My Birthday is this month….


and the sad thing is…

i dont have friends here

yes i have TinMan, my lovely ex who i still adore to bits and see as often as i can

i have my clown, a lover but i refuse to have a relationship

there are other men i could see but… they are just sex, it is empty, some friendship but still…so empty

i know people in france

good people

but so few i can really be myself with

which is why i say i dont have friends here

doesnt help that i have a house empty of creature comforts… like a couch and tv or sound system

how does one entertain INSIDE when it is like you are camping

how am i supposed to relax and be me when my envoironment doesnt yet reflect me

and i have no money to go out

so my birthday is this month

i will be 35

sucks being so far from people that love you and like you and know who you really are

hurts to be in a different world, or close enough to that feeling… to reach out to people but only have a sort of connection that never feels solid

worse that fair weather friends

*sigh*

so… that is my latest update

sorry if there are splling errors.. had to uninstall and reinstall google chrome and now it says everything i write is wrong… i think it is selected to french haha

message to @DavidBowieReal


note… i have been following (over the last few hours) the posts on screenrant.com about the idea of a sequel to the movie labyrinth, i have already posted one blog on how i feel about this and made comments on the messages of others… i want it..

from there i have left a message on the jim henson company page via facebook… i want in on their team.. to join the think tank and help imagine the wonder, create the ideas that help inspire them to realize the magic that i know they are capable of bringing to life

but that brought me back to the most important part.. bowie… he is needed, he is vital to all that the original film was and what a sequel needs to be… and that made me think of who he is as a man… thus this letter…

as a child, your music and voice was always floating through the air, making me enjoy the hour long drive to school before the sun came up or helping lazy sundays seem to come alive

when i saw you in labyrinth… oh my… your eyes, the way your body language spoke, all of it made me curious..

granted i was maybe 8 at the time but the dynamics between the two characters and the energy and acting skills you both brought to the roles…

ahhh that spoke to me i had always been precocious, paying attention to what others missed.. 8 was my number but not who i was and when all the other girls went “ohhhh what HAS he got in his pants!!!”

i already knew…the human body is art and my home was full of art books…

but at the time, your pants held no interest for me oh…. but as i said above, the dynamics between the two characters!

now that was something which tickled at the back of my brain!

how could you get away with saying “just fear me, love me, do as i say…”

being the dominant and yet slide back to “and i will be your slave”

i also grew up listing to the cure… to this day i still grin at master and servant…

my point is…

your role.. the adult you who entered my childish world…

you and that character inspired me to think, to grow, to question you brought many things into my world and i thank you for it

you continue to do so, my 17yr old son loved the video for “the stars (are out tonight)” and he is going into fashion design to help create more designs for men.. a bit of a hatter as well

please.. keep doing what you do, being who you are and gracing us with an aspect of your life and passion…

your music/voice and your acting

please… if there is a sequel to labyrinth…

be our goblin king once again

could it be true! a sequel to #Labyrinth


note.. a dear friend posted on facebook that he heard there was talk of a sequel being made of the film Labyrinth… i pounced on this idea and went hunting for more details… below is the random words that poured from within and were posted as a comment… of course i had to share it here as well

i really hope the jim henson company create a sequel and make it with as much care as the first, wit the same passion for telling a good story from multiple perspectives… 

this needs to happen!

when the movie came out on VHS i must have watched it 100 times within the first 3 months!

the dialog made me think, the “omg what has he got in his pants!” aspect never did much for me as i already knew at a young age about the human body (parenting done right with lots of art books at the ready)… but what made me question and keep questioning was the subtlety.. something i just couldn’t grasp!

i was the odd child growing up on monty python (flying circus as well as the films), dr who and the normal sesame street, reading rainbow, thundercats, voltron, gummy bears combination.. i recognized something in labyrinth that i couldn’t place until many years later! i already “knew” david bowie as music was another art that was always at the ready

but what i learned, what made me question was the dynamics between everyone…mainly sarah and jareth.. it continued my search into the mind, the way personalities flow and what makes people special…as individuals, couples or a group..

what really pulled at my soul was a sort of domination and submission…

most people will miss this and can now read my words….go back and say…whoa! how did i miss it!!

but there was this “just fear me, love me, do as i say and i will be your slave” vs “you have no power over me” … my young mind boggled at that and i wanted more!

not interested in sex or the tension of male/female lust… no it was the mental stimulation! the mind games with softness and power, depth and meaning, contradiction that some how made sense and then trying to understand… how much is the character/writing vs how much is david bowie

reading his facial expressions.. even before the age of 10 i wanted to understand what i was seeing that even the adults around me failed to witness

kind of like going into any “kids” film and having jokes thrown in to help ease the “suffering” of the adults stuck in the audience.. the “oh don’t worry, you will get it when you’re older” kind of humor and situations…

again, being the odd child watching with enthusiasm.. i love lucy, dick van dyke, mary tyler moore, mash, abfab, faulty towers and so many others that had real thought put into their writing! real dialog that made you stop and go… “yes! this is entertainment!” .. ahhh the marx brothers!

but all of that seems gone from our viewing “diet”…

we now have “junkfood” for the soul with stupidity like the kardashians or the extreme with the newest fad of the 50 shades of how we can portray horrible writing, bad fan fiction and emotional/mental/physical abuse as a disguised attempt at understanding bdsm…

or simply taking a great film and remaking it with more magic, sexy bodies and ruining the reason the movie was wonderful in the first place… clash of the titans and 300 come to mind… i wont even get started on how they mutilated percy jackson…

and seriously folks!!!! why oh WHY is there no film/set of films based off the series “the death gate cycle” by margaret weis and tracy hickman!

**sigh**

so… my point…

labyrinth helped inspire me to think, to be more, to ask questions and believe in magic in one form or another… i like who i am and i love that i can see how this movie helped encourage me to be myself

all i ask is that they put in the same heart and soul into this sequel as with the first movie

.. i rarely pay to go to the cinema anymore… (american) living in france, the movies are awful if you don’t have them in original version and most are not worth my time to leave home…

but this … i want this

i want new lines to burn into my memory, new music to sing with and more magic to leave me dreaming…

the magic isn’t just mine but belongs to the next generation as well…

my 17yr old is going to school for fashion design, learning to dream up costumes and make them a reality

my 13yr old loves the sarcasm and wit in a well told story, the darkness that is there but not always bad

my 7yr old wanting that magic… the crystal balls which seem to dance

no cheese in france, letter to @SUBWAY ( @SubwayFrance )


on a funnier note… to deal with my frustration over life, the universe and food… i sent a ‘save me’ message to subway subs… cause… france doesnt have shit for cheese haha
——

dear subway subs…
i am an american living in france and for all the “lovely” cheese they have here…. they lack what i need from your chain…

please make france move their butt and make the restaurants more authentic with provolone (i need this for meatball sub!!) and all the other flavors… they only have plastic white and some kind of shredded orange and white…

i am highly disappointed that the newest location in (name edited) looks like it was really meant to be a starbucks… nice design but where is the old school print of subway maps!

i can forgive that if they get the good cheese!

in france there is no “monterey” anything, jack or pepper jack or colby!
sometimes feta and mozzarella…sometimes
the cheddar here is from the uk…not the same at all!!!
and as i stated there is no provolone!

swiss! they have swiss! france seems to think that is the only cheese which should be sold shredded… *twitch*

please… save me

and if you don’t believe the differences you should see how they mutilated pizza hut and dominos!…. TUNA pizza? *whimper*

please save me

i can’t leave… (in the process of divorce and i wont leave without my kids and he will never let them leave france)

i will happily be a minion …

lots of love

shalla

ps…for all the humor, yes this is a serious problem..help

needing some help


so… i am feeling frustrated and not trying to let it get to me or make me panic…not easy but i am getting better at it…

i have eaten through all the money i have … or damn close (either help from my mom or inheritance from one of my grandmothers)

the government help is slowly kicking in, as usual.. and i am still finding out (little by little) what i qualify for, though this is a bitch because i dont know the french system and it isnt like they keep a list of what people need and hen offer the list to the public

i have a social worker helping me but that too is slow and doesnt do much for me because of the language issue and the cultural differences

there is also a decision of some kind that should be happening in november and it is involving my divorce but i have no idea what that means because my lawyer speaks the dreaded LAWYER language, as if normal technical french wasnt enough of an issue

no idea if it is about my kids or the house or what… *le sigh*

so… because of catch 22s i cant set up a “go fund me” account (or similar) until after the divorce or he will try to claim part of the money and i just don’t need that type of bs

i know a lot of you cant help because you are far away and that is fine

WHAT I AM ASKING help for…and please pay attention because i tend to get bitchy when people try to focus on other bits and then they get bitchy when i dont use their advice which had nothing to do with what i needed in the first place…

so what i need

is a job

either online shit i can do from home with no SERIOUS qualifications
or something i can do in the uk, where i can use ryanair to fly up for a few days when i dont have the kids

so…. yeah… help would be nice

i am more qualified for retail (10yrs exp plus management) and waitressing

i can legally work in europe or the uk/similar areas

i have handicap worker status but that also means i cant work all the time…then again with trying to gain custody of my kids and having my 17yr old live with me…i cant work full time away from home

i am willing to start escorting but that would only be in the uk where the language problems are less and i have good people to keep me safe and healthy

i am willing to be a cam girl again or similar ideas but i need better sites to join or advice on payment methods and such

i will do just about anything to keep myself above water and regain control of my life, gain custody of my kids and offer them a better life…. they are my priority

and i seriously hate the fact that my “husband” has driven me to the point where i have to do this, be this… any of it

he made promises and he broke them and now i have to fight to survive and it is tiring and scary

so yeah… this is me

this is my life

let me know if you can help

but please pay attention to what i have said

i realllly dont want to have to bitch at someone for telling me something i already know and cant do as stated above