysts tend to reach down and put pressure on nerves making it excruciating the bigger they get

but taking care of my skin constantly makes he have sores that run the risk of getting infected and leaving angry red spots or scars… it is a real bitch and can be a nightmare to hear or see people freak out if i am not wearing makeup

being out of the bad house with the mold has really helped my health

on top of that i started to use a mixture of coconut oil and red palm oil, rubbing it into my skin and sleeping with it on over night

i have no allergies to either but if you try it be warned of possible allergies and staining of towels or sheets haha

first time i tried i worried if the orange tint would wash off my face.. did not want to go around with people thinking i wanted to look like trump.. ick ick lol

but it comes off easily and heals the skin, making it softer, cutting down infection and bacteria that builds up on and in the skin… also helps to slowly make scars go away😀

so this is me today, no makeup and this is the end of a week were it has been the worst my skin has looked in a about a month and a half😀

this is me the other day with makeup

haha no eyebrows but who cares

i love that i am healing… finally

also love that i am starting to slim down, i’ve lost 7 kilos, roughly 15 lbs… im at 85 kilo or roughly 187lbs

haha no i dont plan on trying to get stick skinny, my bones and muscle tone would never support that but i would like to get closer to 56kilo or roughly 125 lbs where i was about 10 years ago

i love this picture as it clearly shows more of my lines are coming back as i slim down

less weight means easier to move, easier to find clothing that fits in this weird fashion world of france and elf like bodies… i’m more of a dwarf haha but no beard😉

i want to be stronger and more healthy

 

 

unexpected house guest

so i was outside the other day and the dog i am watching was at my side in the garden

he is an american staff, lovely old thing but a bit dopey and easily excited by things that move

i happened to look down and saw a pretty little butterfly just sort of chilling

i scooped it up before the dog had time to notice or lick it to death in one friendly, well meaning but badly thought out action…

and the butterfly would not let go of me

seems i am safe and nice and all that good stuff

so i took a few pictures and loved the colors of the underside of the wings

if you look at the pattern just right it looks sort of like an native american in a feather headdress

for some reason the only time the butterfly moved off my hand was to sit on my breasts

i guess even the bugs like my tracts of land haha

eventually i got the butterfly off and safely onto something outside but it seemed cold and gave off this miserable vibe

so eventually, as the sun set and it was still in the same place i left it, i scooped it up again and took it into my room which was warmer

it seemed to liven up and was much more happy

opening and closing its wings

it stayed the night and seemed well rested, i was a bit worried about the damage to it’s wing but once i opened the window it flew off my hand and went into the trees

 

#SinfulSunday oops! did i flashed the cops?

so yesterday was another hot one in france

i had company coming over and wanted to clean up the house a bit since my boys went back to my ex

my room was last on the list to organize and since it was so hot i decided to be naked and sweat as little as possible.. hard to do with the sun shining full blast into my bedroom window

i really do try to avoid flashing the neighbors as my room faces the road but i heard a noise outside hahah

seems a helicopter was circling the area and by the colors and flight pattern i could tell it was not one of the machines from the hospital.. so that left cops or military

either way i was standing at the window, completely nude and showing off my pale skin to any who happened to look my way

which i am pretty sure they did as they circled back a few times and angled so they could get a clear view but from a respectful distance

i found the whole situation extremely funny

then again my style of humor is often a bit naughty and i really can’t help but tease the poor french men who seem to have a serious affection for large breasts

so i’m off to check out who else is being naughty this lovely sinful sunday

click on the links and see what pictures others have been posting, as sinful sunday is all about the image.. please like and share and comment as you can for all of us

 

 

 

something old & something blue #Sinfulsunday

as with all sinful sunday posts… it’s about the image
this weekend is also carrying along the theme of “from below”

click on the lips to see what the other lovelies have been doing

it’s been a while since i joined in the fun for sinful sunday

the move to the new house took up a lot of my time, helping my old neighbors move, having the kids for the summer and the god awful heat…well it has been a bit hard to be inspired or have the time to post

but i liked the idea of today’s challenge and decided to do a mix of pictures

for something old, i have some pictures i took in november 2010

i’d been in london and came back with my cute goth tutu skirt, i wanted pictures to show it off… along with my new rock shoes

at that time i was still married and very high on my sex drive but no outlet… part of why the divorce..

i like looking at these pictures and remembering who i was in that moment.. i want my sex drive back, i want the fun i found in london and i want to feel sexy

but lately i have been lacking in libido and longing for comfort, affection and cheesy as it is to say it.. love but not just any love.. something magical

so to turn the camera to that end.. we have the blue

i bought a special light a while back, it changes colors via a remote and adds a lil something special to my moods

i hope to be around more in the future and maybe explore the forest near my house