update on life and next week


so i have been going through a lot of shit for

oh

most of my life haha

but i am trying to get focused

hard with a week of migraines

but still trying

i have two possible freelance jobs in the works

one for pay the other for pleasure

so yayaya! stimulation

on the side of that i want to revamp this blog a bit

add more blogs i stalk …i mean follow

there are quite a few i read from the lovelies who post on Sinful Sunday

the meme run by Molly of Molly’s daily kiss (great blog! lovely woman and reason i started this blog)

so i need to add more blogs i follow to this thing

start commenting more

because the people writing those blogs i enjoy are simply amazing

and they need to hear it

and i need to better develop contacts and friendships

ok that and i want to start adding webcomic links

i need to start reading my funnies again

i met some of the most amazing people through geekery and webcommics

maybe thats how i met you!

anyway

keep encouraging me

i need it

not like “omg ego trip” kind of thing

i honestly need it

too many years of mental and emotional abuse and being made to think that i am nothing or have no talent

this blog is my way of healing who i am and becoming who i want to be

hopefully that inspires a few others like me to do the same

trying to believe in myself

your belief in me helps

lots of love and kisses and cuddles and boobs!

What does cuddling mean to you?


every so often i will see something in my inbox from fetlife that will inspire me to write

this message has been sitting untouched for about a week now

but today i was brave enough to face the question and the pain that always comes with such a sensitive subject

affection, cuddles, touch, mental stimulation is what i need

often around me i find people who are unable to understand why these things are so vital to me

one guy on a dating site said i should just get a puppy and drop the sites

another guy said i should see a shrink

lovely men there are in the world

(not that today’s women are any better)

i take the time to explain who i am and what i need

then i get attacked for being me

for being my special kind of “handicapped”

ah well you cant expect everyone to be able to handle the truth

or to say no to their over active libido and under developed IQ

i know that not all men (or women) are like this

but i often find the worst before i find the normal or exceptional ones

i am not pessimistic… i am honest..realistic

i am not half empty or half full…i am the glass..

so this question was asked

and with all fetlife questions that i share on my blog

i do not give the comments of others or names/handles

What does cuddling mean to you?

How far does it go before its not cuddling? Some “cuddling” that I’ve experienced isn’t cuddling at all. Its full fledged messing around. Personally, those aren’t the same thing. I like having stuff defined so everyone is at least in the same book and there are minimal surprises. Let me know your thoughts.

and this is what i had to say

i like to sleep with people
not sex
doesnt have to be heavy petting or kissing

just two or more bodies in a bed or on a pile of pillows
arms around each other
feeling warm, safe, content

my life is full of stress and pain
i need the innocent and affectionate side of cuddling
like how puppies or other baby animals group together and sleep

everyday
all day
i have to be strong and cope and try to look normal
but i suffer a lot of chronic pain and stress

when i cuddle
i get to let go of that
i get to relax
and relaxing is so damn hard for me

but so few people seem to get this concept
and trying to explain this to the french
the guys all seem to think i am crazy
or that i am hiding what i “really” want

where i am it is very lonely

the women are distant and usually cold or fear breaking taboos
the men usually just want sex.. not even kink…just sex
so boring

thank you for inspiring me to write
i will add this (what i have to say and your question, not others comments) to my blog
but no worries, i never put names or images unless requested

what i didnt add in my reply is that i have had a number of people assume that i mean foreplay and sex when i tell them i want to cuddle

when i was state side, there was a guy i met online and i clicked with him

i felt very comfortable with him and just wanted to be wrapped up in his arms

no stress, no pressure, no drama

he was like me in that he had a troubled past with a broken marriage

but he assumed i meant i wanted sex and drama

it amazes me how i can write a blog

share all that i am on any single subject

explain that these are my thruths

this is who i am

read me

and yet they don’t and they make assumptions and we both lose a chance for something good

i dont play games

i dont like lies

i dont want to be used

i dont want to be a slut to try and find the affection i need in touch

i dont want to compromise, again and again, who i am for others

i want to touch and be touched

i want to rest my head in your lap while listening to music or watching movies or sitting in the park

i want your hand running through my hair

my body curled around yours if we are in the park

or my body parallel, entwined with your legs as you lean back

i need your body close to me

as close as one can be without merging into one being

i need to feel safe, protected, wanted… not sexually desired..wanted, cared for

with this i can relax

with this i can let go of the stress and pain

i dont understand why this behavior is accepted in pets…animal on animal contact

or human and animal contact

but not with human to human

we are animals

i know i have said this before

but as the world has not stood up and taken notice

i say it again

there needs to be more love

more unconditional love and happiness

not hippy free love and no thinking

puppy innocence

but this is what i think

my two cents

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ps… you see the white space around me in this picture

that is where you belong

cuddling me

Toes Water …lost in la la land


ok i wasnt really lost

but it is france so i can still get away with calling it la la land haha

i am still in pain

horrible migraine but it is fading

only 2.5 days

so i am trying to show off the beautiful area that my son showed me

he is often getting lost on his bike rides and later comes home

“omg i found this beautiful place to catch salamanders”

or

“there is this amazing cave and area where they used to wash laundry in the old days”

and many similar things

the weekend was lovely towards the end and i had enough energy

so we went for a walk

i was in the wrong shoes but who cares

we both had cameras and snapped many pictures

the turn around point was the cave and laundry stream

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i sat for a bit and splashed my toes in the water

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the air was warm

sun was golden through the trees

and the water was chilly but perfect

and then i had to dry my feet

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put on my shoes

and walk back to the car

so here are my pictures

SONY DSC

magnolia

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i love these trees

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the cave where the water comes from

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and the area where i sat to dip my toes in the water

the migraines stopped me from doing more this week

but hopefully i will see shooting stars tonight

brain hurts… simple wish


i wish you were here right now

i wish my head was in your lap

i wish there was soft music playing

i wish your fingers were in my hair

i wish you had gentle words to heal me

i wish this pain would end

i wish i could relax

i wish i was healthy

i wish you were here to calm me

i hate when i get these pains

3 yrs blogging #SinfulSunday


i haven’t been blogging much these days

so little motivation

so little energy to spare

stress from every angle

some pleasure

which always leads me to pain

tonight is a good example of this

i decided i was curious to try candle wax on sensitive skin

i know the concept

and i was cautioned on how different wax burns at different heats

tonight was only a photo-shoot

a test..

in the name of science!

…and photography

the pain i felt

when wax hit skin

was a sharper heat then physically expected

mentally i was sure i had the wrong style of candles

but for an image i am willing to try

had this been a night of sin and erotic pleasure

then the pain would have stopped me

it would have turned me off and the night would have ended

but as a test for images

i braved on and dealt with the pain

putting it to the side and ignoring it

no emotional attachment to the pain

the colors were cute

the pattern was playful

but when the wax came off

so did a bit of skin

red is left behind

there will be interesting marks for the vanillas to see

spring time sun will get interesting

wearing low cut tops

scaring the locals

you can’t seduce everyone you know

so take this warning if you (the general you of whomever is reading this) have yet to try wax

learn before hand the safety rules

the ways to protect your skin

how to chose your candles

sometimes the most obvious things are ignored

pleasure and pain

but make sure it is the good pain

….. so

here are my images

3 years blogging thanks to the birthday girl molly

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and an image of me on my knees

with wax on my right breast

the candle still lit

to show you a bit of light

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now off i go

into the darkness

i wish you a sweet good night

Sinful Sunday

see who else is being sinful this sunday

please have a look at the other lovely bloggers who participate in this #SinfulSunday meme

and give them positive compliments for their efforts of posting images today

remember that sinful sunday is all about the image

Charlie In The Pool

Permanently single 20 something struggling with men and sex (or lack of it), battling my own mind and not coping with the whole being a grown up thing. Sometimes there are boobs.

Chemical [se]X edited by Oleander Plume

an erotic anthology like no other

Karen Woodall

Supporting children and their families affected by Parental Alienation

A Kilted Wookie Writes...

A collection of my short erotic fiction

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